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Fri 30 Jan, 2009 08:12 pm
Well to be very honest i dont know how to explain this. Last year i met a guy, we got on really well, he had the looks and the personality, i thought wow this is the guy i've been waiting for, the guy i could have a serious relationship with. On the very same night we had our first kiss, he wanted to go alot further, i thought it was a bit strange that he wanted to go that far when we wasnt even in a relationship yet. He was too good to be true. That night i had a bit too much to drink and eventually when we went for a walk he asked me out properly, i said yes, but the very next day his status was "seeing someone" rather than a relationship. He was already calling the shots and taking control of things. He was really keen to go alot further with me but i still wasnt too sure what to do because i've had alot of bad experiences in the past with guys. We met up every chance we could and i dont think i've fallen so deep before. The conversations were just so amazing and we was so close. Eventually we drifted apart a bit and it ended for many reasons, the distance was an issue, he wasnt willing to put in the effort of a 40 minute journey to come and see me (i was always the one putting in the effort to come see him), i thought he liked another girl because over the past couple of days they had been constantly talking to each other, i was constantly stressed out because it was always him calling the shots but at the same time i didnt want to let things go because all i kept thinking of was the memories at the start, i kept on worrying about the conversations this girl and him had, i felt trapped and hurt. Things ended and we stopped talking for a while, he liked that girl i thought he liked at this point but he said shes too much work, so he eventually went off her, but at the same time told me he liked me again. Just before Christmas we met up, all we did was kept kissing but he was up for some sexual fun, i still wasnt too sure no matter how much i thought i was in love with him. After i saw him he was still undecided if we should get back together again, i was brave and strong enough to tell him that if he was undecided then we shouldnt be together again, even though i wanted to be with him more than anything. Its strange how he was a completely different person at the start, i miss that person more than i can begin to imagine and there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about him, think about the memories and the conversations, the closeness i had with him, he was the first guy that said he liked me for me, the first guy to say "holding you is just enough", all the cute silly texts, i just cant forget about them. His cheeky smile always made my knees go weak. I've tried getting to know other guys but its just not the same, i've tried going clubbing and pulling other guys, i've tried drowning my sorrows at parties with girlfriends. I want to contact him again but i have to stop myself. It's as if he's still calling the shots, he chooses when we talk. What can i do to make things easier for myself? Please help me, im so stressed out and i dont know how to get over this guy.
@Kaatie,
Just a pointer, Kaatie - it's really annoying to read sucha long post in one paragraph. Consequently, you lost me half-way through.
I didn't read hardly any of that. But remember...the best way to get over somebody is to get under somebody else.
@Kaatie,
Not interested in reading a thousand words in a row, no matter what the problem. You met a guy and you are stressed.
Please put this into paragraphs. Since you seem literate, I bet you can do that.
Oh, and also remember...the best offense is a good defense.
Hey Katie. The guy may seem like a dream but, trust me, he ain't worth it. You're chasing a dream. Let him go. He's really a jerk, a scumbag.
@Kaatie,
Kaatie wrote:
Well to be very honest i dont know how to explain this.
Last year i met a guy, we got on really well, he had the looks and the personality, i thought wow this is the guy i've been waiting for, the guy i could have a serious relationship with.
On the very same night we had our first kiss, he wanted to go alot further, i thought it was a bit strange that he wanted to go that far when we wasnt even in a relationship yet. He was too good to be true. That night i had a bit too much to drink and eventually when we went for a walk he asked me out properly, i said yes, but the very next day his status was "seeing someone" rather than a relationship.
He was already calling the shots and taking control of things. He was really keen to go alot further with me but i still wasnt too sure what to do because i've had alot of bad experiences in the past with guys. We met up every chance we could and i dont think i've fallen so deep before. The conversations were just so amazing and we was so close.
Eventually we drifted apart a bit and it ended for many reasons, the distance was an issue, he wasnt willing to put in the effort of a 40 minute journey to come and see me (i was always the one putting in the effort to come see him), i thought he liked another girl because over the past couple of days they had been constantly talking to each other, i was constantly stressed out because it was always him calling the shots but at the same time i didnt want to let things go because all i kept thinking of was the memories at the start, i kept on worrying about the conversations this girl and him had, i felt trapped and hurt.
Things ended and we stopped talking for a while, he liked that girl i thought he liked at this point but he said shes too much work, so he eventually went off her, but at the same time told me he liked me again. Just before Christmas we met up, all we did was kept kissing but he was up for some sexual fun, i still wasnt too sure no matter how much i thought i was in love with him.
After i saw him he was still undecided if we should get back together again, i was brave and strong enough to tell him that if he was undecided then we shouldnt be together again, even though i wanted to be with him more than anything.
Its strange how he was a completely different person at the start, i miss that person more than i can begin to imagine and there isnt a day that goes by that i dont think about him, think about the memories and the conversations, the closeness i had with him, he was the first guy that said he liked me for me, the first guy to say "holding you is just enough", all the cute silly texts, i just cant forget about them. His cheeky smile always made my knees go weak.
I've tried getting to know other guys but its just not the same, i've tried going clubbing and pulling other guys, i've tried drowning my sorrows at parties with girlfriends.
I want to contact him again but i have to stop myself. It's as if he's still calling the shots, he chooses when we talk. What can i do to make things easier for myself? Please help me, im so stressed out and i dont know how to get over this guy.
Here's how.
Remember that what you are/were in love with is the image this guy was putting forth when you first met. But he turned out to be something of a player.
You don't need this kind of agita in your life.
Let go by doing other things. Think about other stuff. Go out with your friends, but not for the express purpose of meeting a guy. Just, go out and have a good time with your friends!
Work out. Volunteer. Take a class. Bake a pie. Paint a picture. Knit a sweater. Decorate a room. Clean out your closets. Etc. etc. etc. The bottom line is: keep yourself busy and time will pass. And one day, you're not going to give a damn about this guy any more, as you will realize that, I'm sorry to say, he doesn't give a damn about you.
And then go out and get someone else, if you like. Or not. But you'll be over him.
I agree - go out with someone else, don't just sit at home pining away!
You sound like a nice girl, I'm sure you'll do fine. Just remember that every single relationship that you engage in, up until you get married, is going to end; it's not a big deal, just practice.
Cycloptichorn
@Cycloptichorn,
wait a minute, you're supposed to stop dating and having sex with other people once you get married?
that doesn't seem right
You really have to sit down and figure out HOW you fell SO hard for this guy, so fast. What buttons is he pushing for you?
Charming? Mysterious?
I'd say he's manipulating and unavailable.
You need to get a reality check on this relationship. You don't have one with him, dear!
@Kaatie,
Let go by doing other things, go out with your friends and have fun with them, it will help you to move on
@Kaatie,
it is better for you to get over with it and move on.. you will only hurt yourself if it continues..
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