He's been with his friends whole night!

Talk to him. Can you ask his friends, or will they automatically cover for him if (big IF) anything dodgy was happening? How about the wives/girlfriends of his friends? They might know what time their men got back, and you could compare it to your man's.

Even if nothing is going on, he's not treating you fairly anyway, IMO.

Let us assume, for argument's sake, that nothing untoward was going on. Even so, your husband was treating you very unfairly.

How long are you married? What are your ages? Any children?

I would insist on an explanation. If none is forthcoming, I would rethink as to whether I wanted to spend my life with a man who treats me so shabbily, and obviously has no respect for the marriage.

George Thorogood
Move It On Over
I come in last night about half past ten,
That baby of mine wouldn't let me in.
So move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over little dog, a mean, old dog is movin' in.
She told me not to mess around,
But I done let the deal go down.
Move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over nice dog, a big, fat dog is movin' in.
She changed the lock on my back door,
Now my key won't fit no more.

She threw me out just as pretty as she pleased.
Pretty soon I've been scratchin' fleas.
Yeah! Listen to me dog before you start to whine,That side's yours and this side's mine.
She changed the lock on my back door,
Now my key won't fit no more.
So move it on over. Rock it on over.
Move over little dog, a mean, a hot dog's movin' in.

We are married almost five years, no children together, I have one child; she loves him as natural farther.

Yes, that is what's hurting. It was not fair! Not from him not from his 'friends', ...He knew that I will say no, and that is why he is not answering phone, not calling me, but we are not dating we are married!

I can not explain him that after marriage there is no more going out with friends when he wants and how much he wants.

It was nothing going on, I know that, but this first time over night can become a habit.

I think I'd want to sit him down and clarify where things are between you.

Sounds like he's trying to live the single life again.

To me this shows gross immaturity and self-centerdness. What if you had a serious problem, and could not reach him? Girl, you and your hubby have a lot of talking to do. Unless it is worked out, it will not get any better.

Just curious - did you call him and talk to him before he shut his phone off? Did he say he was going to be out and stay with one of them before he left?

Also, how many times does he go out with his friends, stay out all night and not call you? Does he go out once a week? Once every six months? Is this the first time he didn't come home and didn't call or does he do this all the time?

Whatever you decide to do, make sure it is a decision and not a reaction. Take a little time over it and listen to both your heart and your head.
I am all for compromise but there should be no compromise in a situation that you find completely unacceptable. Only you can decide whether that situation is unacceptable to you - it would be to me.

This was the first time he stayed out whole night, and did not call. He is going out to play basketball every Wednesday, to play tennis table every Friday, and often he stays out after work to see some friend, how he says.

He just 'announced' two days before that he will be going out with 'friends' who came from US and Wales, and another two, and maybe stay there overnight, but on that day he did not mention anything. Well, I did not like it but I knew if we argue, it does not help, he will do what he wants, as he did!

While he had to work that day, sometimes until very late at night, I thought all time that he was working.

I tried to call him in the evening, but phone was off, so I feared that he left to meet friends. He was working that night until 10 pm and then left to meet them.

Is it possible he just doesn't know this is not normal behavior for a married person? If you don't say anything, he may never find out.

Had this happen to me before (I'm not married) but my man took off with pals and did not call until he strolled in the next afternoon, looking sheepish and guilty.

I'd had plenty of time to steam about it and had devised a nasty little surprise for him. I gave him a fake number (a friend of mine) and told him to call it - that I had reported him missing to the police and that I had given them his description and his car registration etc., so he better call them and explain why his lazy-ass did not call and let me know he was not dead or lying in a gutter somewhere. He nearly **** his pants. My (male) friend gave him a hard time told him not to waste police resources and that they would keep his name on file for the future (Tee Hee).

I have locked him out on occasion (he arrived home at 3am and had not bothered to call and tell me he was going out after work). I deadbolted the door so that even though he had a key, the other inside locks were engaged and he couldn't get in. I let him bang on the door until he finally went away and to this day I have no idea where he slept because I never asked him about it.

Since then, he always called to let me know where he was and when he would be home.

