A heartless mother

Are you her father?

Not everyone is cut out to be a parent. Who's to say that the mother staying wouldn't have affected the girl in even worse ways?

Yes i am, my mom takes care of her......i support her but for some reason she won't stop asking, thinking or stressing about her mom......when the answers don't make sence she's in a daze.

No her dad told her when the kid was 2 yrs old "if you don't get away from here, i'll deny you are my daughter". he is a so called preacher and thinks that she put a curse on his ministry......so he don't want the little girl to have anything to do with that side of family.

It's probably a little late now (earlier would have been much better)...but the girl really needs to see a psychologist.

A private investigator would probably be able to find the mother.

Where did this girl get this fixation on her (fantasy) mother?
She must have picked it up from the adults raising her.

Take her to a psychiatrist to assess whether she needs medication and to help her deal with abandonment issues.

Help her understand that the adults around her NOW have cared and loved her all these years, and will never abandon her.

Or else you will have a repeat of the entire scenario - bet on it.

No ever since she's small......it really does'nt matter what you telll her she still keep saying she wants her mom. My mom even try to tell that she's her big mom and nothing changed but yeah psychiatric help will differnitly be looked into thank you very much. what you think might be the best way to make this heartless mother pay for the damame done to this child??

how so very 1800's....how about you concentrate on helping the child turn into a healthy adult??

Yes you are very right and thats what we were trying to do since day 1......but don't you think it's time she smells the coffee....if it were the other way around they'd have been looking for me (her dad) to pay child support and that. i'm not asking her for a cent just atleast show up and let the kid knows that you are there and you made a mistake.....if i'm wrong please feel free to let me know.

If you had custody of this child, then you must have been paid by Dept. of Social Services to do that. If not, then you needed to get some aid for her support.

The mother is NOT able to care for this child. If everyone accepts this then things will settle down. We can't always get what we want, and you cannot force this woman to be a mother or caretaker for her child.

Does your child need both her and you fixating on the mother? Any attitude you carry will show through in the comments you make when talking about the mother. If you are telling your child she shouldn't fixate but are in fact doing so yourself...your child will know, and will listen to the real message, not the one you just say with your lips.

It may be difficult, but after this many years, it is best just to let go of the mother, and concentrate on your childs welfare - as a single parent child.

dexter, you must have instilled into this child about the fact that her mother ran away. Such simple comments go a long way with children "if your mother was here", "why did I deserve this", "If she only knew what she was missing". Such simple thoughts said aloud can impact a young child, espescially now that she is reaching those not so pleasant teenage years profoundly.

OK, water under the bridge at this point. Most teenage girls alienate themselves, even those from a loving family. It is a weird time of self discovery. Stand by her and she should be fine. My personal feeling is that if she met the mother that abandonded her all of these years ago it might confirm her feelings of abandonment. If you can be the man and father that you are and have been, hold her hand in this strange time of puberty. Buy a few books or ask your mother to chime in on the physical and emotiomal changes that your daughter is going through.

I am in no medical field, just been there myself.

We raised my nephew from age 8 to present. He is now 21 (next month).

At first he accepted the fact that mother was not able to care for him, then his an emotional "bump" when he was 14 - 15 (teen years are when this really sets in)

Now at 21, he sees other families and has personally witnessed two or three friends who have kids that they can not handle or even take care of and he understands that the day to day parenting is not remotely the same thing as having the child. Someone has to be there every day and night.

I again encourage you to get her to a counselor. She needs to vent to someone other than you.