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correction of errors in text

 
 
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2009 10:30 am
Hi fellow believers

Please let me know whether the words in bold are correctly used? Is a comma needed after 'time'? Are there any other errors?

Many thanks.

This time, we have published the memorial photograph collection of our High Priest’s visit as a memento of the ceremony for the first anniversary of the establishment of the Kaimyo-in and the inauguration of the Hokkeko Kaimyo-in Chapter. I shall be very pleased if this book enables you to recall your sense of gratitude to our former High Priest Nikken Shonin and our current High Priest Nichinyo Shonin, and inspires you to maintain your joy and determination that you made during the Ceremony and Kick-off Meeting.

(Note: Kaimyo-in is the temple. Hokkeko is the title given to the believers.)



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George
 
  1  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2009 02:39 pm
@Yoong Liat,
The comma after "time" is not necessary, but can be left in.
The use of "shall" is correct, but sounds formal. If that is the intent, then leave it.
"Enables" and "inspires" are used correctly.
Yoong Liat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2009 05:06 am
@George,
Quote:
The use of "shall" is correct, but sounds formal. If that is the intent, then leave it.
Quote:


Can I use 'would' instead?

Many thanks.
George
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2009 09:44 am
@Yoong Liat,
If you use "would", then according to common usage, you should use "enabled".
So:
I would be pleased if [it] enabled . . .
But this changes the meaning slightly.

. . . will . . . if . . . enables
is a simple condition

. . . would . . . if . . . enabled
implies some doubt as to the outcome.
Yoong Liat
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2009 12:02 pm
@George,
Thanks, George.
0 Replies
 
 

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