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Is this shady am I "the other woman" or just insane

 
 
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 04:20 am
I work at a burger place and the firefighters from the station down the street come in all the time. One firefighter in particular stood out to me. When I took his order he kinda hit on me. The next day he came in and got more food on his day off (rare for the firefighters).

Well I decided I was going to give him my number the next time I saw him. The next Friday came and the firefighters came in and I asked them about him. With my luck he got transferred. They asked me if they could relay a message for me and I gave them the number to give them. 5 hours later he called me.

THE SHADY PART
We talked for about 20 minutes while he was at work. He called restricted. He told me he moved here about a year ago with his girlfriend "at-the-time" and that they are currently broken up but their lease doesn't end for another few months and he wants to give her enough time to find a place so they are currently living together. The reason he called me restricted was so that I wouldn't have his number, so that I wouldn't call or text him and her see it or answer the phone. Also he said "not to say anything to the other firefighters" because they gossip. (although the know-ish because I gave my number through them).

I know it was him on the phone because the next day he surprised me at work and we talked for a few minutes (he didn't order anything)

What should I do, should I continue waiting for his call or should I just forget about this guy (easier said than done)?
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Type: Question • Score: 4 • Views: 4,149 • Replies: 21
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sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 06:19 am
I know this is going to be difficult - but wait for the "few months" he is talking about until he is really broken up and not living with this "girlfriend at the time."

His secretiveness is suspicious.

CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 10:06 am
Yes I agree!
Tell him that you'll wait until he's completely free and ready to date.
If he's still involved with that women or even married, he's a liar and you
wouldn't want him anyways.
The restricted phone number is an indication that he's more involved than
he wants you to know.

On the other hand, flirting with the waitress is not a crime and it was you
who made the first move and gave the guys your number. He might have
felt obligated to call you out of courtesy.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 01:14 pm
@CalamityJane,
Quote:
The restricted phone number is an indication that he's more involved than he wants you to know.


Hmmm...waiting is good advice, though if you can't - it can't hurt to set a deadline for yourself - for when he's got things sorted out, and if he hasn't by then, break it off until he does.

As for the call restricted number - I disagree, it doesn't necessarily mean he's more involved than he wants you to know - the break up is obviously amicable (else they wouldn't be living together till she finds a place to live), and his ex picking up a phone call from a potential love interest is certainly not what any guy would want on many fronts :
- even though they are broken up, it could hurt her feelings

- she could still go off at him
- life at home could suddenly become 'cold'

- she could start trying to win him back (not cause she wants him)

- she could tell you things to make you dislike him (and how would you know if they are true or not?)

- she could in fact...start any number of things that'd make life uncomfortable

There are plenty of reasons for him not to want you to call his home at this point in time (one of them also being, he could be married and a scoundrel)
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 01:23 pm
@vikorr,
well vokorr, nowadays almost everyone has a cell phone and he could
have given her his cell if he wanted to, but that wasn't the case either.

To be honest: I think he was flattered by the girls attention but probably
isn't interested to persue her. He did flirt with her, yes, but so do many
men - or women for that matter.
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 01:36 pm
@OutOfNoWhere,
Shady.

If he's really a free agent, then there's no reason to be concerned about you calling him at home or talking to his co-workers.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 01:52 pm
My hunch is that this guy wants to keep dating in a box, to uncomplicate his life. As has been pointed out there are other possibilities. If you like the guy then go ahead and see him for a bit, you will get a better feel for him and then you will know. However, if after a time the other girl does not move out, and/or he keeps up with the secrecy bit, then you would be wise to dump him.
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 06:48 pm
By the way - not a good idea to have the guys at the station be your go-between. God knows what they told him! (Or maybe I watch too much Resue Me)
OutOfNoWhere
 
  1  
Reply Sun 25 Oct, 2009 08:26 pm
@sullyfish6,
It was my only way it was either give my number to them to give to them, go all the way to his new station (way out of the way, i would have seemed like a stalker) or forgotten about this gorgeous guy... which now seems logical
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 12:27 am
@CalamityJane,
True, but I know a guy that is still living with his ex for pretty much the same reason that the OP said the guy she's interested in is.

