how do i fix my marriage

LittBit - you sound stressed out, and so does your husband. What's with the other 3 people in your house, not to mention the 8 dogs - how are they all feeling? Maybe you should see that the dogs are taken care of for a couple of days and go to a relaxing beach hotel with a pool, just you and your husband - doesn't have to be too far, or too expensive, just a change of pace. Let us know how y'all getting along

HS has the right idea.
You and your husband should pack a change of clothes each, fill the gas tank in your vehicle, and then leave.

My wife and I do that once a month.
We go as far as we can on one tank of gas, then we get a hotel room, turn off our phones, and spend the weekend by ourselves.
It helps us to keep our sanity.
Also, the dogs and the other people living with you have got to go.
You dont need them, and the loss of privacy for you and your husband will hurt your marriage.
It would hurt any marriage.

Hi LittBit, one of the few consistencies we have in life is that we change as we grow...unfortunately, it's natural that couple don't always grow in the same direction.

Another sad truth is that while there are people out there that we are capable of deeply loving, that doesn't mean that they are compatible with us. In other words, there are people we can love, that, when living with them long term, would help us become miserable (whether or not your husband is compatible with you, is up to you to find out).

A few comments,


I'm glad you want things to be positive. However, this quote brings to mind a couple of old sayings :
- You are attached to what you fight; and
- The harder you fight, the more force is applied in return

If you are mad, don't fight it - direct the emotion into a positive outlet (otherwise it just builds up). Listen to your internal dialogue next time you notice this sort of thing happening...and keep track of how it builds up over time (ie multiple incidents), you'll see it's true.

This may be the source of much of the 'stress', or it may be just a symptom of it. I'm guessing that he invited them in for financial reasons?


Because he is losing control of his life.


And it won't. The problem is largely internal to him. He is losing control of his life. Help him address those issues, and things may get better.

Because he doesn't understand why you aren't suffering while he is losing control of his life...and also, he doesn't want to blame himself for the loss of control.

...again, his loss of control speaking.

Try asking 'what would need to happen, realistically, for us to regain control of our lives'?

Other than that, you probably have to see someone trained in this sort of stuff to work out coping / handling skills. As a word of caution, some psychologists / counsellors / mediators are better than others.

Thank you so much for all of your advice. and i would love to leave from everything. but that is just not going to happen. just the other day he fell at work and messed up his knee, and know we just don't have time to do anything. if he is not at working then he is at the house in so much pain he can't do anything. if we did have the time then we don't have the $$$ to do anything. we are trying to save the $$$ to bye a home.
One of the people that is living with us is Chris dad. he is dieing of canser. the other one is his brother. We invited him to come b/c he needs to get away from all of the drugs in his life and do better for his life and his wife. and the last one that is living with us is a friend. he is living with us b/c he is trying to get away from all of the drugs to. they was living 2 states away. they just need to get away from all of those things and people that is going to put them back to those thing.
Thank you so much for all of you help. Littbit

Good luck to you!