Things you miss when the kids leave the nest

Hi Bandylou. I miss it all, more than I ever thought I would. You're so right about missing the little things that matter the most of all.
Like spending all day cooking a $40 roast beef with all the trimmings on a Sunday and not having to eat it all by yourself for 2 weeks, or end up sharing it with the dog because they "forgot" and ate at Wendy's on the way. If only I had a nickle for every diaper I bought......

That old empty nest thing can go on
for many years. I see it in myself at
times like Chistmas, when one of
my girls asks what do I want for
Christmas - and all I can think of is
to have "just one day" to spend
with them again when they were
my little girls. I really went thru
a rough time as they all moved on
into their own lives...of course, I am
very happy for them - as I am
happy for their accomplishments
and their resourcefulness. Still, it is a
deep and aching empty place in my
heart.

All of the above I miss. Mostly I miss the conversation. And dare I say I miss not knowing what is the current fad musically but not the loud part.

I don't actually have an empty nest yet, but thought comes to mind pretty often because my oldest just turned the big 18.
She's stuck with us at least until the school year is over, but who knows after that? There's the RULES thing that will probably be the straw that broke the camels back.
How did you guys handle rules once yours turned 18? How about how late it's ok to stay out, did you charge any rent, or ask to be paid for food money, etc.? At what ages did your children leave the nest, and did they stay gone, or have they ever moved back?
At times I look foward to the empty nest, then there are those other times, where I dread thinking about how lonely it's going to be without saying good-bye in the morning, and good-night in the evening.
How did you all deal with your emotions?

bandylu, had two move out already, managing pretty well. don't care much for the met's myself, them being loser and all.......the diamondacks, giants and the a's are my teams. but remember, the phone works and of course email.

bandylu, my heart goes out to ya, and to others in the same fix, but my own sadder fix is I've never had no little ones nor things like that to miss, and I miss that an awful lot. Now it's too dang late to rumba, even if my dancing shoes hadn't turned to dust.

Debacle, my heart goes out to you, too. This is one 'problem' I'm glad I have to deal with for all the joy it's given me leading up to this point.

dlk -- both mine went off to college at 18 so I didn't have to worry about our rules; they had to worry about the college's rules (though I did notice that colleges don't have nearly as many rules now as they did when I went). Once they were off on their own at college, when they did come home it made no sense to make them return to curfews and the like. They've always been good about letting me know when they would be home and calling if they were going to be really late cause they know I'm a big worrier. As long as they did that, I had no complaints at all.

bandylu,
Didn't you still worry about them while they were away at college?
How much harder was it for you when the youngest one and last child left the nest ?

Things You Miss When The Kids Leave The Nest
What I miss the most is the laughter. Sharing the day's events ~ all having dinner at the same time with no interruptions. Reading bedtime stories and when it was time for lights out , the "aw mom, just one more chapter"!
excuse.

Halloween costumes, Thanksgiving dinner when the most important accomplishment was who could finish eating one entire turkey leg, and Christmas with little faces all lit with excitement / Christmas lights seemed to pale in comparison.


I'm not sure we ever truly get over the empty nest syndrome.

Hey parents, can you share more of your wisdom?

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=59137#59137

The most wonderful part of the empty nest is developing new talents(?) and hobbies and having real friendships with my adult sons. The reward of all those years of child rearing is seeing the result. I love my sons for the kids that they were and now for the great people they are. Sound schmaltzy? Ok, I'm schmaltzy

My mother has said that what she missed most of all was the interesting people i used to bring home, and the debates she'd listen in on.

She was hoping to have a tidy bathroom once i left home. Turned out my dad had been the messy one all along! That's what happens when you've only lived together, alone, for a tiny while before the baby arrives. Blame it all on the kid!

I guess after the empy nest, we still can have hopes that one day we will become grandparents and get to experience the those special memories once again, but in a bit of a different way.
Until that time, I'll continue to appreciate each and every day I still have with my daughters at home.

Thank God, mine are still home.

My son is 18, and I had to literally beg and bribe him not to join the service.

He is going to school, and living with us until he graduates.

It is a sticky situation, because he is incredibly 'independent minded'. He never stayed past a curfew, and never committed any behavior that would pose an issue 'rules-wise.'

dlk33- Here is a trick. Since your daughter is 18, and probably feeling her oats, tell her it would be a courtesy for her to inform you of when she is expected in at night, and if something prevents her from getting in at that time, you would greatly appreciate a call. That you love her, and couldn't sleep not knowing she was safe.
Move 'rules' to adult courtesies. (Make sure you extend the same courtesy, by telling her when you are expected back, and calling if you are detained.

We would have signed a 'tenancy' contract with our son on rent and division of duties, had it been necessary. We chose not to charge him rent, as he is going to college, which we support. He is a messy guy, but I clean up after his messes in the common areas of the house, because I am so glad to have him here. I don't go into his room.

I am hanging on to my babies as long as I can.

