Reply
Mon 22 Mar, 2010 07:12 am
Cold here, icy cold there. You belong to neither, leaves have withered. Your face is pale and blue, a tearful smile. Something in your eyes, whispers words of last good-bye. My heart sinks down, tears surge out.
Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We fled into another world of band. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head spin. You led my hand, danced along the crazy theme.
@oristarA,
Interesting and a nice attempt for a second language. I hate to attempt to edit a poem since it represents something to the author that it might not to me, but since you asked, I would edit the second paragraph as marked.
Hot summer. Cheerful Cocktail. You took my hand. We
heard the band. You sat by my side, long hair tied behind, cool and killing. Smile floating on the lemonade, soft and smooth. How I was amazed. Your face looked like the cover of the magazine. My head
spun. You
took my hand,
dancing to the crazy theme.
@engineer,
Thank you.
I think that has got it improved. Though not so much.
Thanks again.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace