21
   

Some Woman Does Not Love Her Daughter And She Let The WORLD Know About It

 
 
djjd62
 
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:28 am
this story was originally in the Daily Mail Newspaper

http://dlisted.com/files/article-1126422-0322D459000.jpg
33-year-old Shelley Price of England told the Daily Mail to tell them that she doesn't love 11-year-old daughter Catherine and she never has.

"I know what people will think. Everyone will hate me. I'm the woman who doesn't like her own child. But I'm speaking out because I'm convinced I'm not alone. I hate myself for the way I feel, but whatever it is that makes a mum want to hug and kiss her child, I have not felt it. Catherine has always felt like someone else's daughter. When the midwives put Catherine into my arms, I felt nothing at all. She didn't feel like my own flesh and blood. She felt dirty."

At first, Shelley thought she just wasn't the motherly-type, this didn't stop her from giving birth to another daughter with a different man two years ago. Shelley loves the new one, but still doesn't feel anything for Catherine. "I'm a loving person. It was a relief to feel emotional about Poppy (her second daughter) from the moment she was born."

it appears that the Daily Mail have removed the story from their site, possibly due to overwhelming negative feedback

my first thoughts, get a paternity test, make sure it's your baby, my second thought, she hates the father and has transfered that to the daughter


 
aidan
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:32 am
@djjd62,
And the poor little girl stands cooperatively as exhibit A - the unlovable child.

How incredibly sad for that little girl.
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:35 am
http://dlisted.com/files/article-1126422-0322D459000.jpg

What is particularly disturbing is how they have branded that poor child with that glaring letter X. Is that the scarlet letter of the unloved child? How tacky. How very, very tacky.
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:36 am
@aidan,
it is sad, and it's not like she seems to want to change her feelings

i wish the original article had bot been removed, but i can understand why they would have done so

as an aside
the site i found the story on, commented the little girl looks like one of the kids from the village of the damned, and warned the mother to start sleeping with both eyes open
0 Replies
 
The Pentacle Queen
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:38 am
@djjd62,
Why did she go to the daily mail and not a councillor?
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:39 am
@The Pentacle Queen,
who knows, there's obviously some serious disconnect somewhere
0 Replies
 
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:39 am
@gustavratzenhofer,
oh god- now I have to feel guilty because I laughed

but honestly I feel like ripping that lady's hands off that girls shoulders and saying 'Get the hell away from her - out of her life - you sad excuse for a person - let alone a mother.'

(I was also wondering why they were wearing coordinating colors - I guess the bitch is good at pretending).
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:43 am
@aidan,
it's funny, a lot of the comments were i found the picture suggested that paternity might be an issue, mix up at the hospital, but one girl who works at a photo processing plant made a very poignant remark,

"Even if the girl isn't her biological child, there is no reason for her to think an infant is dirty.

I've loved my best friend's children, my neighbor's children, and now that my day job is in a photo lab, I love some of my customer's children. Maybe I love too easily but I'd rather be the way I am than to not love my child at all like this ignorant woman.

Tianna"
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 11:51 am
@djjd62,
yeah - I can't fathom it.
I think this is emotional abuse of the worst kind - and will be damaging beyond belief to this child. She shouldn't have to live in that home with that woman- especially as she gets to watch her half-sister be loved and cherished.

someone needs to step in - NOW - jesus, I feel like I wish there was something I could do for that girl. It's feels as bad as if I knew she was starving or cold and couldn't give her any food or a blanket.
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 01:14 pm
She felt a need to speak out because she's not the only one to feel that way? So what? What point has she made? How has this information benefitted anyone, either herself or her firstborn daughter? I'm certain she hasn't been accepted anywhere with opened arms behind revealing this.

I have an acquaintance who told me the sad tale about getting married and having a child solely for her husband. Although she loved her daughter, she'd never wanted children and when she and her husband split, she felt stuck with the little girl. This is the type of woman who always has a boyfriend. Always. Or a husband. She couldn't breathe I don't think if she didn't have a boyfriend or a husband (she's been married twice since) and I've always felt that her daughter did not factor in her ongoing quest for a man. A few months ago, a mutual friend ran into her, with a new boyfriend, but minus a daughter. She'd finally convinced the child's father to take her. I'm still stunned behind it, still can't believe that she actually sent her daughter away but everyone's not wired the same and there are women, most undoubtedly, who do not want the children that they give birth to. It's almost unimaginable but I'm sure it happens more often than we'd like to think.

Stupid bitches.
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 01:26 pm
@eoe,
I have a friend (about ten years older than I am) who I used to babysit for when I was in college.
She seemed to me like the perfect earth mother - three beautiful kids she stayed home with until she went to law school and began traveling to various countries as a representative of Mothers for Disarmament (a group of women who were protesting the proliferation of nuclear arms to help insure the safety of the world's children).
Anyway - I graduated- moved away and didn't hear from her for a long time. The next time I did - she was living in New Mexico and practicing law and she'd left her three children with their dad in North Carolina. You could have knocked me over with a feather - I was shocked - but on talking to her - it had nothing at all to do with not loving them. It had everything to do with loving them so much that she had to admit to herself that they were better off with their dad, as she was totally committed to and immersed in her work and wasn't being the sort of mother she wanted to be or thought they needed.
She made a choice- not one most people would make - but there it is.

This mom is saying - 'I don't love her and it's not because I can't love a child - because I know I can. I love another child- so it's not my problem.'
By default, it's the little girl's problem. I do wish we'd been able to read the whole article. Maybe there's more of an explanation.
But to say that a baby feels 'dirty' to her and to dehumanize this little girl to that extent and show no consideration for her feelings is just abusive.
Not that it doesn't happen all the time that a mother doesn't love her kids - I've had kids say to me ' If my own mother doesn't love me - who ever will?'
so that's not that rare of an occurrence.

But to label this kid and brand her this way for everyone to see- how's she gonna feel when she has to go to school with everyone knowing her mom has felt from the very, very beginning that she's 'dirty'.
She probably feels worthless and dirty.
Sad.
0 Replies
 
NickFun
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 01:52 pm
Maybe the kid's a future Hitler! Maybe the lady had a prophecy that this child would destroy the world and create untold havoc and destruction! It's hard to love a child like that!

Just offering an opposing viewpoint. Sorry.
Sglass
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 03:34 pm
@NickFun,
Rosemary's Baby?

Karma Nick, they chose each other. They are working out Karma.

0 Replies
 
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 04:11 pm
Why doesn't she give her up? Give the poor kid a chance at a happy, normal life?

What a horrible person.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 04:41 pm
@eoe,
eoe wrote:

She felt a need to speak out because she's not the only one to feel that way? So what? What point has she made? How has this information benefitted anyone, either herself or her firstborn daughter? I'm certain she hasn't been accepted anywhere with opened arms behind revealing this.

I have an acquaintance who told me the sad tale about getting married and having a child solely for her husband. Although she loved her daughter, she'd never wanted children and when she and her husband split, she felt stuck with the little girl. This is the type of woman who always has a boyfriend. Always. Or a husband. She couldn't breathe I don't think if she didn't have a boyfriend or a husband (she's been married twice since) and I've always felt that her daughter did not factor in her ongoing quest for a man. A few months ago, a mutual friend ran into her, with a new boyfriend, but minus a daughter. She'd finally convinced the child's father to take her. I'm still stunned behind it, still can't believe that she actually sent her daughter away but everyone's not wired the same and there are women, most undoubtedly, who do not want the children that they give birth to. It's almost unimaginable but I'm sure it happens more often than we'd like to think.

Stupid bitches.



I agreed with you all the way up to your last sentence eoe. Then, I was surprised you said that.

Take me as exhibit A.

I've never wanted a child. I would never subject a child to having me as a mother.

I don't have a maternal instinct, and never wanted one. I don't dislike children in general. I like some in particular, but I wouldn't want them to be mine.

Yes, definately yes it happens MUCH more often than you'd like to think, but that's because to you and many others it is "almost unimaginable"

Perhaps more people don't come out with this truth is because we know we will be called stupid bitches and horrible people.

I don't know why this woman put this story in the paper. I don't think it was right, and that her daughter is hurt by this. I would never advocate this. I'm not going to even begin to guess what she thought she might gain from this.

This particular article aside, I really don't understand this viseral reaction people have about someone saying "I don't like/love my child" I mean, you can't force yourself to like/love someone whether you're related or not.

I have no doubt at all there's some genetic component to falling madly in love with your child, but we don't all have the same genes/background/desires for life.

That doesn't make someone a stupid bitch or horrible. It make's them different from you.

I thought I was pregnant while back in college. My main decision making process during that brief time was how I could arrange my time so that I wouldn't have to go home while I appeared pregnant, and until after I gave the child up for adoption.

I wouldn't have had a regret in the world if I gave a child up for adoption.

Why are people so wonderful when they adopt a baby, but so horrible when they know they don't want the kid, and give it up, especially when getting pregnant wasn't in the plans.

Why aren't they both as equally noble?

I wonder how often an adoptive parent thinks how thoughtful, realistic, and yes, how good the birth mother was for being brave enough to face the world and say "I don't want this child"....not all birth mothers are crack heads you know.

