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Some Woman Does Not Love Her Daughter And She Let The WORLD Know About It

 
 
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 06:58 pm
Huh.

I don't think adooption has anything to do with this story.

But sure, people talk, even in big cities like mine. Mo's mOther caught the kinds of **** when we adopted Mo. But none of those people were willing to step up to the plate and help her in any way. Her standard reply was "this is not about me."

Just last weekend Mo and I met a birth mother. We were floating in the hotel pool when he started yakking at this young couple in there swimming. "Friday was my birthday blahblahblah, I was adopted blahblahblah." I cautioned Mo that he was giving away a lot of personal information when the girl said "Oh! I'm a birthmom. This is really interesting for me. I'd like to talk to him if it's okay with you."

I gave my okay but listened close....

They had a pretty cool conversation. This girl had no regrets about her decision. She told Mo that she hoped her son was having as happy a life as Mo was.

By the way -- I never wanted kids either. Mo sometimes asks why we didn't have kids before him. We tell him the truth -- we didn't want any kids ..... until we met him.

Anyway.......

This woman in the article is a stupid bitch. She put her feeling of potential embarrassment ahead of her kid, then she embarrassed the crap out of her kid for no understandable purpose. She's an idiot. She doesn't deserve that kid.

Sure there are a lot of people who don't love their kids. They don't choose to parade it in the paper though. The newspaper that ran this story and photo deserves a LOT of criticism for having published it.

I'm rambling......
djjd62
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 07:03 pm
@boomerang,
i can only assume they got a lot criticism and that's why they pulled the story from there web site

however the print copies are out there, and a lot of people will have seen this here and on other blogs
0 Replies
 
Butrflynet
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 07:11 pm
It is kind of sad that the girl's name and photo are floating all around the internet. It will follow her for the rest of her life and the mean-spirited kids in her school will surely exploit it in their teasing and name calling.

Is there a difference between her mother telling the world about it and all the various news agencies and bloggers doing the same?
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 07:42 pm
@chai2,
I call a woman a stupid bitch if she bears a child for her husband or someone else, knowing full well that she doesn't want it.

I call a woman a stupid bitch who puts such a story like this in the paper, obviously with no regard for the poor child still.

A woman who is wise enough to realize that she doesn't want children, and doesn't have any"and I know several"are not stupid bitches. They are responsible women who realize their truth.

Yes, this woman has every right to her feelings. But was she right to advertise them, at the expense of her child? I don't think so. Hence, a stupid, selfish bitch times two.
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 07:45 pm
@boomerang,
boomerang wrote:

Sure there are a lot of people who don't love their kids. They don't choose to parade it in the paper though. The newspaper that ran this story and photo deserves a LOT of criticism for having published it.


You've got THAT right.
0 Replies
 
dlowan
 
  5  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 08:03 pm
@djjd62,
Actually, this is not so very uncommon, (eg I deal with it quite a lot) and can stem from a variety of things...and being able to name the feeling is a bloody good first step in being able to change things.

There is no shame in feeling this, and no blame should be attached.

Naming it, with the mother and child identified in a mass media publication, is child abuse, in my view.

The mother may be unable to comprehend the magnitude of her act, and I hope the little girl's situation will be looked at....the paper ought to have some sense of ethical behaviour, and I hope action will be taken against it.



George
 
  3  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 08:41 pm
@dlowan,
Quote:
Naming it, with the mother and child identified in a mass media publication, is child abuse, in my view.

Damn straight.
Lots of ways to deal with it.
This isn't one of them.
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 08:59 pm
dlowan said it before I did..

I have a few friends who either out right just dont like the person their child has become, or have always felt a detachment.

Im sorry. I see nothing wrong with that. And I would not throw a stone at this woman for it either... except that in her own selfishness and her own personal desire to ' be heard' she has robbed her daughter of privacy, dignity and respect. Adults , whether or not they want to be parents , should NEVER do that to a child.
0 Replies
 
Xenoche
 
  2  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 09:57 pm
What gains the mother could possibly have seen in humiliating her daughter is vexing. Sure, she isn't alone in her feelings, but why did she feel that anyone would give two shits about her inability to love her daughter? whoop-de-do, whats the un-planned/wanted birth stats? Those feelings are bound to be rampant.
dlowan
 
  4  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 10:05 pm
@Xenoche,
Actually, planned and wanted babies can also end up with their mothers not bonded with them.

It looks to me as though this might be a misguided attempt to open up the subject of parents who have been unable to love their children.

Opening up the subject for discussion seems to me to have the potential to do a lot of good, as, when the thing is denied or people feel too much shame to admit it, it is not possible to attempt to deal with it.

The MANNER of this attempt (IF that is what it was) is the problem.

If the mother is truly detached from the child,and not generally emotionally literate, she may genuinely have been unable to understand the horror of what she has done.
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 10:15 pm
@dlowan,
Not if she has a heart or any sense of compassion, from one human being to another. Since she claims to love her second child, we're to assume that she is a caring and empathetic person. Supposedly.
dlowan
 
  3  
Reply Fri 23 Jan, 2009 10:24 pm
@eoe,
Yeah...that's why I spoke about emotional literacy.

Sometimes there's something about the weird projection stuff that happens when a child is not bonded with that it seems to shut down the whole ability for the parent to have rational thoughts about that child's feelings...even if the same parent IS able to bond with another child, and treat them reasonably.

