Edit this little poem please

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The Way to Create Paradise

From the first day in Eden
For whom we sing along?
Both our hearts linger,
Lost in each other's love song.

Type: Question • Score: 3 • Views: 631 • Replies: 10

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@oristarA,

From the first day in Eden
For whom we sing along?
Our hearts rejoiced in freedom
Lost in each others love song.

1 Reply

How about:

From Eden's first day
For whom we sing along
Both hearts linger,
Lost in love's song.

1 Reply

@panzade,

Thank you Pan.
But this poem is for the picture:

0 Replies

@sullyfish6,

Better!
Thank you.

1 Reply

@oristarA,

Awww...don't you get it? They're rejoicing in the freedom of not being in a cage ori!

1 Reply

@panzade,

Good point！ Very Happy

0 Replies

@oristarA,

From the first day in Eden
For whom do we long?
Both our hearts linger,
Lost in the lover's song.

2 Replies

@Ionus,

very nice

0 Replies

@Ionus,

Very cool.
But you've neglected the title. Laughing

0 Replies

@oristarA,

Since that first day in Eden,
Did something sing along?
Were we guided or freed men
Lost in each other's song.

0 Replies