Reply Thu 6 Aug, 2009 07:17 am
My wife got diagnosed with Major Depression about 2 months ago. It was about 5 months ago when she said we were over and it completely came out of the blue. During that time she said some pretty rough statements towards me and I later found out that she did not cheat on me but kissed a man that has been infatuated with her for over 15 years and she knows I despise this man. During this time I could do nothing right and she wanted a divorce. One day I did say OK and later that night she came down stairs and started talking which was very strange and I found out she did not want to divorce. What turned the table was one day we got in an argument as I was hiding information from my wife and she got very mad and hit me twice in the face.
I went to my attorney and was going to file for divorce with no contact with my kids. My attorney told me to think about it for 24 hours. I went home and my wife was in a lethargic mood. I said my peace to her and she finally admitted something was wrong. I gave her an option of seeing someone or divorce. She was diagnosed with Major Depression. She also had Severe Thyroid problems which is a huge casue of this. It will probably be taken out within 3 months.
I am struggling with the depression. I love my wife so much. Yet she wants no intimacy or affection. I tell her daily what she means to me. She tells me she loves me but the words spoken months before did some major damage to myself. I have difficulty believing her especially when she is depressed, you can see nothing but cold in her eyes. When I push the issue then it just turns ugly in which she wants nothing to do with me. Also, I have become more involved with my kids which I was already but my wife somehow thinks I am conspiring against her.
I just need some help? Shall I seek some professional help as well? How can I help my wife? She is currently taking medicine but went off her depression medicine because she was feeling better and thought she could control it. Things were very well for awhile but not she is back on Remeron and her thyroid meds. Her thyroid is completely out of control.

Any suggestions would be wonderful. I love her and I know she loves me but I miss her. I miss our intimacy. THANKS!
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Reply Thu 6 Aug, 2009 10:23 am
welcome to A2K, phenom.

sounds like you both want to try and make it work.

why not find a couples counselor that you can trust, and start talking about it together?
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Reply Thu 6 Aug, 2009 02:12 pm
Yes, counseling for both of you OR else you go alone.

There are so many things going on here with her AND with you that needs to be straightened out, including a commitment from her to stay on her meds.

I am more worried about the kids. If she is perceiving a "conspiracy" in the family, then that is a red flag about her mental state.

Get some professional help, ASAP.
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Reply Thu 6 Aug, 2009 08:35 pm
Definitely counseling would help.

Also, does she have any close friends or relatives that she can talk to?
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Reply Mon 10 Aug, 2009 10:38 am
Thanks to all for your replies. She is finally going to her therapist. She has been seeing a psychiatrist and he has recommended her to this therapist and she finally made an appointment.

I do have a question. I can see also sense when my wife's mood has changed for the worse. What do I do? What do I say? When I try to talk to her you can tell she does not want to talk. Do I give her space?
Lastly, she loves our kids but our kids think we fight a lot. We argue especially up to her diagnosis. The part that really affects me is that she has a difficult time expressing her feelings to me. She only tells me she loves me when I say it to her. She kisses me only when I kiss her. She has a hard time smiling at me. I ask her if I am her stressor and if I make her happy she says "YES". When this happens it begins to snowball in my mind and then my mind wanders if it really is because of me. Is this normal? What do I think? ANy help would be greatly appreciated.
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Reply Mon 10 Aug, 2009 01:14 pm
Your wife is going thru a tough time. i am glad she will be seeing a therapist.

In the meantime, stop being so needy and trying to do your own personal sanity check by asking a person who apparently has a lot of problems.

Then, LOVE unconditionally. Kiss her and don't expect one in return. Tell her you love her and don't expect to hear it back. Be affectionate and attentive and just let it flow one way for a change. Love without expecting anything . She can NOT give you what you want, right now. Hopefully things will change.

YOU need a third party to talk to, too.

How about asking the therapist for a referral for just you?
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