Is he a narcissist?

Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 07:42 pm
I met a man online 2 years ago. After 6 weeks of a passionate love affair, he told me he was married. He told me he would leave her, and although me made several attempts, he never did.
He is very handsome and charming in a self effacing sort of way. He was 54, but looked 44. He came on very strong and told me he loved me soon after we met. He wined me and dined me. He is a very good lover, passionate and affectionate. The best lover I've ever had.
The only real gift he ever gave me, except for roses a couple times, was on our first date! He gave me a bottle of perfume. He hurt my feelings many times by not buying me anything for Valentines, my birthday, etc.
He is a school teacher, and a head football coach at a large high school. He is a sort of rock star in the area he lives in.
When he would try to leave his wife he would return saying that he couldn't stand hurting her. But he seemed oblivious to hurting me, although he said he wasn't.
I still feel that I love him very much, but we are not speaking now. He went out of town on New Years by himself, and he was out of reach on the phone for 6 hours on New Years eve, and I believe he was with another woman although he said he went to a movie and fell asleep! He has told me that he has had affairs in the past, and has picked women up in bars, etc for years when he is out of town. He said that stopped when he met me.
He also told me he has not had sex with his wife for 10 years when we met, and that it was his decision, not hers. He said she no longer appealed to him sexually after 10 years of marriage, and he just stopped. She is, however, still attractive.

Does this sound like the behavior of a narcisstist?
Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 07:44 pm
He just sounds like a player to me.
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Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 08:03 pm
Just to elucidate. He's using you. He's used other women. It strokes his ego. Narcissism is defined as:
inordinate fascination with oneself; excessive self-love; vanity.
Psychoanalysis . erotic gratification derived from admiration of one's own physical or mental attributes, being a normal condition at the infantile level of personality development.

So while there may be an overlap with some of the traits of narcissism I'd venture his big issues are outside of that boundary.
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Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 08:06 pm
I go along with Hinge's assessment that this joker is a player. He's doing a lot for himself, he's doing nothing for you. Find someone who is unattached and who has a genuine interest in you.
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Reply Tue 4 Jan, 2011 09:48 pm
He's a cliché.
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2011 06:24 am


He plays around with other women.

He MAY be narcissist or a cad or a player.

But YOU are foolish.

Sorry - but, really, girlfriend!!!
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2011 06:44 am
What the others said. And assuming that he did leave his wife (don't hold your breath) why do you think there's any chance at all that he'd treat you any better than he treats her. Whether he's a narcissist or not is irrelevant and not your problem. Get over it and move on... which is what you should have done when you discovered he'd been lying to you for the first six weeks of your relationship.
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2011 09:05 am
Narcissistic Personality Disorder removed from the mental health manual
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2011 09:41 am
Bascially he is a jerk.
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Reply Wed 5 Jan, 2011 09:49 am
Come on now. Take responsibility for your own behavior rather then trying to pin a label on someone else.

You are having an affair with a married man you met online. Now you are asking if he is a narcissist?

This man is no more a narcissist than you are.

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Reply Wed 18 May, 2011 05:01 pm
was his name richard?
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