Me and my wife have been together for 8 years and married two years. The other day she told me that she cheated on me about 3 years ago with one of my friends , when I was away working. She said she was drunk and he took advanage of her. .Since she told me this I have felt empty inside, I would have never thought she would have done this to me. I have ever been with any other and have ever wanted to be , and this news breaks my heart. I don't know what to believe , I wonder if it was something she wanted or not. I can't imaging being without her. I feel like i'm going crazy I can't stop thinking about it. If it was something she wanted I can't see how she can love me like she says. I don't think leaving her would help , because I would be very sad without her in my life , but on the other hand I feel like a dummy for staying. What do I do? thks
I think it took a lot of guts for your wife to tell you about what happened 3 years ago, so obviously she loves you and wouldn't have bothered telling you about it if she wasn't guilt ridden. I can imagine how hurt and confused that you're feeling, but since you love her so much, I think in time you'll recover from the blow of what she told you. The question is, can you forgive her? You're not a dummy if you stay, so get that out of your head. Everyone makes mistakes, but you're the only one who knows if you can live with it or not.
Good luck to you
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Equus
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Thu 25 Sep, 2003 01:15 pm
Was she a virgin when she married you? If not, do you obsess about her previous partners? Most people would forgive/ignore a spouse's prenuptial dalliances. Why should a piece of paper and a ceremony make that any different?
It is you she loves. She has stopped the offending behavior, and has been honest with you when she didn't have to. A loving, honest spouse that confesses human frailty is more valuable than one that keeps secrets to maintain the peace.
I understand the humiliation/betrayal you feel; but those are rooted in self-pity and are illusions that befog the fact that she still loves YOU.
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Ceili
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Thu 25 Sep, 2003 02:08 pm
Seamonkey, I've been there and it hurts. Not to belabour the point but since the two of you took your vows no transgressions have taken place.
She made a mistake and then married you. This says more than a past (one time) indescretion. Humans are frail, we are not infallible but love is strength and I hope you are able to draw from your shared bond and repair the damage.
Ceili
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seamonkey77ca
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Fri 26 Sep, 2003 12:54 pm
Thanks everyone for the advice. I think I will forgive my wife and I hope the pain will go away in time.
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cavfancier
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Fri 26 Sep, 2003 01:11 pm
seamonkey, yes, forgive her. You probably don't even know how much it pained her to even tell you, and she did it because she chose YOU, and respected you enough to not be able to live with that secret. Good luck...folks have lived through worse, and survived. She's a good woman for having told you. Treat her that way, and you will have a good future ahead of you. Also, time will indeed heal all wounds.
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Sugar
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Fri 26 Sep, 2003 01:56 pm
Stupid question, but - why is she telling you this now?
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seamonkey77ca
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Fri 26 Sep, 2003 02:11 pm
She told me because it was eating her up inside , and did'nt want me to find out by someone else.
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ionlyluvshane
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Fri 3 Oct, 2003 05:55 pm
i think its good for someone to be honest. its even better when she tells you herself and you dont hear it from someone else because i promise you it would hurt you alot more if you heard it from someone else. so you do have to give her credit for stepping up to the guilt. (im new to this whole being honest thing) so i agree, time does heal all wounds. but there is another saying that plays along with this, if you forgive her and give the pain time to ease off, your relationship will be even stronger in the future. so, good things come to those who wait. (it doesnt exactly go with this, but i thought it appropriate)good luck...
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ionlyluvshane
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Fri 3 Oct, 2003 06:20 pm
right?
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session victim
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Tue 9 Dec, 2003 04:10 am
One fact, I don't understand is: After 3 years pain eating up her inside, I wonder why she didn't run mad. It's logical that after 3 years the pain of her about that has lost its strenght. If it would be the pain forcing her to speak, she propably told you 3 months after cheating you.
Well, thats only my opinion but I really guess for the second reason making her say the truth.
It is always a failure in a relationship to wait till grass is grown above some circumstances.
Please correct my English if something is wrong.
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Heywood
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Wed 10 Dec, 2003 08:16 pm
Damn bro, thats f*cked up. Good luck dealing with that.
She's a good woman for having told you. Treat her that way, and you will have a good future ahead of you. Also, time will indeed heal all wounds.
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