23
   

Why do women talk ALL the time?

 
 
Cyracuz
 
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 12:56 pm
Why o why?
 
farmerman
 
  4  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 12:57 pm
I have a tee shirt that says
"my Wife says I dont listen to her, or something like that"
Setanta
 
  -2  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 01:16 pm
So, i'm guessing that either you are homosexual, or you have no sex life at all. Am i close?
0 Replies
 
Francis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 01:34 pm
As Set noted, normal women talk most of the time.

For years, I believed that their prolixity was intended to mask the vacuity of their thought.

Later on, I understood that it was intended to prevent them from listening to the vacuity of men's discourse..

Then I thought it was better to keep their mouth busy with something else than talking..
0 Replies
 
Cyracuz
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 05:32 pm
So, Set, you're saying I'm either gay or married?
Well, I'm neither.
I am simply amazed at how it is possible to speak endlessly without really saying anything.... It is a skill shared with politicians by the way.
sozobe
 
  3  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 05:35 pm
@Cyracuz,
Quote:
In her best-selling book, You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, Deborah Tannen says the sexes often speak virtually different languages. She calls it "report talk" vs. "rapport talk."

Men tend to use "report talk" to convey information and self-importance, while women tend to use "rapport talk" to establish intimacy and connection. Tannen says that women will then see men as self-centered and domineering, while men will then see women as illogical and insecure.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 05:38 pm
@sozobe,
More:

Quote:
WHO DOES MORE OF THE TALKING, AND UNDER WHAT CIRCUMSTANCES?

"Who talks more, then, women or men? The seemingly contradictory evidence is reconciled by the difference between what I call public and private speaking. More men feel comfortable doing `public speaking,' while more women feel comfortable doing `private' speaking. Another way of capturing these differences is by using the terms report-talk and rapport-talk.

"For most women, the language of conversation is primarily a language of rapport: a way of establishing connections and negotiating relationships. Emphasis is placed on displaying similarities and matching experiences. From childhood, girls criticize peers who try to stand out or appear better than others." (pg. 76, 77)

"From childhood, men learn to use talking as a way to get and keep attention. So they are more comfortable speaking in larger groups made up of people they know less well -- in the broadest sense, `public speaking.' But even the most private situations can be approached like public speaking, more like giving a report than establishing rapport." (pg. 77)

"Many men honestly do not know what women want, and women honestly do not know why men find what they want so hard to comprehend and deliver." (pg. 81)

JUDGMENTS ABOUT WHY PEOPLE TALK AND DON'T TALK.

"For girls, talk is the glue that holds relationships together. Boys' relationships are held together primarily by activities: doing things together, or talking about activities such as sports or, later, politics." (pg. 85)

"Women and men are inclined to understand each other in terms of their own styles because we assume we all live in the same world. [A] young man in [Thomas Fox' college] writing class noticed that his female peers refused to speak with authority. He imagined the reason to be that they feared being wrong. For him, the point was knowledge, a matter of individual ability. It did not occur to him that what they feared was not being wrong, but being offensive. For them, the point was connection: their relation to the group." (pg. 179)


http://www.amazon.com/You-Just-Dont-Understand-Conversation/dp/0345372050
Really excellent book. Of all the individual books I read in college, probably the one I refer back to most often.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  0  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 05:46 pm
@Cyracuz,
Actually, i was saying that it appeared that you are either gay, or a lonely wanker . . .
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  3  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 06:46 pm
@sozobe,
I find this absolutely the case. I think men talk to directly convey information. If you ask them a question, they answer as directly as possible, stating their opinions. If you ask a woman a question my experience is that she will try to convey her opinion in a way that makes you understand the entire thought train behind the answer including other ideas that might have been discarded and the reasons why this particular opinion is optimum. If a guy asks a question that can be answered by "yes" or "no", he usually just wants yes or no. I don't know about that "public speaking to get attention" stuff. I don't think it is about getting attention, but I didn't write a book about it.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 06:58 pm
@engineer,
This is all true much of the time. But some vary - some women I'll call linear - women are also very direct, even incisive, with comments or answers. Some of us dither and explore tangents, me, for example. I can tune myself to be short and slappy but it's not my natural way.

Alternately, some men do just love to talk. I've known doctors who like exploring literature and psychology in conversation at amazing length, theater directors who will just never shut up.. all male. I'm not sure if sexuality has anything to do with it, as the male talkers I'm remembering were not gay. So, I'm not sure re sexuality, and I'm not sure re gender. I figure it comes down to brains.
roger
 
  2  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 07:01 pm
@Cyracuz,
They don't, always. Sometimes they type.
Ceili
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 07:03 pm
I like to talk... and to listen, it's called being sociable. This is as stupid as asking why men like to scratch their units. I digress...
panzade
 
  0  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 07:29 pm
@Ceili,
chortle
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  4  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 08:40 pm
A better question is;
Why don't men talk enough?

Every woman I know complains that their man doesn't communicate with them.
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 19 Oct, 2009 08:43 pm
@sullyfish6,
Oh, now I finally agree with Sullyfish.
0 Replies
 
Gala
 
  2  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2009 07:28 am
@Cyracuz,
I know plenty of men who talk all the time.

I picked up that D. Tannen book for a quarter at a yard sale and realized the book was such a huge seller was because people don't want to think for themselves, they want someone else to tell them how women "are" and how men "are."
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2009 07:34 am
@ossobuco,
I definitely agree that it's not a written-in-stone sort of thing. I've found this stuff so useful in so many situations since I read it, though. Especially professional-type situations -- I tend towards a more masculine way of interacting, especially when I'm trying to Get Stuff Done, and I really had to consciously modulate when dealing with female staff members. (It helped, a lot.)
0 Replies
 
Cyracuz
 
  2  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2009 08:09 am
@Gala,
I am getting the impression that Setanta has it in for me... It's either that or he is just grumpy...

Anyway, Gala, come to think, I know a few guys that talk all the time as well. And they are even less interesting that women who talk all the time... Wink
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2009 06:07 pm
Hah! I had a friend come over today and we talked for 6 hours straight.
Granted I hadn't seen her in years, we had lots of things to talk about,
and if it weren't for picking up the kids from school, we still would be talking....
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  -1  
Reply Tue 20 Oct, 2009 10:08 pm
@Cyracuz,
I'm not being grumpy . . . i'm just pointing out that if you are so stupid as to suggest unflattering or insulting things about women, it is highly unlikely that you would develop and maintain relationships with women.

It's incredible that you need to have that explained to you.
 

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