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After the Oscars

 
 
dadpad
 
Reply Thu 26 Feb, 2009 02:06 pm
Yes, it's that magical time of year following on from the Oscars that were announced earlier in the week. This is the time when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again.

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
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DrewDad
 
  2  
Reply Thu 26 Feb, 2009 02:13 pm
@dadpad,
http://www.nypost.com/seven/02252009/news/regionalnews/brooklyn/arrest_me__you_idiots__156794.htm

Quote:
A dimwitted thief shouted from his apartment window that he knocked off a Bushwick bodega while calling cops "idiots" for grabbing the wrong guy, authorities said yesterday.

Raymond Gramby, 37, allegedly yelled, "It was me you idiots, you have the wrong guy!" as police led an innocent man to the deli on Bushwick Avenue where the theft occurred at 1:45 a.m. Monday.

Gramby had earlier swiped two bottles of Olde English malt liquor and tried to walk out of the store, but was stopped by the owner, sources said.

He pulled a knife and fled. Gramby was followed by cops all the way to his nearby seventh-floor apartment, but when a different man answered the door, officers accidentally grabbed him instead.

As he was led him down the street, Gramby opened his window and began his rant. He was arrested and charged with robbery, weapon possession and menacing.
0 Replies
 
rosborne979
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Feb, 2009 04:13 pm
@dadpad,
dadpad wrote:
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

Yes, Understandably.
joefromchicago
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Feb, 2009 05:08 pm
@rosborne979,
rosborne979 wrote:

dadpad wrote:
3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

Yes, Understandably.

Totally. The woman who took the guy's space evidently was not familiar with the Chicago code of Dibs.
0 Replies
 
fbaezer
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Feb, 2009 05:33 pm
@dadpad,
dadpad wrote:

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5am, flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]



Please tell me it wasn't Chjsa!
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 Feb, 2009 05:35 pm
@fbaezer,
I think cjhsa has a flash suppressor on his weapons.
0 Replies
 
 

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