Somebody who is generally emotionally literate is often able to use that knowledge to respond reasonably with and about the child with whom they have problems.
0 Replies
 
BillRM
 
  2  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 04:14 am
@djjd62,
One issue that had not been address is that the Daily Mail seem to be a full partner in this woman act of child abuse.

Here she is shown as a poster child for being an unlove child and god alone will know what her class mates and othere children will do to her.
0 Replies
 
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 08:46 am
eoe and dlowan, I definately see what both of you are saying.

dlowan, yes, there's some kind of disconnect where the one child doesn't even weigh in as a consideration.

I see this with people all the time, just not directed at their children. People can be loving, rational, kind in almost all areas of their lives, but have this blind spot toward one particular area.

Again, I can put myself into some of these catagories, I think we all have a blind spot somewhere, so I'm not trying to single anyone out, this is just an observation.....

There's an a2ker that seems like a totally decent person, family man, loving, hard working, intelligent....I mean all really great great things. Except, when a particular subject comes up. Then I've seen this poster make the most foul and irrational comments. When it's addressed to him, it's like nothing as been said. There's just some disconnect.

I have this disconnect I guess, to people who talk talk talk about a problem, but never take the first step, literally after talking about it for years.

I'll be honest, I'm trying to think of how this woman perhaps thinks that she can get some financial gain out of all this. My skeptical mind has played with the idea that perhaps it not true she doesn't love her daughter, but is considering the attention she's getting, and somehow bank rolling this. Maybe the child is aware of this. I keep looking at the dtrs face. She's letting her mom touch her, she allowed herself to be photographed with this story....

I don't know, maybe it's a long shot, but perhaps something to consider. I wouldn't automatically shoot it down, stranger things have happened. I guess there's not too many things I can't imagine.
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 09:11 am
One thing that jumped out at me from the original story is that this woman is 33 years old with an 11 year old daughter and a 2 year old child. She was 22 when she had her first child (very possibly an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy) and 31 when she gave birth to a child she could love.

I agree with everyone about the damage she has/is doing to her older daughter by bringing this to the media. She hates herself and is looking to find others who similarly hate themselves so they can all hate themselves a little less.

Why she didn't have an abortion or give the child up for adoption is anyone's guess but it's stories like this that make me a strong advocate for planned pregnancies.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 09:15 am
@dlowan,
dlowan wrote:

Actually, planned and wanted babies can also end up with their mothers not bonded with them.


And, my previous post should have made this point as well. I think the age/maturity level of the mother is a factor in this case.
0 Replies
 
eoe
 
  1  
Reply Sat 24 Jan, 2009 10:23 am
@chai2,
I went in that direction as well, chai. Skeptics think alike. Is she looking for a way to profit from this? Is her daughter in on it too?
0 Replies
 
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2009 09:22 am
@eoe,
eoe wrote:

I call a woman a stupid bitch if she bears a child for her husband or someone else, knowing full well that she doesn't want it.

Have you seen Revolutionary Road?

Sure, that was in the 50s, and lots has changed in society since .. but America's a big country, and some people live in relationships or even communities where it's still like that.

Oh, the woman of the article, yeah - her behaviour is utterly despicable. And the Daily Mail, that evil rag, was predictably despicable to publish this story as well. (They have no scruples, but we knew that.) All of that is self-evident. It's this remark of yours that I think is not at all that clear-cut.
0 Replies
 
nimh
 
  2  
Reply Sat 31 Jan, 2009 09:32 am
@dlowan,
dlowan wrote:
It looks to me as though this might be a misguided attempt to open up the subject of parents who have been unable to love their children.

Nah, it's the Mail, a populist, hateful tabloid rag. They're the ones who also specialize in sensationalist stories about how asylum-seekers are out to [fill in whatever evil thing you can think of]. The only subject they're interested in is making money (and when it comes to politics, maybe bashing lefties). They don't care. Period.

And yet it's, I think, the second best-selling newspaper of the country... after The Sun with its page 3 girls. It's kind of sad if you think about it.

What BillRM said - the woman, the mother, is either insanely heartless or, more likely, emotionally dysfunctional like Dlowan and Chai said, someone who's just incapable of feeling when it comes to this particular thing in her life, incapable of realising the enormity of what she did. But what of the Mail? What self-respecting editor would publish this story, knowing what it would do to the child? It transgresses all ethical standards.
0 Replies
 
pmsoutherland
 
  1  
Reply Tue 4 Aug, 2009 10:41 am
@chai2,
You are right, not all people want kids and that is perfectly understandable. What is not is keeping the child that you don't want and have another that you do want. That little girl is going to have to overcome some hugh obsticles in life to undo what her mother has done to her. Not only that what kind of relationship is she going to have with her sister?

Women who give up their children for adoption for the right reasons are noble and are the unsung heros of this world. However, that is not the issue here, the issue is that this woman is being allowed to treat this child this way and that is totally unexceptible. Like you said, there are millions of families out there this minute that would love that little girl more than them selves and this selfish miserable woman is robbing her of that love because she doesn't what people to look at her differently? How does she think that people look at her now???????
0 Replies
 
 

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