Because of this, I'm going to disagree with everyone here :and shock rumbles through the crowd:

So, you knew he was going out because he told you. He said he was probably not going to be home. However, you didn't want him to go and instead of him bringing it up (knowing there would be a fight) or you bringing it up (knowing there was going to be a fight) no one said anything. And now you're angry.

I especially noted the part about how you "feared he left to meet friends". You already knew that. You just avoided the confrontation beforehand so you could stew about it and be resentful.

Now, I'm not saying that he doesn't have enough free time. It sounds to me like he goes out quite a bit - and that's what you're mad about. You're not mad just about this, you're mad that he has his sports time and after-work time and friend time - all the time.

All I'm suggesting is that if you are going to pick a fight, pick one about what's really making you angry. Just because people are married doesn't mean they stay in the house all the time and don't go out to see their friends - together or apart. It does mean that they need to be respectful, responsible, and communicative. I believe that you feel he's being none of these - and not just because of this one instance.

True, I am angry because he is behaving like single in this marriage, and I feel, only thing he is loving about me is sex (only evil in woman:). He is initiative and taking responsibility only when we have to go out, for everything else, I am to take care. For some domestic thing to be done, I have to tell him about 100 times before ...

Actually, the most part is that I am loosing my integrity. For this episode, and the next one, which will happen, because I bowed, and I bow, because of material security he is giiving me through his income (you know house, mortage, sharing a child care...) and parental part giving to my daughter.

In other words I would leave him for this episode if I am in a material position to do so, if it would not be for my daughter and money- and in that way I am loosing myself. I was a person of high self-esteem ( I am more educated, more intelligent then him..though working for a half his salary!). I am now loosing self-respect, and all of high self I had. How can I love him when I do not love myself?

I believe I am not the only one, and that stuff is not a feministic bla-bla, then reality plenty of women still must face.

Then get a better job.

Sorry if that's harsh but you've said you're in this predicament because you need him financially. And you also say you're having esteem issues because you're trapped.

So untrap yourself.

I know times are hard. I know there aren't a lot of jobs out there. Believe me, I know. But you need to do some work here, and clearly the work you need to do is, move yourself into better financial circumstances. If you're as intelligent as you say you are, then you can look for better work. You have a computer. You may have networking contacts. Use them.

Yes, this is going to take a while; this isn't a quickie solution by any means. But it will get you out of this situation for good, and on your terms. What will you do if he is cheating, and leaves you? Where's your self-esteem going to be then? And, more importantly, where will your child be?

If the obstacle is money, then get yourself into a position where you can get more money. No, that won't do it for you today, but it'll do it for you for a lifetime.

I would but HOW!? I hate my job, it is cheap and it is not worth it.

But I do not have the courage (with 41) to stop working now and begin looking for another, which would be the only solution. If I would tell you that I have master degree and only work as administrator, you would say I am mad; really, I am very trapped, and try to find some other creative outlets as it is painting or websites creation, which is not very profitable.

But maybe the next step is go to manager's office and give my resignation. That would be cool!

out with FRIENDS all night?
From what I've read that you've posted. First, I would do the same thing to him! Stay out all night with my freinds and turn OFF my cell phone. Make him worry! Then, I'd leave him!

I completely agree about facing up to the underlying problems. No good will come of it if you continue to "bow". You will feel worse and worse, and that will continue to affect the relationship; you'll be resentful even at small things, he will be resentful that you're always resentful, he will stay out more and do more things that make you resentful, and while it may drag out a bit, the ending won't be good.

So, you guys need to talk about this. You have been together for less than 5 years, you got married for a reason, you should be able to find that reason.

I'm a little concerned about the "I can not explain him that after marriage there is no more going out with friends when he wants and how much he wants." stuff. This makes marriage sound like a horrible drudgery... I'd like to be able to see my friends when I want and approximately as much as I want! I understand that he is being unreasonable about it, but at the same time, I think you can approach it from more of a position of compromise. Of course he can see his friends, but you need this, this and this from him in return for this, this and this. (Advance notice, cell phone on if you only call him for emergencies, only X times per week, you get to see YOUR friends X times per week while he watches your daughter, etc.)

I really understand everything you are saying about being a mother and the self-esteem issues, etc. (Stay-at-home mom here, former career woman.) But I don't think avoidance is the answer.