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Mon 6 Oct, 2003 04:32 am
I don't know where to begin, I just can't see where I went wrong.
My husband and I have been married for 6 years in November, he is 28 and I am 32. We have no children. We are from different countries and I moved away from my family and my career to be with him.
Of late he has been very secrative and he lies, he was always so honest with me. I trusted him.
When I first came to his country I met his best friend and I enjoyed him, over a period of time the friendship fizzled out as my husband and I were into marital bliss, well 5 years later this pal has decided to bring strife into our marriage, he is going through relationship problems himself and he is phoning my husband in the afternoons, when my hubby is working, he is a Director of his own business, and then my husband sneaks out of work for drinks with him and comes home drunk, there has been times he has not come home at all. It is all getting too much for me and I am silently heartbroken. They are going to the Casino's and bars that my husband would never take me, because they are rough. His interest in porno movies is just as shocking. He is giving this guy money as he is struggling at the moment, as he was fired from his last job, it is not small amounts it is money that we were saving for our future.
We have argued timously about this, but he stands firm and says that he is not willing to give up this friendship with this guy, I am very lonley and he knows also that I can't just leave him, because I have to travel half way around the world, and I think that is the reason he takes advantage. I am a nervous wreck, there is a bigger picture to this story, but I just don't know where to begin.
Any advice would be appreciated.
It doesn't sound to me like you are the one at fault here. It also sounds like this friend is poisoning your husband's mind with his own relationship problems. If there is a bigger picture to the story, you should let us know, so we can give you proper advice on how to proceed.
Re: What did I do
aada wrote:
...he knows also that I can't just leave him, because I have to travel half way around the world, and I think that is the reason he takes advantage....
Can you contact your parents? A sybling? A friend? Some other relative (like an aunt)? You have options; you don't have to be stuck like this but you'll need to make the moves here. Do you work? Can you save money in your own account? I realize this also makes you secretive but your husband is tossing your money at casinos, this "friend" of his and possibly strippers and who knows what else. You'll need $$ to get out of this situation. And, if you don't want to get out of this situation, you'll still need money, as you're in an inferior position here and that's no way to be.
We'd like to help but we definitely need more to work on - why, exactly, can't you leave? Are you in your country illegally? There are places you can go, even if you're illegal.
I agree with cavfancier; I doubt that you're at fault here but that's based on the limited information you've given us.
I have the same questions as the others. You said you left your career to be with him. Can you get back into your career where you are now? Do you want to stay there or go back home? If you had a career, then you should be able to step right back into it. As the others said, we'd need more information in order to try and help.
My husband and I have been up all night talking about this situation. We are going to see a marriage councillor and he also agrees that he should stop seeing this friend of his as he realises that it is killing our marriage. He suggests that we plan time away to talk and spend QT. I am not going to rush into this as there has been promises made before, but he has never been as sincere. I certainly will keep you guys informed of what is going on in my life, it is nice to know that there are people out there whom are genually concerned. Just to answer your questions - I am not an illegal alien, everything has been done above board. I could easily get back into my career, it would not be a problem, but the time spent away from my family can never be relived. I just don't want all this to have been a waste.
nothing is a waste as we learn from our past and our mistakes and the problems in life. It is good that he is willing to try and save your relationship, looks like you have a starting point.
aada
That's great news. I wish you and your husband the very best in keeping things together. Communication is the best thing and I think it's great that he can see that there is a problem and is willing to work on solving it.
By the way, welcome to A2K :-)
i hope so..
I hope everything works out!! I really do!! But where are you from? BTW, I also need advice. If you go to that link. Thank-you. I hope everything works out. Bye.
http://able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=396788#396788
I am from London, England, my husband is South African (Afrikaans).
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