NY or CA?

I like both places a great deal, but I'd not deign to advise your friend - we couldn't begin to guess the series of feelings your friend has or will have. Would you take advice on such a decision from strangers online?

I'd tell her to follow her heart, but she must consider her boyfriend, too. (Doesn't anyone get married anymore?)

Other than that, I'd stay out of it - or prepare to get "blamed" if things go wrong and she relied on your advice to make this decision.

All this heartache caused by a chap unwilling to control his bestial urges.

It's a crying shame.

Just for a moment think of the moments on which this tense situation is posited.

Get real.

Both NY and CA are nice to live, however, you mentioned that your friend
is only 22 years old and has had a serious relationship for the past 5 years
which means she was 17 years old when she met him. Way too young for
such an exclusive relationship. I'd say to my friend: "Go to California and be with your family. Your boyfriend obviously won't leave NY and hasn't
spoken of marriage in 5 years either - he doesn't seem committed to this
relationship, so why should you be! "

yea she met him when she was still in high school...she asked me because i asked her TRUTHFULLY what she really wanted & she told me that she was really split right down the middle..didn't know AT ALL which way to sway..of course i understand, I could never tell her what to do I was just curious what you would do in this situation?...And they have talked about getting married, starting a family & that serious business...but she's a hopeless romantic LOL

I'll agree from my own bias that she is in the prime of life for getting to know herself - and that is very important to me. It was when I was 17-22 and even more important in retrospect.

also, i'd like to add that her boyfriend is nice, he takes care of her & everything, he can be a bit...controlling, possessive & jealous at times...he doesn't hit her or anything, but he does have a bit of a temper..

Sounds to me like your friend isn't quite grown up yet at 22. I mean, she is torn about wanting to leave her home to be near her family because her mother is pregnant? What next? Will she want to move home because her sister is going to get married and she won't see her and her new husband but once or twice a year? Get real. For the entire time she has been in NY she has not been able to see her family but a couple times a year. (I'm guessing) The fact that there is going to be a new addition to the family shouldn't matter. If it does, then she should never have moved away from her family to begin with I guess.

If this were the boyfriend with this dilemma, everyone here would be calling him a mama's boy and advising her to drop him since he will never be able to cut those strings. Tell your friend to grow up. She can see the kid when she can and go on and live her life.

Live in "New York City" once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in "Northern California" once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Kind of what I was thinking as well. Did she have a problem before with only seeing her family a once or twice a year? Is it simply the baby that changed her mind? Seems odd to me if she didn't miss anyone else enough.

It must be more than just the baby. I think the baby is the excuse. Is she having some concern about her boyfriend? Does he not want to commit? Does she not want to commit? Why is she is NY now - you said she is going to school - where is her school and when is she finishing? I would think her priority would be to complete her schooling.