Lash Goth,
Thanks for your input.
There has been an issue about curfew time, what she thinks is fair, and what we do. As she's gotten older we've adjusted the privledges. There's just this thing about well, now that I'm 18, I should be able to do whatever I want to, whenever I want to, and as long as she still lives at home, we can't exactly go along with that way of thinking. Our rule reasons aren't without much thought, with consideration of our daughters input. Do you think you would be a little more protective if your son were a daughter? The other thing we feel we need to consider is the maturity of our daughter, and our feelings about how well she can handle situations by herself. I don't feel like the day a child turns 18, everything changes just because they're 18. I feel responsible for her at least until she finished high school, and believe she needs to live at home until then.
Even now, I'm still trying to guide her into adulthood.
Our daughter is very hard headed and thinks she know a lot, she's the kind of person who will get taken advantage of, because she doesn't know any better, and she has a lot of trust in other people. I'm scared about that. I'm also afraid for her because I believe she will have to learn many things the hard way. I want her to suffer the least amount of pain in her life that she can. Her pains will end up causing me pain also.
She's a good kid, but has a lot to learn about life.
I don't know yet what we plan on doing about the rent etc. Our daughter will be going to a community college to become a Pre School teacher. She has been responsible for any bills having to do with her car, inc. insurance.
She has been working part-time since she was 14. She isn't even interested in having a romantic relationship with anyone until she is done with high school. I would say her head is in the right place.
By the way, our daughter is also a slob, like your son. I don't clean up after her, she knows better then to keep our area a mess, though at times she forgets and we have to remind her. Her room is another story.
Could you imagine if our two ever got together?

Our grandchildren would constantly be lost under old cereal boxes and empty potato chip bags!

I feel for you, dlk33.
Yes, another area in which I am a hypocrite. I told my daughter that I will not allow her the same freedoms as she watched her brother enjoy. I never thought I would do this, but I have. He was allowed to entertain his girlfriend in his large bedroom (couch provided and entertainment system). Her door will remain open. (WHY? JUST BECAUSE!!)

My daughter is very beautiful, sweet and has a figure that jumps up and slaps men in the face. It is bodacious. When I see grown men, staring at my daughter's parts as we shop, I feel I should cover her and hide her at home. I feel the men of the world are out to get my daughter, and I told her this.

Boy, have we had some interesting conversations. At first, she was mad at the double standard. But later, she thanked me. We are so close.

(But I know 18 changes alot of things.)

This is what I have done with both. When they say they are going somewhere, I actually show up. I peek and observe for a few minutes. I have not told them of this sick practice. Son was never dishonest, so I continued to expand his freedoms.

Daughter's freedoms are still limited, but when she says she's going with friends after school to the Mexican restaurant, I drive through the parking lot, checking for friend's car. So far, so good.

She was late one afternoon. When I say call or be home by 3:30PM, I mean 3:30. She finally called at 3:50, and lost the privilege of getting in the car with friends for six weeks. WWIII erupted, but only lasted for thirty minutes. I bet she calls on time next time.

How bad am I to treat daughter with double standard?

P.S. dlk33-
I would be a faker not to share this truth. I don't like to insinuate my spirituality on people, but I was so overcome with worry about my children, I had to 'give them to God.'

I was trying to keep them safe and alive through worry and other destructive methods.

I had to come to terms that I can't keep them safe or alive. I have learned to do the best I can, and rely on God to help me deal with whatever happens.

Accepting such a huge, impossible responsibility can make you sick.

Lash Goth,
Don't I know of what you speak!
I'm afraid our grandchildren would also be lost under the huge stack of clothes on the bed that haven't been put away since they came out of the dryer last week.
How old is your daughter?
I've got a 16 year old daughter as well. The two girls are like night and day. The 16 year old is a neat freak. I fall somewhere in between the both of them.
I have to say that so far I've never felt the need to check up on either of my daughters. I've always been pretty strict about where they can go, and for how long. I've usually been the one taking them wherever, and picking them up from wherever.
I haven't even allowed either of them to go to anyones house unless there is a parent at home at the time.
If either of the girls was suppose to be home at a certain time but were late they paid their dues by not getting another chance to get it right for a couple of weeks. I would tell them they had to earn my trust back again.
I don't think it happened but once with either of them. They are considerate enough to make sure to call if there's a problem.
The other thing that drove me nuts was being asked to do something without any decent notice. They learned I needed information ahead of time or the answer would be no, and they knew why.
I've been around to help keep them out of trouble, and help guide them towards making the right choices. Being a stay at home mom has it's benefits!
I can understand the double standard, though I don't have to worry about that. If you have reason to use it, that's your perogative. You have to feel comfortable as the mother and parent. That's how I see it anyway.
What does your husband think?

I know I could get into that same mind set you did once my daughter(s) leave home. I already worry too much.
I have always felt close to both my daughters. They are the most important people in my life, and I don't know how I'd survive without them in my life. I've spent the last 18 years of my life doing just about everything either with them, or for them. It's not easy to let them go, but I know I will have to.
I understand what you said about putting your children in God's hands.
My terms with God are probably a bit different then yours.
Maybe some other time we'll go into that subject.
There aren't very many people on forums I've been in that have teen children, so I haven't had anyone to discuss these kinds of issues with, until now.
I appreciate you sharing with me.

dlk33--

We seem to have pretty easily managed children in common.

I was a stay at home mom, too, for their first 10 (son) and 7 years (daughter). So glad we made the adjustment to do that. --Although I would chase the mailman down the street for adult conversation...

Your girls sound great!
Husband's response to parenting issues: "Go ask your mother."
Enjoyed your comments