Reconnecting with Old Girlfriend

maybe yes, maybe no. not enough facts.

IMHO, you're right to move out as he lied and schemed to meet up with the woman. Kudos go to you for contacting this woman as well as confront him on this. You clearly are not acting as a victim. Continue with your plan to move out. He gambled on your trust and he lost.

However, only you can determine what the right course of action is for your marriage's future. Filing for divorce shows you REALLY mean business. Getting the divorce granted ...well, another issue entirely. However, thatr's a long way down the road. Take time and think about how far you want to go?

What were things like in marriage prior to the "date"? How long are you married? How old are you both? Any kids? Did he make you happy prior to this? Did he and this woman make love - or would you only be guessing about this? Was he trying to fool her, too?

Perhaps you might let the dust settle and see whether or not he is truly contrite and behaves while you are separated? How will you be able to verify he was well behaved? Trust might be hard to validate.

If he lied and cheated after you first caught him making the date etc., well? Many would find it it hard to EVER trust him again. If after an extended period of time (your timeframe), he's mended his wicked ways and goes to marriage counselor with you -- perhaps you could reconsider and cancel the divorce papers.

You need to determine what scenario works for you and what is both in your heart and mind.

Hire a good private detective to follow him around next time you suspect something. A good PI will not hesitate to peek in windows.

Two issues are raised that I see :

- firstly, he lied to you, and broke your trust. It may have been that she was just a friend and he didn't want a fight with you, except that :

- they went for their date out of town. If you are just a friend, there is no need to do this, but if you don't want to be seen by anyone in town, then there is.

There's a further issue that arises from both these combined - your husband went to extraordinary lengths to see this woman.

So . . . what does he say NOW?

T his may have been something he wanted to check out - the fantasy of it all. And he did. So what now?

Do you really want to divorce him?

As someone asked before, how were things BEFORE all this happened/

someone waving ~~~

(I sure hope she comes back.)

We have been married for 5 years and have a four year old son. My husband has begged me to stay asking if we can go to counseling. Before this incident things were okay...not great. I don't want to divorce him but I want him to hurt as bad as I do. Is that normal?

sad.

What do you mean sad? That I am pathetic for wanting him to hurt or are you empathizing with me?

I just think it's sad when I see people in a relationship hurting each other. I suppose most adult people have been in the same situation at some time in their lives and it's always sad to see.

You right it is sad when people are in relationship hurting each other. Thanks for that prospective, making me think more.

Couples DO get thru this.

I fully undertand your wanting him to hurt as much as you are. How do you know he is not hurting now? He must feel like a rat, a traitor to your vows, and disappointing husband and father.

You both have some healing to do. Your job is to talk with him and see if this is something he really wants. If not, you are going to have to go it alone. Your child needs you - a happy and healthy mother. No matter what his father has done.

Is there a third party you can talk to? counselor, religious leader, relative?

We have an appointment with a counselor on Tuesday. Thank you all so much for the advice. My husband and I are a young couple and I don't like always going to my mother and father for advice. The advice that I have recieved in this forum has been very insightful.