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Narcissism...how normal is it? Or nightmare father II.

 
 
msolga
 
  2  
Reply Sat 20 Mar, 2010 08:50 pm
@dlowan,
Quote:
Pssst...he's being Narcissus!


He is?!!!

Well I'll be ....! Surprised

Dammit, Chumly, that's last time I'll be sucked in by you! Evil or Very Mad

0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  2  
Reply Mon 22 Mar, 2010 06:01 am
@msolga,
Quote:
But it sounds like you've been thinking quite a deal about your father recently. How do you think having a father like this has affected you, in how you go about living your own life



Actually, I am thinking about him less. I have been besieged by nightmare about him for years...especially since he died in 1992.

The nightmares have recently diminished as I dealt with the trauma of his effect on me, in a very fascinating way...including lucid dreaming.

As to how it has affected me, aside from the trauma, I really think you,. and others who know me (IRL and online...what you see here is as honest as I am IRL...I don't hide a lot) are in a better position than I to know how narcissistic I am, for example. I think I am up there, but not in the clinical range.


As for the trauma? Profound.

0 Replies
 
reasoning logic
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 05:44 pm
@dlowan,
Except for when he was evil? How evil was he?
From my understanding we all have a bit of narcissism in us, "it helps us to survive. A narcissist that is evil would be a psychopath. There is no cure for them but there is help for the victims, It is called "no contact" Many victims of this disorder do not realize they are being abused. They have Stockholm syndrome.
0 Replies
 
reasoning logic
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 06:33 pm
@JPB,
Quote:
One of the traits of the clinical narcissist is the presentation of high self-esteem when, in reality, it's just the opposite.


There seems to be new data that shows this may not be true.

0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 07:24 pm
I'm seven years older than my brother. Because of the age difference we all tended to be easy on him. I remember that even when he was a small child he could be unbearable if he didn't get his way. He would play with the other boys, but they were basically an audience for him. He would cook up scenarios where he was the sole actor, and the other kids got to watch him, until they got bored.

Narcissists are very charming and very social, they flash endearing smiles and look you straight in the eye. Here's the thing, they are checking your eyes for their reflections. He spoke badly about our parents, it was hard for him to realize how something as glorious and intelligent as himself could have sprung from such common stock. Since both parents are now long gone, he will tell wonderful stories of how wonderful they were. He left his wife of 19 years and his two sons three months after my mother died, and had me meet him at our mothers grave on Mother's Day in order to tell me of the loveless marriage he had been trapped in and finally found a woman who truly loved him.

Phew, I'm exhausted. There is more to the story, but I'll have to take a break. One other thing, people who have parents that are insufferable narcissists are not destined to become narcissists. I think those of us who have lived with such a person, simply struggle to figure out why a family member or spouse is a self obsessed horses ass. It happens, and it's not contagious.
reasoning logic
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 07:57 pm
@glitterbag,
Quote:
It happens, and it's not contagious.


I have studied it for quite some time now and understand that many professionals think that it is environmental but from my studies I think it could be at times and I also think that it may be that something is horribly wrong with their brain. It is very hard to have sympathy for person with NPD because of all the chaos they create in other peoples life.

From what I understand not all narcissist are psychopaths but all psychopaths are narcissist.

Did your parents tell him they loved him even though he made mistakes and was he taught empathy from them? Believe it or not some parents don't.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 08:55 pm
@reasoning logic,
I think we all showed a great deal of love for him and each other. I didn't learn about the awful things he said about my mother until years later. He knew better than to lie to me about shared experiences.

But he did lie to me about other things. My Dad grew up in the Depression and served around 6 or 7 years in the Army Air Corps during WWII. My mother went back to work in order to pay for him to go to college. He was dearly loved by all of us. But gradually it wasn't enough for him. He believes he's smarter than everybody. I know this sounds like I'm bitter, but eventually he just wore me out.

I worked DOD and had a Security Clearance. He would show up at my apartment when I was single and announce he had weed and just assumed he could smoke at my apartment. I flat told him no, for me there was no ambiguity, in 1978 you could lose your job just having weed at your home. He was pissed, and apparently never forgave me.

I just wanted it to stay away from me, he could use all the stuff he wished. It wasn't enough for him, he was 21 and I was 28, he had no job and I supported myself and my son. The only way I could have kept him happy was by smoking weed with him. I wouldn't do it. Most people understand and respect others choices, not the narcissist, he was offended personally and I can only guess he thought I was disrespectful.

Things like that festered with my brother, he sabotaged me in numerous ways, I'd have to type 50 pages to go over all of it. I'm not embarrassed about any of it, but just conjuring up these spare moments of a brother-sister relationship, it kinda makes my chest ache.
glitterbag
 
  1  
Reply Sun 2 Nov, 2014 09:02 pm
@glitterbag,
One other thing to share, he son came to live with him when he was 14. He had to be the cool dad, no supervision. He told me his second wife would not sleep with him while Kevin lived there, she slept with the twins. He threw his son out during exam week of his Junior year, and he came to stay with us, so he could complete his exams. Plus he needed reconstructive surgery to repair a broken nose he got playing baseball. He doesn't communicate with the children he made, I don't expect to hear from him unless he needs more money.
0 Replies
 
 

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