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Sun 6 Dec, 2009 06:27 pm
I married a guy I have known for 40 years. He was wonderful before we got married, but I had two young kids when we got married, 9 & 10 years old, and his two daughters were 18 & 20. He was hard on my kids, expected perfection out of them, when he told me how he raised his own kids; he let them smoke pot and drink with them and his youngest daughter is now a heroin addict, been in and out of jail. My kids have never used drugs, been in jail, etc.,but because not his kids, he was alot harder on them. They are 20 & 21 now and moved out of our home. Now my husband has retired from his job at a lumber mill of 31 years. He got conjestive heart failure and kidney problems due to a blood infection. He spent 3 weeks in ICU. He was doing better when he left hospital, but after 3 months he figured he could go back to drinking beer and smoking; also not watching his diet, especially his salts. He put on weight and lost muscle in his legs from just sitting in front of tv and not getting up except to go to the bathroom. If I suggested he change his lifestyle, he would get angry and tell me he doesn't need a mother. The problem for me is that I have to do everything for him. He cannot get out of his chair by himself, I have to help him in the bathroom, so he is confined to our house. I am only 51, and I feel like I am being cheated out of my life because I have to be here to help him and I resent it. I go nowhere except to the grocery store.
About a week ago, I went to the store and I was coming out, a man walked by, it was dark out, didn't pay much attention, but he called my name. It was a guy I dated in school that I was head over heels in love with. One day he just disapppeard and I didn't know what happened. Then I heard from him when I was married to a guy in the Air Force and stationed in Louisiana. Tony, my old boyfriend was stationed 50 miles from me at Fort Polk army base and wanted to get together with me, but it never happend. All of my feelings for him are back and I cant get him out of my mind. I know that I could have a good life with him, and he said that since he found me again, he has never been happier. I don't know what to do. It would be bad to leave my husband, but do I pass up a chance to be happy, and have a life of taking care of my husband until the end?
@SchalowBrooks,
Don't lose track of the boyfriend, but take out a nice life insurance policy on your husband and keep buying him cheeseburgers and beer. You'll be rich and free before you know it.
@SchalowBrooks,
You didn't mention it, so I'll ask. Is Tony single or married? It makes a difference in the answers you know.
@SchalowBrooks,
In my opinion, you suffered a lot in 40 years and the badly thing is that your husband never take care of you or even more of his children. As far as I understood he only cared by his own beer and pot. So, my advice is to forget the other days and, at least, to try with Tony. Maybe he will give a little light and hope to your life. Of course you will be the one who will be affected cause you'll think that your husband is sick and someone should help him. But Also, you deserve a moment of happiness in your dark life.
And congratulation for you children cause they weren't attracted to your husband's children life...
It would not be "bad" for you to leave your husband, god knows you've paid your dues with him. (Be sure you are protected financially for when he dies because if sounds like he's on the slippery slope right now.)
What I have a problem with is your willingness to jump into another realtionship without standing alone for a while. Of course you are attracted to your former love. He is from the sweetest part of your safe past and he's reciprocating all your feelings and needs.
Youv'e lived disfunctionally so many years that you are grabbing the first life jacket offered to you. Learn to swim alone for a while.
People dont always need to stand alone.
Besides, she is standing a lone right now.
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