my wife has signs of depression I think

This is a tough situation. If everything is as you say...I would send her this post, written by hand. It is eloquent and sincere.You must be there for the kids of course, and try to give them a semblance of normality.

Remember that she is suffering and she might be avoiding contact because she feels guilty about her inability to overcome her maladies.

Depression is foremost a lack of hope. Hope for the future, hope for a better tomorrow. It is a devastating disease. Be there for her.

Get the house built back up - THEN work on getting her back. She may just be overwhelmed with the fire and an over-working, distracted, insensitive man.

PS ---if your claim to fame is that you did NOT ever hit her, then you are in deeper trouble than you think.

Sullyfish6
The house is built back up. Hurt in the hip pocket. As far as being insensitive thats harsh. She is my life. would do anything for her. also.. my 'Claim to fame' of not ever hitting her I think is important because in this day and age a lot of men treat women like crap and abuse them behind closed doors. As soon as a wife leaves someone this is usually the first thing people think of. I dont understand how I am in deeper trouble than I think.

Your wife is not a child but she is a mother and if she had checked herself into a hospital or rehab center to get any help she needs is one thing. But to leave your family because things got tough is selfish. Also she can't always be first the important thing is being first when it counts. But you have to do what is best for your kids and put them first, cause she is clearly putting herself 1st enough for everyone invovled.

sounds like she hs been overwhelmed w/life. If I had a fire burning down my house I would also. Can you rebuild? Tell God you have had enough and need his guidance/help. Moving in w/ friends does not sound permanent. Patience is our most rewarded virtue. I feel pain for what you are experiencing. Depression does produce a lack of interest in things you previously had interest in.

thanks for your reply. House is rebuilt. We lost everything in the house but not enough damage to knock it down. Everything she owned was smoke or water damaged. The more i think about it myself and the kids coped with it better than her. She showed not much emotion. Hopefully she goes to church on sunday and asks for some help.

Shan, I admire your devotion. Is this the first time in her life she has lost posessions. Because if it is that is a situation I learned very early in my life. Posessions lost is seldom a reason to be so depressed, unless this is new to her.

Philis, She was an only child from a broken home. Everything we have got we worked hard for. Both of us work full time. This would be the 1st time she has lost posessions. we did tell each other though that it could be worse. Could of been a family member and posessions can be replaced. Well most of them if the insurance company doesn't screw you over. I have been told not to chase her or it will just drive her away. Sit back and wait. Doesn't help when her mum got rushed to hospital today with renal failure and I cant be there with her. Not much fun.

I hear you shan33, patience can often be rewarded beyond what you can consider. Sorry to hear about her mother and you can't be there to support and give comfort. I was just seperated from my hubby for 1 year and really truly thought divorce was inevitable but behold we got back together exactly 1 yr later.

Philis Thank you. Still hurts though. Dont think I could wait a year. Hurts too much. I will wait though. Hit rock bottom yesterday after dropping kids off to sport. Went through the pros and cons for why I shouldn't driving my ute into a pole at high speed. My kids are the reason why I chose not to. Could of given her a nice life insurance polocy but my kids would have no dad. That was just dumb. All good now or as good as it is going to get at the moment. Thanks again.

HI Shan, I don't know how long this post has been open for but I sympathize with you. My advice (I'm assuming you're asking for it :-) ). You seem a smart, can-do type, so first and for most don't blame yourself which you seem to be doing and make a plan to deal with the practical things to give you the head space you need to deal with your wife.

Sure you can correct and improve, so just make your mind up that you will do that but your wife wont thank you if you degenerate into a neurotic puppy, you need to keep your head above water to support your kids and the home you are being put on the spot and I feel your pressure.

1) Focus on the job(s) in hand, make a practical plan to deal with the practical things in life, set out the real, achievable and time based goals first and then work up to the bigger issues. Plan the practical stuff then make time for contemplation between each. Your mind will take care of a huge amount of the planning through this. Dealing with your wife will be easier after that if you take a positive no nonsense approach with yourself.

2) Make sure you listen to her and don't try to offer solutions at least right away, you might have to wait a long time before she is willing to hear. Women often need you to show understanding first before a solution will be accepted.