Nice guys ALWAYS FINISH LASTS no matter where, what or why...?

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I study hard and do well at college. I play football taking hit after hit and still get up and i have a good athletic body. I dont drink do drugs or any of that crap. I love my family and am a gentleman - saying thanks, helping people, opening doors to woman (you get the idea). I have morals and goals too setting myself up for the future.

Yet I am a nice guy. Full stop no need to say anything more. I always finish last. Even when I got really close to a girl to the point we were like a couple, she still said friendship was more important to her when i asked her out.

so I guess nice guys will always finish last then eh....

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@Lif3,

There's many, many reasons why nice guys finish last :

- they aren't being aren't being themself (nice guys don't show their sexual desire for a girl to a girl, until they believe the girl thinks it's okay)
- not displaying your sexual side is deceptive (you are human, and humans are sexual creatures. Displaying it is actually honest, and requires confidence)
- they do what the girl wants (a girl wants a guy who has a mind of his own)
- they tend to wait for permission for anything they are uncertain of involving the girl (which is lots - ie displays lack of confidence)
- they care too much about the girls opinions (shows a lack of respect for their own)
- they back down when the girl doesn't like them chasing her (ie. No persistence, no self confidence)
- they tend to focus on one girl only (shows a low value)

I'm sure there's many other angles that you could come from - those are just off the top of my head. It's not about being 'bad' per se...but it's the bad boys that usually display the 'right' attitude (in particular area's of attraction), and the 'nice guys' that usually don't.

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@Lif3,

Lif3 wrote:

I study hard and do well at college. I play football taking hit after hit and still get up and i have a good athletic body. I dont drink do drugs or any of that crap. I love my family and am a gentleman - saying thanks, helping people, opening doors to woman (you get the idea). I have morals and goals too setting myself up for the future.

Yet I am a nice guy. Full stop no need to say anything more. I always finish last. Even when I got really close to a girl to the point we were like a couple, she still said friendship was more important to her when i asked her out.

so I guess nice guys will always finish last then eh....

No, not always.

It sounds like you are doing the right stuff for your life, though. Sooner or later your girl issues will work out and then you'll be a nice guy WITH a nice girl.

Though; you don't have to be nice ALL the time, and sometimes, the girls like a little danger...

Cycloptichorn

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@Cycloptichorn,

Vikkor said:

Quote:

here's many, many reasons why nice guys finish last :

Quote:
- they aren't being aren't being themself (nice guys don't show their sexual desire for a girl to a girl, until they believe the girl thinks it's okay)
- not displaying your sexual side is deceptive (you are human, and humans are sexual creatures. Displaying it is actually honest, and requires confidence)

So being a sexual being is not 'nice'? I'm a girl and I don't believe that how sexual you either are or aren't has anything to do with how nice you may or may not be.

Quote:
- they do what the girl wants (a girl wants a guy who has a mind of his own)

that's not being nice, that's being easily manipulated.

Quote:
- they tend to wait for permission for anything they are uncertain of involving the girl (which is lots - ie displays lack of confidence)

again, that's not nice, that's indecisive

Quote:
- they care too much about the girls opinions (shows a lack of respect for their own)

that's not being nice - that's being easily led

Quote:
- they back down when the girl doesn't like them chasing her (ie. No persistence, no self confidence
)
that's not only being nice - that's called refusing to be a stalker or an irritant

Quote:
- they tend to focus on one girl only (shows a low value)

that's called loyalty/faithfulness being true to their feelings, etc.

I think you guys have a misconception about what constitutes niceness. My mother is 'nice'. That's not why I never wanted to go out with her.

Nice is good. It's just that there has to be a little extra spark present for someone to want to be with someone else. That spark either is or isn't present. It has nothing at all to do with whether someone is 'nice' or not.

Believe it or not - most women do NOT want to be disrespected and treated like crap by a guy. They really would like NICE, just along with other characteristics that make the person special to them.

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@aidan,

Hello Aidan,

I don't disagree with you. What I used as examples were classic 'nice guy' behaviour.

