'Scuse me, I must have something in my eye...

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I've been on a real emotional roller coaster today. It was SonofEva's 16th birthday.

I rode with him to get his driver's license this morning, then we went to the bank and opened his first checking account. Then HE took ME to lunch. I kept looking over at him, and he finally asked, "Why do you keep staring at me like that?" With a semi-straight face, I said, "Who are you? And what have you done with my little boy?" He grinned and said, "I ate him."

Given his appetite lately, that could be possible.

Then the hard part came. HE dropped ME off at home and drove to school. Alone. <shudder> Of course I took pictures. Then I stood on the front porch looking down the street at the last corner where I could see him turn and disappear...and........and.........

'Scuse me, I need another Kleenex.

So I made him call me as soon as he arrived at school to let me know he got there safe and sound. He did, and bless his heart he didn't laugh at me, either. I told him not to worry, I was sure that after a couple of years or so I wouldn't make him call me every time he went somewhere. I know I'll get used to it. Surely I will. Oh yeah. I will. Um............won't I?

My stomach has been doing flip-flops ever since. How long does this last?

I really, really need a cup of hot tea before I go to bed tonight.

I remember my mother saying the scariest day of her life was the one when I drove off by myself for the first time. I remember laughing at her when she said that. How I wish I could take that back.

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Type: Discussion • Score: 18 • Views: 3,235 • Replies: 51

[+3] - Seed - 03/04/2010SO you might find this kind of funny Eva. Just the other day you were upset, because you, a mother, was taking your son to get his licence. Well, today I took my mother, who is 53 to go get hers...

@Eva,

Well, at least you didn't make him stand in front of the car, at the school, with all his friends watching. Moms can be so embarassing.

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@Eva,

As a parent concern for them never ends, just what you are concerned about changes.

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@Eva,

(((( sistah! ))))

Yes, you will get used to it - sorta. Yes, there are more firsts coming that will give you pause. Yes, you will start sleeping less and worrying more. It's ok, though. It's supposed to be that way. Noddy used to tell me that gray hairs are earned. You're earning yours now. He'll be fine. So will you - eventually.

A very wise (an equally anxious) friend once told me that she drove herself mad with worry when her girls were teens. K was approaching college age at the time and I asked her how she survived the college years. She said, "Oh, that's when I stopped worrying!" The fact that she knew they weren't coming home at night forced her to set aside her worries. Otherwise, she said, she was going to truly go crazy with worry.

The Unitarians have a saying,

"Roots hold me close, wings set me free."

You'll always be his roots. You've given him a good footing and foundation. You've also nurtured the development of his wings. He's using them a bit more and more these days. It's not easy being a mother. You do indeed earn your gray hairs. But, as you watch him spread his wings a bit more each day, take comfort in the knowledge that you've done good, mom.

He'll be fine. So will you.

((((( Eva )))))

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@JPB,

Oh Eva...I can't imagine that day when my boys do that. Thoughts are with you today. He sounds like a fine young man though.

I love what JPB said.

1 Reply

@JPB,

JPB wrote:

. . . K was approaching college age at the time and I asked her how she
survived the college years. She said, "Oh, that's when I stopped worrying!" . . .

Only three years ago the Lovely Bride and I were saying good-bye to Nigel
just outside his dorm. Nigel is our youngest. It was a very hard parting
for both mother and son. The university is 300 miles and a border
crossing from home. It seemed so far.

In the three years since there have been many more partings as we've gone
there and he's come here. Each one is a little easier.

As for worrying, I can't say that she ever really stopped. But the kiddo has
proven worthy of trust and grown into man.

1 Reply

@roger,

I know, Roger! Especially when they TEACH at your high school!

I stay out of his space as much as possible when I'm there, even though he did sign up for my class (it's an elective.) Nine of his school friends are coming over to our house Friday night for a birthday party/sleepover. Can you imagine doing that at a teacher's house? I can't. But not one of them said no. So they must think I'm okay.

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@Ionus,

Some things about parenting never change, but this time it feels different. This is a real loss of control. For 16 years, I've basically approved his every move. And now, in one day, that is pretty much over.

I know there is freedom in this transition for me as well as for him. For the first time, I didn't have to get up and get dressed and take him to school this morning, for instance. That was weird. We always talked in the car. I wonder when we'll talk now?

The difference is, he is excited by the freedom because he's never had it. I was 40 when he was born, so I had a lot of years to myself before he came along. I never resented having his schedule take precedence over mine, or having to endlessly take him places. I've actually loved it. And I'm kinda sad about that ending.

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@JPB,

I love you, J.

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@mismi,

Thank you, mismi. He didn't call when he got to school this morning as I asked. I am assuming he got there. Actually, I'm trying really hard not to pick up the phone and call the school office to make sure. Be strong!

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@Eva,

That's right Eva. I believe that it is often true that no news is good news. No worries. Smile

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@George,

Oh George, I can't imagine how difficult that will be. It would just feel so...so wrong...to drive off and leave him and his possessions behind. I guess what I'm feeling now is training for that day.

I think I come by this honestly. My mother cried every time I left her house until I was well into my 40s.

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16? WOW, i remember when first meeting him he sat on the couch on our patio. It was late afternoon in the hot new mexico summer and he sat next to mother of son of eva with 2 dogs on his lap. I think he was 12 at the time. I asked him if he'd like a drink and said I had root beer, lemonade, iced tea and whisky. He said he'd like a lemonade. neat kid, I liked him right off. I might have even kissed and hugged his mother. I liked her right off as well.

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@dyslexia,

dyslexia wrote:

I asked him if he'd like a drink and said I had root beer, lemonade, iced tea and whisky.

Sometimes you remind me so much of my husband.

Eva, your story brought a tear to my eye as well.

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Eva, I'd pay good money to be there when you check out his girlfriend.

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@George,

[following along quietly]

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He'll always choose lemonade, Dys. It's still his favorite drink.

You probably wouldn't recognize him now, though. He's a little over 6 feet tall, same as his dad. (He thinks it's a race.) And his hair is much longer.

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@George,

George wrote:

Eva, I'd pay good money to be there when you check out his girlfriend.

I've already checked out two or three. It's easier now with Facebook. Cool

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@Eva,

((((((Eva and Son-of-Eva))))))) gosh, hardly seems possible he's all growed up
xx

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This is just a sons view on the subject. But I will say what I think.

Mothers are always a special thing. Advice from a mother is often and on many topics. A fathers advice is sparse and on few, but important life events. A mother tells their children that they can fly if they want. That they can soar through the heavens and dance where only birds roam. A father shows them how.

My mother was always been a mother hen. I remember when I was leaving for college, I almost broke her heart by suggesting that I move in by myself. The pain in her eyes told me to quickly adjust my story, laugh at myself and say "How could I ever do that alone."

If you think that watching your son drive off to school for the first time, imagine how my mother felt when I left for war the first time. (not to any way take anything away from that moment from you). You ask when it gets easier. I am not sure it ever will. There will always be major events in life that will take him away from you. That will make you stop and realize that he isn't the little boy playing in the living room with pots and pans, but a grown man doing things in life. Even though he will always be your little boy no matter how old he is, that is something that it took me a while to figure out.

1 Reply

'Scuse me, I must have something in my eye...

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