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Editing needed

 
 
Reply Thu 2 Jul, 2009 08:24 am
Please edit the following passage both grammatically and rhetorically:

What is most urgent is to feed your people, and not to let them starve. The so-called American Imperialism is a great misconception. War hurts, even if you can win the war with nukes. In case North Korea military force bombs South Korea into Stone Age, NK will also get the Age as a return. So what is good for your country? US government is not perfect, but it does not make its people hungry. Yet most of NKorean people are now suffering from the food shortage.
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oristarA
 
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Reply Fri 3 Jul, 2009 05:58 pm
It seems the English expression of the passage is perfect, so that no one would like to comment on it again?
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JTT
 
  1  
Reply Sat 4 Jul, 2009 04:15 pm
@oristarA,
It's difficult to do considering that we don't know the intended audience, ie. the register which would influence word choice, Oristar.

As a way of getting your message across, it is understandable, but portions don't sound natural. I'm going to assume that this is someone talking. My changes reflect only stylistic changes. Others might have other ideas, many of those ideas might well be better.

===========================

What is most urgent is to feed your people, [and] to not let them starve. [The] So-called American Imperialism is a great misconception. War hurts, even if you can win the war with nukes.

[In case] Should North Korea's military forces bomb South Korea into the Stone Age, [NK will also get the Age as a return] North Korea would be treated in kind.

So what is good for your country? The US government is not perfect, but it does not make its people hungry. Yet most of the North Korean people are now suffering from a shortage of food.[the food shortage].
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oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 9 Jul, 2009 12:41 am
Thank you JTT.
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