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Edit this little poem please

Forums: English, Grammar
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oristarA
 
Reply Tue 16 Feb, 2010 08:53 pm
The Way to Create Paradise

From the first day in Eden
For whom we sing along?
Both our hearts linger,
Lost in each other's love song.
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Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 599 • Replies: 10
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panzade
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Feb, 2010 09:23 pm
@oristarA,
From the first day in Eden
For whom we sing along?
Our hearts rejoiced in freedom
Lost in each others love song.
sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Feb, 2010 09:31 pm
How about:

From Eden's first day
For whom we sing along
Both hearts linger,
Lost in love's song.

oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Feb, 2010 09:55 pm
@panzade,
Thank you Pan.
But this poem is for the picture:

http://survivor99.com/lcg/books/beauty/xqmx.files/rrr.jpg
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Feb, 2010 09:56 pm
@sullyfish6,
Better!
Thank you.
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Feb, 2010 10:10 pm
@oristarA,
Awww...don't you get it? They're rejoicing in the freedom of not being in a cage ori!
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Tue 16 Feb, 2010 10:43 pm
@panzade,
Good point！ Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Ionus
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Feb, 2010 03:12 am
@oristarA,
From the first day in Eden
For whom do we long?
Both our hearts linger,
Lost in the lover's song.
panzade
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Feb, 2010 08:46 am
@Ionus,
very nice
0 Replies
 
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Feb, 2010 09:47 am
@Ionus,
Very cool.
But you've neglected the title. Laughing
0 Replies
 
iamsam82
 
  1  
Reply Wed 17 Feb, 2010 12:06 pm
@oristarA,
Since that first day in Eden,
Did something sing along?
Were we guided or freed men
Lost in each other's song.
0 Replies
 
 

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