How do you fall back in love with someone?

If you accept it as a given that both your and your ex-boyfriend are changing all the time, there might possibly come again a time when you are once again attracted to him.

Please strike the first "again"! Thank you.

He's not my ex-boyfriend, hes my BOYFRIEND, and I am still attracted to him

I don't think you can force love. At your young age (I saw on another post you're 17) you should look forward to falling in love a few times. It's how you grow and mature so when you are ready to settle down you will have the experience to make a successful relationship. People now live so long that it's very difficult to have a life long love affair. We change as we age. We morph and grow into different people who want different things. I was madly in love with someone at your age, but very glad I did not stay with him. By the time we were in our 20's we both wanted very different things and would have made each other miserable. We are still in touch, and good friends, but neither would want the other one's life. Also, if you settle young I promise you will wonder what you missed - as will your man. You don't seem unhappy in the relationship, but I think you are restless. Nothing wrong with exploring your options. You can stick around and see what happens, but don't close yourself off the strong possibility that there are other men out there and they might be a better match for you in the long run.

In the meantime, work on becoming a independent woman who thrives with or without a man. You have not lived long enough to have accomplished that. I am not being critical of you, I am just stating the reality of youth and with it
- lack of experience.

You may continue to "love" him, but don't always "like" him.

That's OK.

Love is a decision.

I have always disliked the phrase "fall in love" because of the implication that there is something accidental and inevitable about the process. No. We are advanced mammals with large brains. We have the ability to choose our mates.

That wild-crazy feeling is a chemical reaction which we evolved to make sure we keep reproducing the species is one thing. But, these are pretty primitive emotions from parts of the brain that we still share with reptiles.

Love, meaning a deep, intimate and long-lasting relationship is much more than this. It means you decide that it is worth it, and then work at it with a commitment.

If two people decide that they want to share this type of long-term emotional bond, and are willing to put in the work and commitment to make the relationship work, they will be in love.

Falling has nothing to do with the process.

You are seventeen and you were infatuated.

Infatuation is not love.

In love is not love.

What is it you want, to love this fellow for the next fifty, or sixty years?

Please, get a grip.

Yikes, that sounds grim.

I know what you mean but I don't think that's as general as you make it sound. There is a spectrum of people with whom any given person can "fall in love" with, or choose as a mate -- I agree that people can over-romanticize the chemical madness phase and flit from one partner to the other, thinking only that phase is "true love."

At the same time, I don't believe that we can just decide to love anyone. Chemicals do have a place. If they aren't there at all, they aren't there, and forcing it won't help anyone.

Love begins as an emotion and then develops into a choice. It doesn't mean we can't feel the spark still or get excited to come home to a certain person. It just means that we don't always feel that way. Can you imagine having to keep that up for 50 or 60 years? How exhausting!

Love is rubbing the back of your spouse when they are puking their guts out from chemo. It's tying the shoes of your parents when they can't do it any more. It's accepting the best and the worst in a person, even if you don't like the choices they make.

You might not feel all giddy anymore but if you do in fact love him still, you wouldn't be worried about it ending.