Back to this woman, no, I don't like that she put it in the paper. But, she has every right to her feelings, which are just as valid as anyone elses.

aidan
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 04:54 pm
@chai2,
But you're not exhibit A because you have nothing in common with this woman. You didn't want a child and you didn't have one. You made the right decision for yourself.

I'm not naive enough to think that many, many women don't like or love their children. But how many use these kids as a tool to illustrate to millions of other people the fact that this can happen? It's humiliating for that child. It will affect the way she looks at herself and people look at her for the rest of her life.
At the very least they'll look at her with pity. And worse than that - they may wonder -'What's wrong with her? There must be something wrong with her if her mom doesn't love or even like her?'

I think this mother was trying to find some sort of reassurance for herself - as in, 'I'm not the only one who doesn't like my child - there have to be others.'
How she went about reassuring herself that she's not alone is incredibly selfish and thoughtless toward her daughter however.

No child deserves to be told that and to have the world told that about him or her. This kid is ten years old- she deserves to have a chance to feel worthy of being loved. Her mother is supposed to provide that for her. If she can't - ******* keep it to herself or let someone else do it - don't make the poor girl the subject of headlines in a newspaper- 'This kid is unlovable.'

That's absolute sickness and has nothing at all to do with people who decide they don't want kids and either don't have them or place them for adoption.
Those are different issues entirely- and actually represent mature and responsible decison making.
aidan
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 05:03 pm
@aidan,


And I wanted to add that those decisions (either to not have a child who's not wanted and won't be loved or place that child for adoption) also represent kindness instead of out and out abject cruelty - which is what this woman is indulging in.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 05:59 pm
@aidan,
I already said I did not like what this woman had done, and don't think she should have done it.

I thought that pretty well covered it.

Then, I moved on to discussion of other women who gave up or something similar w/ their child.

Would my points have been more valid if I had indeed been pregnant those many years ago?


I thought of something a few minutes ago...

I wonder how many women who have decided and do give up their baby for adoption tell others the baby died, just to avoid this "what kind of woman would give up their child?"

I mean, everyone you know is going to see you pregnant, and no matter what others say, a lot of them are going to be disapproving of your giving your kid up. As if it's any of their business. But people will make it their business. For many women they might as well be branded with H for heartless, for the way they'll be treated.

Better to just to say the baby died, and soon everyone moves on with their lives.

That's the problem with being pregnant if you don't want a child...everyone can clearly see the pregnancy, and then the lack of child.
aidan
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 06:08 pm
@chai2,
Chai:
Quote:
I mean, everyone you know is going to see you pregnant, and no matter what others say, a lot of them are going to be disapproving of your giving your kid up. As if it's any of their business. But people will make it their business. For many women they might as well be branded with H for heartless, for the way they'll be treated.


I'm not being judgmental at all when I say that you must move in different circles than I if you've ever heard anyone say something like that about a woman who places her child for adoption. I've never heard it. And I worked as a birthmother counselor and adopted a child myself.

I never have had anyone ask me - how could those girls give up their babies- except to express that it must be a really difficult decision to make, heartbreaking in fact, and they give them credit for having the guts and strength it must take to do the right thing for their child.

I think most people understand that if a woman goes all the way through a pregnancy which ends in her placing the child for adoption - she hasn't chosen the easy way out, and she certainly isn't heartless. Most people understand she's not placing the child because she doesn't want him or her - she's placing the child because she's in a situation where she can't take care of a baby. If anything, they think she's selfless - not selfish.
If she just didn't want the kid - it'd be a whole lot easier and faster to have an abortion- not that I'm saying that that's ever an easy decision to make either.
chai2
 
  3  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 06:31 pm
@aidan,
not everyone wants to get an abortion.

apparantly you've never lived in a place like okeechobee fla or some other shitbag place where what everyone did was fodder for the gossip mill.

if people just naturally understood, there would never had been a need for places that "nice" people sent their daughters to, to give birth and come back in time for their senior prom.

I think it's naive to think you won't be talked about by someone.

2 women here, who I have an great amount of respect for (seriously) have used the words stupid bitches and horrible women about people who don't love their children (yes, i know bella you advocated these horrible women should give up the kid for adoption, but I felt there was a judgement being made about people who would dare not love their babies, if I'm wrong, sorry).
Think what bitches and bad people they would be to a lot of people for doing the unspeakable.

What goes on in counseling rooms is one thing. The people who would think badly are not in those rooms. Plus, what people say, and how they feel are 2 different things.

Doesn't have a thing to do with whatever circle I'm in. I actually have never known anyone (that I know of) that given up their children, or said they didn't love them. But I do watch how people behave.
0 Replies
 
 

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