The guy I know doesn't want to bring any girl home because it would would make things complicated at home (I think he's silly for staying in it for over half a year, but that's just me)

And even with a cell phone, you can get a call at home, and how exactly are you meant to talk to the person? Tone of voice would say it all...then you'd be uncomfortable...etc etc etc

Perhaps it's simply that you've never talked to a person who's in a similar situation...for it is possible that he's telling the truth (I think it unlikely, but it is possibly the truth)
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 12:30 am
@OutOfNoWhere,
You wouldn't have seemed a stalker. That part would be flattering.

Most people only consider it stalking when they don't return any interest and you keep doing it.
OutOfNoWhere
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 01:05 am
@vikorr,
my moms friend said the same thing. I see the side of truth but now a days no one can be trusted. but i don't know if starting something without trust is worse than starting something with trust when the person isn't telling the truth
0 Replies
 
OutOfNoWhere
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 01:09 am
@vikorr,
I don't know about it being flattering. Maybe but the station he worked at was far enough let alone all the way across the county in a infamously bad area. Also his co-workers only told me the station number I had to look up where it was online to see if I could pull it off (which i couldn't) so although it is public information it would have been a little wierd
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 06:13 am
@OutOfNoWhere,
Let me put it this way - don't go chasing him because you have a crush on him - go chasing the details because you thought him cute and thought you'd see if he's interested - if he shows no response, leave it be.

That part is entirely reasonable. However, it's not reasonable if you do it expecting that he will return the interest, and becoming upset if he doesn't (ie. if you try and he doesn't show any return interest, and you leave it at that, then there is nothing at all wrong with it)

By the way - girls generally have an entirely different view of this sort of thing than guys do - because the risk to you is much greater.
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 08:08 am
you do not have enough invested in this man to allow this kind of fork in the road to make you stop and think.

There are handsome available men everywhere.
If you think you 'deserve' and are ok with being put to the side with in the first few steps of a relationship like this then by all means proceed. Its not complicated because there is no investment beyond exchanging a phone number.

All avenues for YOU to be known in his life are squished. Right off the bat. Sorry thats not good.
And if you end up in a realtionship with him later on, you see NOW how he will treat the end. You could be her.

yes , he could be just being respectful , but he is treating YOU like some kind of vamp. " dont want you to have my number, my address or contact with my co workers"
wtf? Are you a thief or something? Laughing seriously. That is too many stipulations for just a phone number exchange.
I would get out of it.... and I would do so by telling him.. Call me when you are separated completely so that we can start out with only US involved in the relationship. Not her. Not your workers. Just you and I.
0 Replies
 
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 09:02 am
@sullyfish6,
I agree - if he calls again, tell him the truth. Say I am interested, but I want to wait until you are completely free and clear. I wouldn't start anything with anyone that wants you to hide you in a sense. If you can't call him or text him at home and/or his cell phone - then he is trying to hide you and hiding something himself.
0 Replies
 
OutOfNoWhere
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 09:42 am
@vikorr,
He did state interest. Immediately following that he said that he had to be straight forward and told me about the girl. But he stated repetitively he was interested. And has proved it so far, but the girl, the number, and the secrecy are all that are holding me back, i know he could be telling the truth, but really now?
0 Replies
 
woodian
 
  0  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 12:46 pm
@OutOfNoWhere,
believe me when i tell you that this guy is one asshole and you don't want to stick with him to find out exactly how big...! this is typical guy behaviour... he's living with hi "ex" but you can't call him and he's cutting off your connection with the guys (fellow workers) who could actually tell you what the real scene with him is... next time he comes to flirt just tell him to either give you his number or get the hell out....!
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 12:52 pm
@woodian,
Nah, "typical guy behavior" would be to ask you out without giving you the backstory. He's been straight so far so I like Link's advice. When he's clear, see what happens. On the down side, if the GF is moving out, she should be expecting that fireman would be getting calls, so I don't know about the secrecy.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Mon 26 Oct, 2009 01:28 pm
@engineer,
Ummm...you guys would seriously start dating another girl in front of your ex, when your ex hasn't moved out yet? What happens if she gets upset and starts making life miserable? (there's just no way you can get away from that seeing you still live together). And what happens if you have a house together that you are trying to sell? (she could reneg on selling, which could prevent you from moving for quite some time, depending on your finances). The ex may be entirely reasonable about this, or she may not - how are any of you to know which she is?
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