5
   

How to get on good terms with my boyfriends mom again?

 
 
Reply Wed 27 May, 2009 06:49 am
Ok so ive been dating my boyfriend for half a yr. At the very beginning of our relationship me and his mom (stepmom) were ok with each other, we would sit down and have conversations about little things and laugh with each other. Well we sort of fell off when she got comfortable to where she thought she could get into our business. Maybe bc his ex girlfriend would call her everytime they had an arguement and put her in their business. (Im not like that i prefer his mom to mind her own business with his dad.) Like every time we argued she would want to know why and my boyfriend being the mommys boy that he is would tell her every detail of our arguement.

Well i had a talk with him about it and he agreed to stop doing that. When she realized he stopped telling her stuff about us she started to act weird with me. Like i would say hi to her and she would say hi and walk away and act really rude. And she started telling him things like u spend a lot of time with her, and ur cousin says he never sees u anymore or for example she told him he looked stressed out ever since he got with me. Well to make a long story short my boyfriend loves his mom alot and i feel like with me and her not being on good terms like we were makes things a lil awkward. Things were a lot easier when me and her got along. Any advice on what i can do to get back on her good side?
  • Topic Stats
  • Top Replies
  • Link to this Topic
Type: Question • Score: 5 • Views: 5,294 • Replies: 10
No top replies

 
chai2
 
  0  
Reply Wed 27 May, 2009 07:37 am
@dominicana101,
maybe if you didn't fight with your boyfriend he wouldn't have any "business" to tell his mother.

if there is that much arguing going on, it doesn't say much for your relationship.

your boyfriend can decide for himself what he wants to discuss with his mother. You're not his wife, and blood is thicker than water.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Wed 27 May, 2009 08:00 am
I've read your thread here about this situation and other threads on this relationship. Frankly, I think you both need some time to mature before being in a committed relationship. You'll both benefit from seeing others and learning more about what having an adult committed relationship is about. The things with which you're both having trouble have to do with needing more experience and maturity. I offer this advice because your other threads indicate you both are having diffculty working out how much freedom your're willing to extend to the other person. You both are dealing with some self confidence issues - a normal part of the process of maturing.

Please understand that these issues in and of themselves are not a bad thing at all. Learning and growth are good. I really don't mean this advice to sound harsh, so I hope you won't react defensively. This relationship really shouldn't be an exclusive one based on your comments.

BTW, re his mother: His mother may seem to be interfering to you, but she knows her son needs to mature and she is encouraging him not to lose his focus and to remember and participate in other important relationships, too. However, if she is being rude to you, that is not right, either. He clearly isn't ready to settle down in an exclusive relationship. My guess is that she's trying to look out for his best interests.

0 Replies
 
arricalee
 
  0  
Reply Thu 28 May, 2009 12:19 am
@dominicana101,
try to buy her heart. I mean, try gaining her trust and love by doing something special for her like volunteer to do the laundry or house chores. Buy her something nice, I am sure she will learn to let go later.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 May, 2009 07:16 am
@dominicana101,
You're absolutely right to have boundaries.

However, being the person to introduce boundaries and enforce them is going to make you unpopular. Change is not generally welcomed.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 May, 2009 05:13 am
@DrewDad,
Quote:
Well i had a talk with him about it and he agreed to stop doing that. When she realized he stopped telling her stuff about us she started to act weird with me. Like i would say hi to her and she would say hi and walk away and act really rude.

Think of what you're taking away from her. Do you expect her to act any differently?

Quote:
And she started telling him things like u spend a lot of time with her, and ur cousin says he never sees u anymore or for example she told him he looked stressed out ever since he got with me. Well to make a long story short my boyfriend loves his mom alot and i feel like with me and her not being on good terms like we were makes things a lil awkward. Things were a lot easier when me and her got along. Any advice on what i can do to get back on her good side?

Seriously, you don't know what's causing the problem?

As for whether or not you're right to 'put up boundaries', I wouldn't go so far as to say either way. It's not a right or wrong issue, but a compatibility issue.

As an aside, if his mother is objective, she may actually provide him with good advice that can help your relationship with your boyfriend go smoother.
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Fri 29 May, 2009 06:48 am
@vikorr,
vikorr wrote:
As an aside, if his mother is objective, she may actually provide him with good advice that can help your relationship with your boyfriend go smoother.

Ahahahahahahaha! Good one!
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sat 30 May, 2009 03:41 am
@DrewDad,
heheh Smile
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  0  
Reply Sat 30 May, 2009 05:49 am
You are upsetting the apple cart: you are involved with a guy that is very close with his mother and now you want that relationahip to change.

Your boyfriend needs to set the boundaries about what he is talking to his mother about. You don't say how old you are, but be very careful about how much distance you require this guy to have with his mother. My daughter broke up her 10 year relationship because of a mother problem. And he's a 40 year old Doctor!!

0 Replies
 
Nikkibell
 
  1  
Reply Sat 12 Nov, 2016 07:51 am
Hi...I need some advice...I am with my bf prob 7 mths now...his mom n family gave me the impression they accepted me...in that they will hug..n kiss my cheek n ask me how I'm doing whenever I see them...recently I found out that its not what it seem n they don't actually accept me cuz I hav a 3 year old daughter...my child dad n I broke up after a string of physical n verbal abuse...n I thought to myself I didn't want my daughter growing up seeing her dad treat mommy that way n believe in her older years that its right for a guy to treat her that way....then I realised what can b worse if her mom is nt there to protect her...so I left...my current bf is sweet..caring n loves children...he has no prob with my daughter...however his mom does...n they hav been having arguments n he even checked a place to rent ..however I'm not to comfy with that...I lost my dad earlier on so I knw how important it is to have ur parents around n I'm a mom myself...I understand that she seeks his best interest cuz she loves him..after all I love him to...I believe its important for any relation into marriage to have the blessings of ur parents...any advise on how I can do this?
ehBeth
 
  0  
Reply Sat 12 Nov, 2016 08:44 am
@Nikkibell,
Family, including parents, are not always good people to associate with.

Your boyfriend needs to make his own decisions about what is right in his relationship with his family.

___

It is not always best to have a relationship with parents/family. You know that.
You are no longer with your child's father.

If you really believed that the relationship between the parent and child was important beyond anything else, you would have stayed with your ex.

0 Replies
 
 

Related Topics

 
  1. Forums
  2. » How to get on good terms with my boyfriends mom again?
Copyright © 2022 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.03 seconds on 08/13/2022 at 03:51:25