Wife and Depression!

What is "major depression" and who diagnosed her? Did you hear the diagnosis from her doctor, or from her?
Who told you that thyroid "issues" worsened the depression?

How is she being treated? Is she on medication?

Can you provide us with more details on her behavior in the last six months?

Clinical depression isn't selective. It doesn't come and go based on who is present.

Not a whole lot to go on but it sounds more like bi-polar than depression.

A very large number of depression suffers will improve (often dramatically) after taking medication. Sometimes, though, it's a process to find the right med at the right dosage.

Keep in mind though that all meds have side-effects. A common side-effect of a number of antidepressants is diminished libido.

There are lots of different meds with different side-effects. It may take your wife some time to find the right one.

It also can take some of these meds a few months to take effect, and it won't ever be an overnight experience. Assuming she does have clinical depression and is taking meds, you need to be patient (I'm talking less than 6 months). One day you'll wake up and say "Wow, you know things have gotten a lot better!

That is if she has clinical depression.

If she's bi-polar, you have a much tougher road ahead of you (although in a minimum of cases, untreatable depression can be pretty bad as well), but depression treatments have a much better track record than those for the bi-polar.

Of course there is always the possibility that you have been sold a bill of goods. Unfortunately, there are quite a few people who try to excuse their simply bad behavior by claiming depression.

Depression can turn you into a zombie and it can make you someone who gets mad at the drop of a hat, but it doesn't make you cheat on your spouse or rob banks.

Your tale leads to a number of questions.
If she's not on meds, why not? That's only one.

I don't want this to be too lengthy. My wife has been diagnosed w/ Major Depression by a Psychiatrist. They also believe her Thyroid has a lot to do with it as she has Hashimoto disease. She is having both hypo/hyper @ the same time. Her thyroid levels were above the labs values. Off the chart. They are still extremely high.
During this time my wife said she thought our marriage was over and she wanted a divorce. She called me every name in the book and said things that still to this day have deeply scarred me. I found out she was seeing a man that has been chasing her for 15+ years. They did kiss and that was it.
She had been on Celexa but when the MD diagnosed her they put her on Remeron. It took awhile but things got better about 5-7 weeks. I am pretty sure she stopped taking them and then told her MD that she is doing better but is always tired(side effect) and the MD told her to stop. Then about 2-3 weeks after that I started seeing the depression again. Mood swings, and etc. It got real bad again for a 2-3 day span.

She gets very defensive when I ask her how she is feeling or how her appointment went. All I want to do is help or find a way to help.

THis is where it gets frustrating and hurtful. I try so hard to help her and let her know I love her yet most of the time I get little emotion back from her. I do wonder does she really want to be with me and etc. She says she loves me and wants to be with and I make her happy but it makes you think. A lot of the articles I read about Spouse's depression is that it is actually harder on the spouse that does not have depression.
I need my sanity as well but even when I try to do something to get my mind off of it I can not. Right now it is 24/7 thoughts/concerns over my wife's depression. She is finally seeing a counselor as well today but that took forever. She thought she could do it by herself. She if very stubborn.

I plan on seeing a counselor as well as I need someone to talk to on how to handle this situation. Does anyone have any help or in a similar situation. It is very tough and I have 3 kids as well. I want to stay with my wife forever but what if she does not get better. My kids and I need a healthy household. Any help would be greatly appreciated. THANKS!!

I'm not a doctor but I've had experience with depression. What you've described doesn't sound like what I know to be depression.

In any case, my experience tells me she isn't going to get better with out meds. It's caused by an imbalance of brain chemistry and she needs some additional chemicals.

If the side-effects of one drug are too much for her, she needs to switch meds. There are lots of drugs for depression and it may take a while for her to find the right one, but if she's trying, you need to be patient.

If on the other hand, she won't make the effort to treat the condition she knows she has, you've got a tough decision to make.

From what you described, you've been a solid partner so far (maybe even too easy on her - again, depression doesn't make you cheat), but if there's no end in sight because she doesn't want to work towards one then you can either resign yourself to being miserable for years to come, or move on. The latter isn't as easy as all that, but it is a viable option.

You fell in love with someone years ago. That person is now considerably different from the one you fell in love with. If the change is something she cannot control, then I can see you coming to the decision that you can't abandon her. You need to convince yourself, before you make that decision though, that she cannot control or mitigate the change.

I don't think that's the case.

Taking up with some other guy is something she could have controlled, irrespective of her depression or thyroid.
Finding and sticking with meds that can control her depression is something she can control

(Not to beat a dead horse, but mood swings are not classic symptoms of clinical depression)

Bottom line is that when you marry someone you're not making a pledge to give up any personal happiness if necessary.

You say you love her, but do you love her as she is or as she was?

You have kids and that creates an entirely different dynamic. You need to sacrifice far more for them than for your wife, but there is a point where it is better for the kids that their parents are apart than if they are together. You just need to make sure that you don't use them as an excuse for your own desires.

You say you're going to seek professional help. Good idea, and if so, you don't need me to tell you what to do.

Just remember, your wife is not a mindless slave to the condition of depression. It's a tough condition with which to deal, but it can be dealt with, and if she is one of the rare few that no meds can help, you need to confirm that before you resign yourself to a life of woe bought by a sense of duty and honor.

Nods along with Finn.

Hey dude,
I'm 20, my mom is 50, and we have just started talking recently, after 3 years of not speaking. She was diagnosed with depression, and put my dad through HELL. It hurt me so bad to see her treat him like ****, and me being 17 and her being 47, we didnt see eye to eye. I also didn't understand her condition, and how my dad could be so understanding. I told him to leave her.

But, here we are, living proof, that depression can be beat. My mom laid in bed for days, drank a lot, and was negative all the time, and had no interest in doing ANYTHING. My dad stood by her side, took her to doctor after doctor, therapist after therapist, and she FINALLY started to see what her life had become, and she started to want to change...

She hikes a lot now, is in great shape, looks awesome, and is happy, smiling, watches movies with me and my dad, goes shopping, and always is giving my dad kisses on the cheek and stuff. Her battle with depression was long and hard, but her ability to overcome it is amazing.

However, there was a toll on the family, and she knows it. I tend to date the WRONG kind of guys, and recently just got out of a 2 year relationship with an abusive, awful man...I'm not blaming her, but maybe if my mom had of been around when I met him, things would have been different...

Anyway, best of luck. Don't ever doubt your love for your wife, you guys can do it, and she needs you now more than ever, even though she wont realize it til later. Goodluck!