@oristarA,
Quote:Domains under heaven, after a long period of division, tends to unite; after a long period of union, tends to divide.
should be:
Quote:Domains under heaven, after a long period of division, TEND to unite and after a long period of union, TEND to divide.
Your word order is okay, but awkward -and your punctuation is wrong. The clause after the semi-colon is not an independent clause; it can't work on its own as a complete sentence, so you used the semi-colon incorrectly.
You could tighten this sentence up and avoid all those mistakes by writing:
Domains under heaven tend to unite after long periods of division, but after long periods in which they've been united, they tend to divide.
I think that reads a little more clearly.
Quote:But when Qin's destiny had been fulfilled, arose two opposing kingdoms, Chu and Han, to fight for the mastery. And Han was the victor*.
Again, word order is awkward here.
I'd write:
But when Qin's destiny had been fulfilled, two opposing kingdoms, Chu and Han, arose to fight for mastery, and Han was the victor.
or
But when Qin's destiny had been fulfilled, two opposing kingdoms, Chu and Han, arose to fight for mastery. Han was the victor.
I sort of like it as two sentences- it works in terms of emphasis that way, but you need to delete the 'and' (technically).
Quote:The rise of the fortunes of Han began when Liu Bang, the Supreme Ancestor,* slew a white serpent to raise the banners of uprising, which only ended when the whole empire belonged to Han (BC 202). This magnificent heritage was handed down in successive Han emperors for two hundred years, till the rebellion of Wang Mang caused a disruption*. But soon Liu Xiu, the Latter Han Founder, restored the empire*, and Han emperors continued their rule for another two hundred years till the days of Emperor Xian, which were doomed to see the beginning of the empire's division into three parts, known to history as The Three Kingdoms.
This is okay as it is, except that I've inserted a few commas where needed, and I would use the word 'until' instead of 'till'. I think you meant ''til' anyway, but that's a little informal for the rest of the piece.
Quote:Emperor Huan paid no heed to the good people of his court, but gave his confidence to the Palace eunuchs*. He lived and died, leaving the scepter to Emperor Ling, whose advisers were Regent Marshal Dou Wu and Imperial Guardian Chen Fan*. Dou Wu and Chen Fan, disgusted with the abuses of the eunuchs in the affairs of the state, plotted the destruction for the power-abusing eunuchs. But Chief Eunuch Cao Jie was not to be disposed of easily. The plot leaked out, and the honest Dou Wu and Chen Fan were put to death, leaving the eunuchs stronger than before.
This looks fine except for the word 'for'. If I'm understanding the meaning correctly- I'd use 'of'.
I think word order is the aspect of written and spoken English that can tend to separate native English speakers from those who aren't.
This is where you could focus your efforts, in terms of achieving simple and more readable flow.
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