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How to stop missing someone?

 
 
piya
 
Reply Wed 4 Mar, 2009 05:02 am
I meet one guy in my office 2-3 months ago.He had charming personality.We had great conversations.I felt i have meet special someone in my life.Just for curiosity i did little search about his past.I came to know he had flings with N number of girls.He was a kinda player person.I felt sad and decided to move on in life. But i am not able to forget him.What to do guys in such a situation?I am trying so hard but still not able to make myself neutral towards him.
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Type: Question • Score: 7 • Views: 5,376 • Replies: 15
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Setanta
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Mar, 2009 05:04 am
It sounds to me as though you are obsessing about him. Find someone else, or find other things to do in the times when work does not claim your attention. There are many fish in the sea.
ebrown p
 
  2  
Reply Wed 4 Mar, 2009 07:36 am
@Setanta,
Yeah, you are right Set.... but who wants to date a fish?
0 Replies
 
Phoenix32890
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Mar, 2009 07:40 am
@piya,
piya- Welcome to A2K! Very Happy

One if the things about "players" is that they have the kinds of personalities that are attractive to women. They make the women feel special.

Maybe if you can think that this guy considered you as simply one of a string of possible conquests, he won't seem quite as wonderful to you.

It the meantime, listen to Setanta. There are plenty of decent guys around.
0 Replies
 
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Wed 4 Mar, 2009 07:43 pm
The issue is the 'way you feel' (or pysiologically, the chemical reaction you get) when you think about him (or when your 'feelings' are triggered by anchored/associated responses - which operate on the same principle as Pavlov's ringing a bell to make a dog salivate...so simply being around him can trigger a response).

What you do depends on your internal discipline - you either think of something else everytime you find yourself thinking of him, or you find something to distract you, or you wear yourself out, or you learn to meditate. Anything that works (apart from time) takes effort.

The long term solution is to learn to know yourself and be true to yourself.
0 Replies
 
curtis73
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Mar, 2009 01:28 pm
I think its a shame that you refuse to potentially enrich your life with this guy just because he's had N women. I've had N women as well, but I'm a Libra who can make others feel good about themselves. Perhaps the fact that he has been with N women is a sign that he's really desirable and a good person. Multiple sexual partners does not a player make. If he plays women to get them in bed, yes. But, here's the thing. He hasn't played you... you fell for him. So to assume he's a player just by his N women is unfair.

Don't close doors. As a guy that is one of the most frustrating things for me. I crave deep plutonic friendships with women as well as sexual ones. Just because you have written him off as a sexual partner, don't write him off as a friend. The two don't have to be individually exclusive.

Explore it, be true to yourself and to him, be cautious of your heart, and let it happen. Best case scenario is that you fall in love, get married, and live blissfully forever more. Worst case scenario is that you don't... which is where you are now.

I'm in a situation right now where I'm planning a first date with someone new that I've known for a couple months. She is a wonderful person and I'm totally falling in love. She has one physical feature that I don't specifically like; she has taken body piercing and tatooing to the extreme. I like tatoos and piercings, so its not a turn-off, but its just not really something I think enhances her physical attributes. I refuse to let a small thing like whether or not I like them to get in the way of what might be an incredible friendship, relationship, or even just a healthy sexual encounter.

Each relationship is individual. To prejudge what your relationship would be like based on the number of women he's slept with is a little premature.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Mar, 2009 08:24 pm
@curtis73,
Quote:
Best case scenario is that you fall in love, get married, and live blissfully forever more. Worst case scenario is that you don't.


You have named the best case scenario correctly (which seems very unlikely), but you've missed by a wide mark the worst case scenario.
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Mar, 2009 09:15 pm
You are stuck on the FANTASY of it all. Most .likely he would have cheated on you and made your life miserable.

Do a sanity check - and thank yourself for the good judgement. Saved yourself a lot of heartache.

0 Replies
 
curtis73
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Mar, 2009 11:43 pm
Way to expect the worst in people, folks. Good for you Sad

Anyone else think she might be missing a great opportunity?
TTH
 
  1  
Reply Thu 5 Mar, 2009 11:47 pm
@curtis73,
curtis73 wrote:
Anyone else think she might be missing a great opportunity?
I do
There's no book that says you have to forget him. Do what you feel is right.
0 Replies
 
margo
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Mar, 2009 01:46 am
If you keep missing him - practice until your aim improves!
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 6 Mar, 2009 01:54 am
@curtis73,
Quote:
I crave deep plutonic friendships with women as well as sexual ones.

This could be dangerous.

No, but I agree with you. It could be great. Who knows? He might get all addicted to YOU! You could be that special someone who changes his playing ways...you know?
(But don't count on it).

I think you just have to weigh the pros and cons and decide if the experience and/or memory you may garner from it (either good or bad) would be worth the effort.

But I don't think you can train yourself to stop missing people. I still miss certain people I no longer see for one reason or another. You just have to live through the worst of it and continue filling your days with other stuff.
And realize that whatever you get from an encounter - that's what you got- and then learn how to live with it.
curtis73
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Mar, 2009 01:25 am
@aidan,
Quote:
Quote:
I crave deep plutonic friendships with women as well as sexual ones.

This could be dangerous.


Wait, wait, wait... how can having a deep plutonic relationship with a female be dangerous? Why would it be any more dangerous than a deep plutonic relationship with a male?

aidan
 
  2  
Reply Sat 7 Mar, 2009 02:54 am
@curtis73,
Adding a plutonic element to any relationship- male/female, male/male, female/female- would surely result in toxicity and contamination. Laughing Laughing


I think you meant platonic. I figured it was a typo - so I made a joke- you know plutonic - plutonium...radiation sickness....

Anyway - yes, deep platonic friendships with the opposite sex are the BOMB! (another even lamer joke).
My life would be NOTHING without my deep platonic friendships with members of the opposite sex.
It's just so much more interesting to talk to someone who sees things from the opposite side of the gender divide and a different angle than you do.

We talk about different things in a different way - AND- none of my women friends like to play backgammon. Only my male friends. Isn't that weird?
The only woman friend I have who will play backgammon with me and enjoy it, is my best female friend - and truth be told- she has a lot of male-like personality characteristics.

But to the original poster - if you like this guy - let him do the playing on someone else - watch, scold, advise, but don't put yourself in harms way - but just be his friend. That way you can still have the benefit of all the things you like about him without having to eventually hate him because he treated you like ****.
That's what I'd do.
curtis73
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Mar, 2009 03:37 pm
@aidan,
Oh yeah... Plato, not Pluto. Philosopher versus Mythic character.

I'm a dork Smile
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Sat 7 Mar, 2009 03:45 pm
@curtis73,
Very Happy
0 Replies
 
 

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