Confused and need help!

Should I stay with my husband even if he is emotionally (and maybe physically) abusive and try to go to counselling and not contact the other man ? My husband has not changed a lot in the last 3 years. So, I don't know if counselling can help him. I have always been very honest with my husband and I have told him about this other guy also. My husband is not okay with divorce and he wants me to cut contact with this friend, but he is unwilling to change. Should I just get out of this marriage even if I get no moral support from family ?

Here is my opinion. I grew up in an abusive home and I am very screwed up because of it. I don't deny that. My mother was a fool to stay in that relationship and let this man beat her and her kids. I have no respect for the woman today because of it.

That aside, I feel that you need to get out. Will your family respect you if they are attending your funeral after he kills you? Seriously, anyone who thinks you should stay in an abusive relationship does not have your best interest in mind. The concern for your well being should be more important to your family then anything else.

I am betting that he says he's sorry when you indicate that you are unhappy. He says he will stop and be a better husband, right? It's not true, and the guy is sick. Any man who hits a woman or child is not a real man, and if he hits you, he will probobly beat the children too, at some point.

I can't tell you to get a divorce, but I can tell you that I would think it very unwise to stay in an abusive marraige. Forget about the other man for now. Don't expect one man to save you from another. This is something you need to do for yourself. Right now, this other guy looks great in comparison, but don't forget that there is a reason you broke up in the first place. I'm not saying that you guys should not get back together at some point, but you first need to take care of yourself and your child.

Again, this is just my opinion.

ProgShred - Thank you so much for your reply. Even though my question sounds like a very simple question, it is the hardest because of our culture. But I think it is time for me to stand up for myself and my child. I feel divorce is an option now because my child is trying to imitate her father and I don't want her to behave like her father when she grows up or to think that this is an acceptable behavior. Some day I hope I will have the courage to make this decision of leaving my H. I'm trying to find a job now and I'm dependent on my H financially for the time being. After I get a new job, I will definitely move out and try not to be too worried about what others will think.

pinkbutterfly,

getting a job is a good first step, but it is just that..a first step.

From here you may want to consider the day when you secure a job that you will have a plan in place to get back your freedom of self.

Find out where the nearest women's shelter is so if you have to leave the next time he becomes violent, get the kids and go. Create a 'ready to go' suitcase now and arrange to have it kept at a trusted friend's house. Do not let H know where your job is. If you need to create some sort of false trail away from your new job then do that so that he cannot track you down there. One you have a job, secure a cell phone and do not give H the number.

What sort of arrangements can you make ahead of time to be sure the kids are provided for? Can you begin to gather birth certificates or other documents that you will need for their future. Keep your actions discreet but focus on taking control over your future....

Wishing you the best of luck!

Hi, I am a soon to be graduate from med school and let me tell you that I believe you when you say that your exboyfriend has never been with any woman since you two broked up. Reason I am saying this is because one of my male friends is still in love with his exgirlfriend. He is here in Houston and she is in another city. He hasn't dated ANY girls since he's been here. He is so in love with his ex and wants to go back for her after he is done with med school.

So going back to you, I recommend that you go back with your exgirlfriend. You still love him and he loves you. Right now your husband is not doing anything about his behavior. I suggest you look at your life that you have now and the life that you had with your exboyfriend. I bet you had more fun when you were still with your exboyfriend. But really think about it, I recommend getting back with your ex, he sounds sincere, and trust me there are guys like him out there....a few, but you are lucky when you find them. And you found your exboyfriend....keep him and don't ever let him go. Good luck.

Well I think that you do need to get out of this relationship, but NOT to be with your ex. You need to do this for yourself and your child. You mentioned that your culture doesn't accept it... well do they accept abuse? If you divorce him and your culture does not accept it, you may be unhappy for a little while trying to deal with being accepted; but believe me you will be alot unhappier for a much longer period of time if you stay with this monster. Your child will be unhappy as well.