Mental Health

Well, you seem to have identified some things you want to work on. Good for you!

Please seek some counseling from a professional - same sex therapist.

What you describe could be many things going on, from emotional immaturity to ADHD to hormone imbalance to diabetes. You need a complete physical from the neck down and then from the neck up.

Good luck. You sound like you are in emotional pain. You don't have to live like that.

I think you have too much time in your life to think about these things. You should start by volunteering to help other people and stop being so focused on yourself. Solving other people's problems can bring out the best in you and allow you to transform yourself through selfless good acts.

Sully has given the western perspective and I have given you the eastern. Your call Krishna.

These things are creating lot of troubles to my marriage life as well. I get annoyed everytime wife speaks wrong words towards my family her parents interfere a lot in our family matters after our marriage and they always tell my wife and me to sidelines my parents.

I assume you are not in the USA or Europe, but if you were, it would be suggested that you seek family counseling with a professional. Sometimes people need outside help to make them see the real problems and learn how to solve them.

Before you read this, just a thought for you " it seems that all the symptoms you’ve listed below, result from fear.

Fear, in terms of how others affect us, stems in great deal, from lack of self esteem.

Fear can also be a learned response (ie automatic response) to associated triggers. Often the learned response can outlive it’s usefulness to us, and hold us back from growing as people. We need to replace one habit (ie. One learned response) with a newer, better, habit.

Fear triggers the fight, flight, or freeze response.

In relation to the fight response : there’s a very old saying “What you fight, you grow attached to”. And another “The more force you exert against something, the more force is used to fight you”. Basically, fighting something, even yourself, results in attachment to the thing you fight...and the more effort you exert fighting it, the stronger that attachment grows.

Flight of course puts the problem off till another day, and freeze just fails to deal with the issue.

Yet, there is an in between path that can be found, where you accept your fears, emotions, and yourself...you make decisions knowing they may not be perfect, but it’s the best decision you can make...you choose to face the consequences come what may...and you know that the next time, you will do better, for you grow into a better and better person every day...

“Control”, of the type you would really like, rather than happening through fighting for control...it comes through understanding, acceptance, and guidance.

Fear, disipates as you become truer to yourself, you find yourself, based not on what others think of you, but on what you think of you...accepting your strength and weaknesses, and working each day towards a better you...knowing you’ll never be perfect.

I somewhat agree with vikorr on this. My husband, a writer, said the primary motive was fear. I always argued. But there is something to it.

Take your bride and MOVE to another city, far far way.

In laws and parents will drive you crazy. Time to break the umbilical cord and start your own life with your wife.

It is of course, more complex than just 'fear'.
- it is how he handle the fear
- it is how we deal with conflict
- it is the habits we develop
- it is the thoughts we initially think, the questions we initially as, and the inquisitiveness of our minds
- it is how our body reacts physiologically (if you're ever angry concentrate on slowing your breathing, and see how that affects your anger)

There's probably any number of other things that contribute to it, but at the root, if fear didn't exist, the other effects wouldn't be triggered. Saying 'it is caused by fear' is fairly true, and at the same time, a bit simplistic.

Thanks Vikorr. Really happy to get an advice from the one who understand the problem fully. Please let me know if you have any other advice for me.

You're welcome.

There's no easy advice I can truly give you - usually the journey is a journey of self discovery...which isn't a simple matter, for you must look inside yourself.

But for self discovery, I took a path that went like this :

- become aware of yourself - awareness is the key to self sustained growth (there's a wonderful book by Anthony De Mello, called 'Awareness'. I don't agree with it all, but it is an eye openning book)

- become aware of self-deception (self-deception of course, holds us back from growth, and causes needless heartache and pain). There's not many books on this at the moment, but an interesting one is "Leadership and Self-Deception" by the Arbinger Institute (again, take it with a grain of salt)

- build your self esteem (find your values, be true to them, be true to yourself, value your needs and opinions for in the end they are your responsibility, add to your skills each and every day - even if it's just conversational skills). I never found any good books on this...the major aspects to it though are : know yourself (values etc), be true to them, value them. Something I often tell others : No relationship is worth your self-esteem (be careful with this advice though, as to the cause of any lowering of your self-esteem...for when someone has very low self self esteem, they sometimes employ self-destructive habits that are no true fault of anyone else)

- become aware of others (still very much a journey for me, but we are all social creatures, and our introspection should hopefully be balanced by our empathy for others), and develop your relationships (any relationship that is not growing, is dying, even if slowly).

That was, and is, the journey for me. I hope it helps.