@BillRM,
Thanks for all the info, BillRM
The problem with "orphan" particularly applies to children from Haiti. Many of the children in Haitian orphanages have one or both living parents. Parents place them in orphanages because they can't afford to care for them or even feed them. That was the problem, after the earthquake, when people from the U.S. went down there to bring back "orphans"--some of these children weren't free to be adopted, and they weren't sure which ones were really orphans.
The Russian boy probably qualified to be considered a U.S, citizen because he met the criteria for immigration to the U.S. with the adoptive mother. When he was removed from his biological mother's care (due to her alcoholism and neglect) her parental rights were terminated, and he may not have ever had a relationship with his father. The Russians would have cleared all that up before making him eligible for adoption.
I just did some reading on the Internet and adoptions from Russia are finalized in Russia before the child leaves the country. The adoptive parent is generally given only minimal information about the child. The adoptive parent can spend a little time, but not much, with the child before deciding to agree to the adoption. It is not set up to allow people to pick and choose among children. Either you agree to accept the first referral you receive or you must wait for the next one, which could be some time later and involve another trip to Russia for the prospective adoptive parent. There doesn't seem to be any follow-up on the part of Russia after the child leaves the country. If there is any follow-up, it is done by the American agency which was also involved in the adoption as an intermediary. The adoptive parent has full parental rights when they leave Russia with the child--they are now fully responsible for the care of the child.
The woman who returned the boy to Russia had agreed to the adoption of an older child. The Russians didn't give her more or less info than they give about any child--they simply don't give out a lot of info. But, anyone who adopts an older child should be aware that the child may have psychological problems, sometimes substantial problems, simply because of what they might have already gone through in their life. It's really common sense to expect such problems.
The woman was likely told that the child lived with an alcoholic mother until the age of six, and was then removed from her care. So, particularly because she is a nurse, the adoptive mother should have known the child might have some neurological problems if the biological mother abused alcohol during her pregnancy. The adoptive mother knew the biological mother was neglectful, and possibly abusive as well, because the boy was removed from her care. This type of mistreatment and inconsistent mothering does leave emotional scars which do become manifest in behavioral and emotional problems. Being separated from a mother, even a bad one, is also traumatic for a child, and then he had to adjust to life in an orphanage. So, no one really had to tell this adoptive mother that the child might have some psychological problems, she really should have figured that out for herself. In fact, she should have expected him to have some problems.
So, the adoptive mother takes this 7 year old, who already has a lot of emotional baggage, home to a strange country, where they speak a different language, may eat different kinds of food, and where the rules for behavior in that home may differ considerably from what the child is used to. He also leaves behind everything that is familiar to him (and that may even include a sibling). The adoptive mother, and her extended family, may have limited ability to even converse with the child, since they don't speak much Russian and the child doesn't speak much English. Did the adoptive mother think this would be an easy transition for this child? Wasn't she prepared to deal with emotional or behavioral problems? Didn't she realize this child had just gone through another major upheaval in his life by going to live with her?
Apparently the child did begin displaying some emotional difficulties in the form of aggressive behaviors, like spitting, refusing to do things, and trying to hit an adult with an object. None of these things should have been unexpected, all things considered. This was a little boy who had gone through considerable abuse in his life, not an abused puppy you could heal with a little kindness. Just because he had a new home didn't mean this child wasn't angry, or had learned how to appropriately express anger, or had even learned how to trust adults. Apparently the adoptive mother wasn't prepared to deal with any of this, and however she handled it may well have made the situation worse. According to the adoptive grandmother, the adoptive mother got some advice from psychologists, but never actually took the boy to see one. She did not enroll the child in school, so she had no educators who could give her advice, nor did the child have the benefit of being in a relatively structured situation such as school.
And so, the situation kept getting worse, as the adoptive mother felt more overwhelmed and more out of control of the situation. But still she did not take the child to see a mental health professional. This situation, which basically may have been a power struggle between the adoptive parent and the child, escalated until the child allegedly began talking about wanting to burn the house down and hurt people. He was one angry little boy, and he wanted to express that anger and impress his adoptive mother with how powerful he was. This poor 7 year old was trying to get some control over his life and over the adults around him because he still felt mistreated and powerless. And maybe, from his perspective, he still was being mistreated, even in his new home. Did the adoptive mother now realize that both she and this child needed professional help--and it was her responsibility to get it for both of them? No, she put him on a plane with a letter and sent him back to Russia.
This adoption should never have taken place. This woman was simply not prepared to deal with an older child with emotional and behavioral problems--and she should have been aware that any older child she was likely to adopt from Russia would probably have such problems. And she failed to get the child, and herself, any real help to deal with the problems.
The sad part is that this is yet another damaging experience and another rejection for this child. He may never get another chance to be adopted and he may spend the rest of his childhood in a Russian orphanage. And I am sure there are probably many, many other families in the U.S. who would willingly have taken this child off this woman's hands, gotten him the psychological help he needed, and given him a loving home. There are many people who are willing to knowingly adopt a child who has problems. But this woman really deprived this child of a shot at a better life by putting him on that plane back to Russia.
I am glad there is such public outrage over this woman's behavior. I hope she is wracked with guilt and shame for the rest of her life for what she has done to this child. She had options available to her to help her deal with the child's behavior, and she just didn't use them. Instead she discarded a human being as though he was a defective unfeeling inanimate object. She really isn't fit to be a mother. But now she has made it harder for other Americans to adopt from Russia, and made it harder for a great many Russian children to find new homes.
