Do you find that when.........

Since you asked.....

You're not making committments, you're making false promises.
Try making only those promises you can keep.
Not intend to keep, keep.

Ditching for the better thing works about twice, then the others, clever mortals that they are, begin to catch on that your word has no meaning.
And that you are a no good lying slug, or something to that effect.

Not a good thing.

Joe

Hey Joe,
For me I actually try not to make commitments, but if I do and something better comes up I feel too guilty doing something else.

Kerver, i was in that situation once, in a very embarrassing circumstance . . . since then, i've done my damnest to follow the advice Joe gives. I don't make promises i can't keep--i won't even say the word "walk" around the dogs unless i'm prepared to get the leashes out . . .

lol...I hate the word "promise". I never use it, and I don't let other people say it to me.

My two nephews, when they were still boys, would get very frustrated with me, because i'd answer their pleas to go to the beach, or a movie, etc., by saying: "We'll see." Usually the answer would have been yes, but i didn't want to raise expectations which would be disappointed. More than 90% of the time, i would take them, and we'd all have a good time. They tripped to the situation very quickly--they'd never fail to remind me of a tentative, as in: "You said 'We'll see,' an' you ain't doin' nothin' now, so how about takin' us to the beach?" And away we'd go. Their father (my brother) would make all kinds of promises he couldn't keep (he wasn't a bad man, he just hadn't the time to do all of things he wanted to do for them, but promised to do anyway). Eventually, he'd promise some great expedition, and their response would be along the lines of oh yeah, sure . I felt sorry for his situation, but couldn't help him, as his guilt lead him to continually to make the false promises.

You guys all took my question the right way, but do you think it implies anything about being in a relationship and something better came along, but felt to guilty to leave the person? My bf friend seems to think so. Talk about jumping to conclusions!

I'm with Joe and Setanta... relationships should be about trust, and I'm not willing to break it. I always stick out with the thing supposedly inferior to the new one... I've only ever broken this once, when I was young, and boy did Karma bite me in the ass with the freak that it sent me. You never know what the second might bring, but the first has love guaranteed. If the first doesn't work out, you go with the 'better' thing; it works twofold.

If you give your word, you must keep it. Else it becomes worthless...

there was a time when "my word is my bond" was something more than just words...if you even have doubts about keeping your commitment or your 'promise', then you're not living by that....

i don't have problems deciding between something I've said I'm going to do and something that seems like a 'better idea' because I just know how pissed I'd be if I were on the recieving end of that.

ok, sorry. I just meant did my original question sound like it only pertained to a relationship? Reason why i ask, is because my bf read this and assumed that I was trying to say i wasn't happy with him and someone better came along but i felt too guilty to leave him. I just wanted to know if it could be taken that way to you. Even though I did not mean it like that.

Could it be taken that way? Yes.


Bottom line. Don't promise to do anything you don't intend to complete. Don't commit to anything that something else might distract you from.

About the only exception to that is changing your mind about what dessert you're going to order - unless you promised to order the chocolate cake and share it - in that case, no matter how good the caramel brownie fudge cake looks, order the chocolate cake and share it.

Well let me just say this, because i think everyone thinks I actually ditch the first thing for something better. I agree with drom, if the first thing doesn't work out then I have a second thing to fall back on.

I agree with you, ehBeth. What a tasty extended metaphor... what's in the fridge? Aw, too bad; I'll have to stick to grapefruit; gah!

I'd keep your boyfriend away from this site, if I were you, kerver; your talking about having a second person will make your boyfriend paranoid. As ehBeth said, don't promise to do anything that you don't intend to complete. Nevertheless, your boyfriend should be able to trust you and your better instinct; if there's little trust in a relationship, things could easily go awry.

I find myself walking around confused all the time. I find if I wanna go "here", and I do, i'll wish I was "there" instead. And if I wanna go "there", and I do, i'll wish I was "here". It's a no win situation.