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my husband is a narcissists

 
 
LAW0044
 
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 12:56 pm
me and my husband are separated due to verbal abuse. He talked down to me in front of people. i did not understand how he cold and unloving. when we first meet he swept me off my feet. so kind and loving 3yrs later he changed. Nothing i did was right. i ventured off and had an affair 5yrs ago. i changed my life and now i am a christian. And he is a minister. He has a lady friend that he likes. they convience me they were just friends. So she started calling me talking about the Lord. And some how the conversation was about my husband. Thats's all she wanted to talk about. She tries to talk ugly about my husband to me and i told her if she was his friend she should'nt talk about him behind his back. She asked me did i want to hear something and i said yes. She let me hear my husband talk to her on the phone. He talked about me in degrading ways . He Told Her He didnt Want me. We Still Was Having sex. He Lied To her And Told her We hadnt had Sex Since They meet. Then i Let Her Hear Our conversation by phone. And He was so loving and kind. He said he loved me and missed me. And he was lying to both of us. I confronted him and told him everything. He didnt seem to really care how i felt. He was ready to go home . iI took him he went straight to her house asked her about all this mess and forgave her and comfort her . She called me later and told me how does it make me feel that my husband said he loved and cared for her and he gave her a key to his apartment but he is still claiming they never had sex. I really find this hard to believe. If she was a Real friend she would be friends to us both. What do you All Think? And What shall I Do?
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Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 01:20 pm
@LAW0044,
First of all, I sure am not convinced he is a Christian because he is a minister. Just saying you are a Christian doesn't make you one. At the very least, this is not very Christ like behavior. He is lying to you, her, God, and himself.

Personally, I think I'd stay away from both of them.

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LAW0044
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 01:25 pm
@LAW0044,
I Think You Are Correct And Thank You for The Incouragement!!!
LAW0044
 
  0  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 01:31 pm
@LAW0044,
he claim that he cant get over the affair that i had. i told him that the Lord has forgiven me for that and the vengence belonged to the lord and not him. He talks so well to this woman. He has lied about how long he has known her. My question is if they were just friends why does he have to lie so much. He Will not tell her he comes over here or that we spends time together. And when i confronted him he said he just lied. Im not convienced
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 01:34 pm
@LAW0044,
I would not be either. But regardless - verbal abuse is enough to get away from that. But I would say you are probably right in thinking there is something going on...trust your instincts.
LAW0044
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 01:49 pm
@mismi,
Thanks For The Support!! It Just Hurts That He Can Treat That Other Woman With Respect And Not Me.
mismi
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 01:52 pm
@LAW0044,
He won't treat them with respect for long...once the newness of the relationship wears off - he apparently slips back into jackass mode. But I know it hurts...I am sorry.
sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 02:16 pm
I doubt if this woman is the only one he has on the side.

Your husband has a real problem and you need to see that. Stop listening to what he says and look at what he does: He thumps his bible and then he humps other women. Stop being so naive about what he is doing.

PS The bible says to be discerning, so start making some judgments about what's going on around you.
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Arella Mae
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 02:56 pm
@LAW0044,
I completely agree with Mismi. I am sure at the beginning of your relationship he treated you with respect also. He will end up doing to her the same thing he is doing to you. If he were truly a Christian he would forgive you. That is my belief about it. I just don't see him doing much in the way of being a Christian. I know this must really be difficult for you to go through. I will keep you in my prayers.
LAW0044
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 05:01 pm
@mismi,
Thanks For The Support
0 Replies
 
LAW0044
 
  1  
Reply Wed 7 Apr, 2010 05:02 pm
@Arella Mae,
Thank You So much
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Thu 8 Apr, 2010 12:47 am
@LAW0044,
First of all, let me clarify something - this man is NOT a christian. His very acts show that his words are empty air. That he wears the title of christian minister is irrelevant to the fact he is NOT a christian.

Dredging up old memories - Do you remember the verse (in Revelations I think) where the damned cry 'but did we not call Lord, Lord, and do great works in your name?' and the lord replied 'but you did not know me'. (that's going from memory - it's been 2 decades or more since I read that verse)

Secondly, you need to understand the type of man he is, who can degrade you to other women in order to sleep with them, then return and sweettalk you...and how practiced did both of those conversations sound? It is practiced deceit, and he's very practiced at it.

We're all entitled to our faults - none of us is perfect, but this isn't a 'slip of the tongue', or a momentary weakness...it is an ongoing, purposeful course of practiced deceit.

Combined with his cheating ways, it is to my way of thinking, an irreedeemable feature. I'd suggest leaving.
LAW0044
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Apr, 2010 01:42 am
@vikorr,
THANKS FOR THE ADVICE
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