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Why one shouldn't hate oneself?

 
 
zhjuan
 
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:30 pm
If one feel like a loser, why one shouldn't hate oneself?
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,570 • Replies: 17
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Rockhead
 
  2  
Reply Sat 13 Feb, 2010 10:49 pm
@zhjuan,
hate is an emotion that harms your body.

one way not to feel like a loser is to go do something that makes you feel happy or confident.

do you read fiction or poetry?


why don't you tell us what is really bothering you on one thread, instead of starting a bunch with little pieces of what is troubling you...
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 05:44 am
@Rockhead,
I hate that I was badly hurt in my childhood, I am over that but that experience make soft, too nice, sensitive, sentimental, self-doubt, unconfident, weak, cranky, not able to cope with stress, am carrying lots fears, unable to stand up for my own judgement, trust myself, unable to live in present, often feel too strongly about small incident, very insecure, poor self image.
Lash
 
  2  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 07:40 am
@zhjuan,
I'm sorry you feel that way, zhjuan. I think if you analyze what hurt you when you were little...and actively change the way you think about it, your self-image can improve drastically.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 09:06 am
@zhjuan,
zhjuan wrote:

I am over that but that experience make soft, too nice, sensitive, sentimental, self-doubt, unconfident, weak, cranky, not able to cope with stress, am carrying lots fears, unable to stand up for my own judgement, trust myself, unable to live in present, often feel too strongly about small incident, very insecure, poor self image.


No.
You make that.
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 02:12 pm
@shewolfnm,
True but it was inevitable that I took those turns to become what I am now. I was only a child... What I hate the most now is that I would like to untaken those turn but the damage appears to be very challenging and I feel defeated most of the times. I so tired of being bitten by myself all the time.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 02:15 pm
@zhjuan,
cycles are like that.

you have to find a way to step out of the circle.

find some perspective on it.

it seems to me that you are starting to gain on it a little, just by asking for help.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 02:17 pm
@zhjuan,
Quote:
What I hate the most now is that I would like to untaken those turn but the damage appears to be very challenging and I feel defeated most of the times. I so tired of being bitten by myself all the time.


once you accept who you are, and how you got to be who you are, and love yourself, then you will stop the self destructive thinking. You need to figure out how to get there on your own, no one can help you, but anyone and everyone can do it.

You are better and more powerfull than you think you are.
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 02:48 pm
I know my self image is unfairly distorted and most of the negative thoughts are not true. I am looking for help, secretly. I am looking for how other people think and would say for the matter and so to help myself get out of self-destructive thinking pattern. It's just that in the past two days, negative thoughts are wining...
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 02:56 pm
@zhjuan,
and with a combination of spiritual strength and willpower you work to tamp down the self destructive thinking....in Zen we call this mental hygiene, and take it very seriously. Anyone can do it, it just takes practice.
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 03:45 pm
@hawkeye10,
When things was very bad when I was a child, I plead God several times to help me get out of the mess, then I continued to suffer for another eight years until I become an adult. Since then, I am not able to let fate to lead my life, I have to hold everything in my hand. I am afraid if I let go, everything will fall apart. If I don't take care of everything, things will go wrong and I will go back to hell.
0 Replies
 
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 14 Feb, 2010 03:52 pm
Though things are going well for me, I still very afraid that my life is going to be destroyed or fall apart because of the pain from the past. I want to get better. I need to...
Pemerson
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Feb, 2010 05:34 pm
@zhjuan,
The past is gone, so let it die. You can heal yourself by walking and talking your life - writing it and telling it to another person. Also, you will find something about your childhood that could change your feelings about it, help you out of this mire.

I remember taking a class, "Inventory," where you examine all this stuff pulling your strings, getting you to feel bad. When you have a negative thought, label it and write it down, then write an opposite word alongside it.
As in: Nervous..........Calm
Fearful.............Loving
You say things are going well for you but, then, why did you add the other part: I am very afraid my life is going to be destroyed
Obviously, things are going well in your life. The other is obviously not you. In this way, you find your self.

You could read books about how others have changed their thinking.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Thu 18 Feb, 2010 06:09 pm
@zhjuan,
As Jespah mentioned early on, I think you could used professional help on this, zhjuan. You seem to almost want to hate yourself, to think you are fated in some way, to think what those who hurt you in the past were somehow right. You did say you have low self esteem, and I think you need help to get out of it. These kind of thoughts are bogging you down. You can read books on how to change your thinking, or you can see a good counsellor who can help you on it.

I don't know your situation. Are you in school? What country do you live in?
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Feb, 2010 03:18 am
@ossobuco,
I am married with a lovely husband and child. I think I am mess up or maybe not. I am seeing a counselor and have been better than I used to be. Life goes up and down, I get it. Suicidal thoughts follows me when I am challenged or weak. I am trying to get away from the past, and have been doing well on that but the most recent mistakes started to get me. Though I have a lovely life, I seem to be not able to just simple enjoy it and forget about all the others. Sometimes, an incident can fallow me all day long or up to a few year I still upset about it. I think this is totally insane that I can't let things go, get over it and forget about it. Sometimes, the things are not even important to me, I understand that, but my heart seem to bring me back to it for reasons that I can't understand. I hate myself, not because of the past anymore, but because of my lack of ability to handle situations and simple stuff. I am afraid to let the love one down because my incapable of living a normal life. I hate that I am such a loser... I am afraid that I will die and made the love ones life miserable. Everything in my head are no more important than my family, I get it. I want to give them all I've got but all of the negative thoughts really take off most of my energy. I try to balance it, it work well most of the time but some times I lose the battle. Sometimes I make decision, and is the right one, but I will spend days or weeks worrying whether something might go wrong or it is after all a wrong decision and that I will be laugh at again and that I am the weak link.
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 19 Feb, 2010 03:32 am
@zhjuan,
and that I am supposed to be better after being in counseling for almost two years... but apparently, feeling unwanted is much stronger than all the rational thoughts. Now what I think is a big secret that I will not even let the counsellor know about it. This really scared me. I know what this means... I feel under pressure and this become one of the cause of why I am feeling down. I understand this is serious... I am trying to help myself getting out of it... I am working on it. I have to and I need to. I don't think I make much mistake anymore, but I've become too worry about my own decision, too worry that I will make mistakes that I used to make, and this is what in my head most of the times.
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 20 Feb, 2010 09:10 pm
@zhjuan,
zhjuan, I'm perplexed on how to help you.

You remind me a little of me when I was a child in a very different culture than yours. I was raised a roman catholic in a very religious family, and I was sheltered greatly from real life. In my teens, I got to be what they call 'scrupulous', worrying about having a dirty thoughts, and excepting sin by even turning a page in a magazine. I think I was lucky in that I had a variety of bits of information as the years went by, that my fears were absurd, and that I also got impatient with all that worry. Maybe I was saved by being a lazy worrier.

On one hand, I can think of you as obsessing on all these questions, and that maybe you need a pill, or whatever the treatment is for such preoccupation now - and on the other hand, I wish I could just boost you to thinking you have power and will work your way out of this, emotionally.


You do have the insight to see how you overdo on the worrying. You are missing the sense of self power to leap over that - but at the same time you post here and do have power.

Believe in yourself.



I don't think you are a mess. I think you are dealing with a lot.
zhjuan
 
  1  
Reply Sun 21 Feb, 2010 08:02 am
@ossobuco,
Excellent! I think you've just get into the core issue of my problem. I am feel guilty of have bad thoughts. I think the problem is already easier to be deal with now once I know what the problem is. I am too active worrying about my problems. I am laughing....Wink Thank you so much....
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