Heart Broken

Things like this just don't happen without warning.

You think about it really, really hard and see if you can find a reason for your wife of 10 years to leave you.

I have a feeling either you don't want to face the real condition of the relationship or you are clueless about women.

I'm beginning to think its the last part........ But I think your right, I need to have a really good look at the situation and try and pinpoint when things changed...All my friends and family are in awe and shock because it was always such a kind and loving relationship..I thought it was the real deal but I guess I was wrong

Hi Cos,

Firstly, I'm sad to hear that things ended on such hurtful terms.

For the rest : it has always been my opinion that the health of the relationship is largely dependant on the man. Women react to moods which are created....or NOT created, by the man (the latter in my opinion, is the downfall of most relationships...see below)

That created/not created doesn't mean that women can't create their own - but think about it - in terms of sex, their drive is intimately linked to their emotions, which is intimately linked to most every part of their lives...their needs...and how people treat them. In this respect, a male is (unsurprisingly) in a position to greatly affect the 'life/sex drive/love' that a woman experiences.

It has been my observation (and I don't know if this applies to you), that some marriages continually grow, and effort is put into those marriages. The love deepens as it is fed (or in other relationships, dies as it is not fed), and the sex, get's better, as couples desire to make it better, desire to communicate their likes/dislikes, desire to create variety and new experiences...and it all takes work and effort. They put time aside for each other, no matter how busy their lives...because lets face it, who loves a relationship where the other person has no time for you, or doesn't pay you attention, or doesn't go out of their road in any way to show that they love you? Who wants unstimulatingly endless predictability? (well, some do, but most don't)...adding that unpredictableness takes thought, and time, and a desire to do so.

...basically it's my observation, that the couples that stay together, put effort in, beyond the normal (effort needed for a comfortable life)...directed towards growing the relationship, and providing Life (in the many forms that it can be created in).

I've always thought, that a marriage that isn't growing / renewing, is dying. And growth & renewal, as above - take time, thought, and effort.

As soon as you hear from her lawyer, or are served with any action, get a lawyer of your own. If you are served with anything requiring a response and fail to respond, you have given away everything.

Put your emotions on a back burner and tend to your legal business. Don't go out of your way to make her mad, but protect what is yours. After it is all over, you will have all the time in the world to be kind hearted, broken hearted and emotional.

Sorry to be so direct, but you asked advice.