Many men are brought up (by their mothers) to treat women a certain way, and somewhat by certain numerous romance movies. It's usually these attitudes that form the core of 'nice guy' behaviour...many examples of which, you commented on.

Quote:

- they tend to focus on one girl only (shows a low value)

Quote:

that's called loyalty/faithfulness being true to their feelings, etc.

Really? The examples I gave were talking about generic 'nice guys', not about the OP's particular situation - What has a girl that a guys only really just met done to deserve not just loyalty, but monogamy and sole attention?

You don't think she doesn't enjoy the attention of a number of guys chasing her? You don't think that if she's only just mildly interested in a guy she's just met, that she'd jump at having a date with someone she finds fascinating?

Quote:

I think you guys have a misconception about what constitutes niceness.

There's two types of nice. Nice to please, and nice by nature without sacrificing your sense/value of self.

Quote:

Nice is good. It's just that there has to be a little extra spark present for someone to want to be with someone else. That spark either is or isn't present. It has nothing at all to do with whether someone is 'nice' or not.

Almost every girl thinks this, and almost every girl proves to guys through their actions that this is wrong.

Quote:

Believe it or not - most women do NOT want to be disrespected and treated like crap by a guy.

I believe it - I just don't think that the majority women have the self esteem enough to believe it themselves. That's a shame in my opinion.

Quote:

They really would like NICE, just along with other characteristics that make the person special to them.

Depends on your definition of nice. I've never known a guy that didn't dread being called nice by a girl, for that guy knows he's been confined to the 'lets just be friends' pile (whereas 'nice' has a different meaning if the girl tells her friends that 'he's nice') -ie. Lacking that spark you talk about.

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@aidan,

Ok I have given some one that was a "nice guy" the friendship card not because he was too nice but because he came across as needy. He was a gentleman and all but women want a man that is a cross between a bad boy and a nice guy. If u can balance that out u will have no problem. Women want to know that a man is going to defend her honor when she gets disrespected and that is where the bad boy would come in. when it comes to nice guys u don't get the feeling that u would be worth defending....like they would say lets just go instead of saying something to the person that disrespected us in the first place. not saying women want a man to fight just stand up thats all

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@Lif3,

I would be willing to bet that the things you mentioned in your description of yourself have nothing to do with why you finish last with the ladies.

In the phrase, "nice guys finish last," I think the term "nice guys" should be exchanged for the term "doormat." Nice guys don't finish last. Doormats do.

I know, because I have been the "nice guy" many times in my life. I'd say odds are good that at some point, when you have had enough of being treated like a sucker, you will grow a pair of balls and stop being a doormat. Keep hope alive!

1 Reply

@kickycan,

Quote:

In the phrase, "nice guys finish last," I think the term "nice guys" should be exchanged for the term "doormat." Nice guys don't finish last. Doormats do.

Here I thought everyone understood that usual use of the term 'nice guy' = doormat?

Bad boys by the way - make their life happen.

Nice guys - tend to let life cruise by, going along without 'whatever others are doing / whatever she wants to do'

I've little doubt that women are instinctively drawn to men that 'make things happen'.

It's possible to take the essence of what makes them attractive to women, and still be romantic / be thoughtful / be considerate

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This is too common of a complaint - from both men and women.

Perhaps it is from choosing the wrong "prospect."

There are probably several girls out there that might have a crush on you, but you are not looking at them. Instead, you focus on the unattainable. (Hey, would George Clooney even look at me? Yet I could spend my time pining over him and feeding my low self esteem)

Open your eyes to more women.

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@Lif3,

I can give you the best reason in the world why nice guys finish last: They finish last cause every girl needs those really bad catches in there life to better love the nice guy that we finally end up spending the rest of our life.

Trust me I dated the worst kind of guys all through high school and now I'm with the best guy, he's a little slow at the relationship thing cause he's only had 2 other girlfrinds before me.

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Nice guys ALWAYS FINISH LASTS no matter where, what or why...?

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