The past is gone, so let it die. You can heal yourself by walking and talking your life - writing it and telling it to another person. Also, you will find something about your childhood that could change your feelings about it, help you out of this mire.
I remember taking a class, "Inventory," where you examine all this stuff pulling your strings, getting you to feel bad. When you have a negative thought, label it and write it down, then write an opposite word alongside it.
As in: Nervous..........Calm
You say things are going well for you but, then, why did you add the other part: I am very afraid my life is going to be destroyed
Obviously, things are going well
in your life. The other is obviously not you. In this way, you find your self.
You could read books about how others have changed their thinking.