Guilt not visiting Dads final resting place?

Yes I do blabber to him all the time in my head, not out loud, I know his body is in under all that dirt which is a strange feeling and I have always taken it for granted seeing cemeteries with all the grave yards, but to experience it for the first time I think "S..t he is actually in there", but I know he is not there and I feel like I'm talking to the ground....well the 2 words I managed to utter out anyway....just mixed feelings I guess.

Thank you and I am so sorry for your loss. I really felt for you when I read what you wrote. Your heart is in the right place and hopefully the guilt you feel will diminish. I truly hope the best for you, especially with the holidays approaching.

in the more than 10 years since my father died, i've been to the grave maybe twice, i don't feel the need to sit next to stone in a field to feel close to him