Wife's depression! Husband needs some help!!

Reply Wed 12 Aug, 2009 04:11 pm
I don't want this to be too lengthy. My wife has been diagnosed w/ Major Depression by a Psychiatrist. They also believe her Thyroid has a lot to do with it as she has Hashimoto disease. She is having both hypo/hyper @ the same time. Her thyroid levels were above the labs values. Off the chart. They are still extremely high.
During this time my wife said she thought our marriage was over and she wanted a divorce. She called me every name in the book and said things that still to this day have deeply scarred me. I found out she was seeing a man that has been chasing her for 15+ years. They did kiss and that was it.
She had been on Celexa but when the MD diagnosed her they put her on Remeron. It took awhile but things got better about 5-7 weeks. I am pretty sure she stopped taking them and then told her MD that she is doing better but is always tired(side effect) and the MD told her to stop. Then about 2-3 weeks after that I started seeing the depression again. Mood swings, and etc. It got real bad again for a 2-3 day span.

She gets very defensive when I ask her how she is feeling or how her appointment went. All I want to do is help or find a way to help.

THis is where it gets frustrating and hurtful. I try so hard to help her and let her know I love her yet most of the time I get little emotion back from her. I do wonder does she really want to be with me and etc. She says she loves me and wants to be with and I make her happy but it makes you think. A lot of the articles I read about Spouse's depression is that it is actually harder on the spouse that does not have depression.
I need my sanity as well but even when I try to do something to get my mind off of it I can not. Right now it is 24/7 thoughts/concerns over my wife's depression. She is finally seeing a counselor as well today but that took forever. She thought she could do it by herself. She if very stubborn.

I plan on seeing a counselor as well as I need someone to talk to on how to handle this situation. Does anyone have any help or in a similar situation. It is very tough and I have 3 kids as well. I want to stay with my wife forever but what if she does not get better. My kids and I need a healthy household. Any help would be greatly appreciated. THANKS!!
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Reply Wed 12 Aug, 2009 04:18 pm
I know you asked about this on your other thread as well...but really seeing a counselor is probably your best bet. Hopefully someone here at !2K who has some experience with what you are going through and can talk to you about it will show up soon.

I would think your best avenue of action at this point is to see that your wife is getting what she needs to level out the depression and to be as patient as you can be. I would trust at this point that it is the depression and the thyroid issue that is causing her to be so distant. Romance and sex when you are depressed can be the furthest thing from a woman's mind when depressed I would think - and I suppose it is possible that because she is not interested that she may be distancing herself from you to keep from getting in a situation where she wants to say, "No" and thus hurting your feelings or estranging you even more.

The problem with this is - it is just my guessing. You should try to see if she will see the counselor with you as well. Maybe you can find some common ground to stand on until she starts feeling better.

I am sorry - it sounds like it is tough on you. Best wishes for her quick recovery and your happiness.
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Reply Wed 12 Aug, 2009 04:27 pm
I'm agreeing with mismi, and sympathize with both you and your wife.

People can close off in a self protective way.
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Always Eleven to him
Reply Wed 12 Aug, 2009 09:32 pm
Side effects of some of the anti-depressants can be a loss of libido. And some anti-depressants take a few weeks to level out in the bloodstream to replace the chemicals the brain is missing that leads to depression.

Hang in there with her. See your own counselor. Your wife's counselor may have a conflict of interest in seeing both of you together, unless you and your wife waive that conflict. When your wife's counselor believes that seeing both of you together will help your wife, you'll be asked to join the sessions.

Good luck; I'm sending positive energy your way.
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