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Wed 31 Dec, 2008 12:27 am
I'll be as honest as I can. I don't usually look for or take “girl advice”. It seems to me the only males who give it call half the population “bitches”. Their advice wouldn't apply to any girl I would like. And it's close to impossible to get advice from girls you know because it makes them feel used. Or they're the ones you need the advice about in the first place.
I don't plan to reply or object to any advice I get here as a result. If I take some action, I'll make note of it if it seems relevant, but I won't play The Advice Game with you " it's too time consuming. Everyone has better things to do than listen to me make excuses, I would guess.
So, the situation. We went to high school together, and have known eachother for approximately five years. I know practically as much about her as she does, as she considers me " apparently " something like a confidante (friends with no secrets, I s'pose). She's also mine.
I would probably kill for her, though she would never ask such a thing. I don't know, really, what the word “love” means exactly " but I guess this has to be it.
Now, there are problems.
First is that " and I am completely ashamed of it " I have been... rather unnice to her on a few occasions, though I won't anymore. They weren't awful by any means, but they're still not things I should've done. I know she felt betrayed.
I've tried to send the message that I've changed, and I won't ever do any of the stupid things I used to. I know for a fact that I'm not the same. I promise you that, and I have never broken a promise in my life. She knows this, too, but I don't know what power it would have.
The most important thing I'm here for, is that she doesn't take my signs of affection seriously. If I hug her, she hugs me back jokingly, as an example. She seems to think I'm a robot incapable of genuinely caring for someone. Every sign of affection, therefore, is just me kidding around. It's about the most frustrating thing in the world.
My goal " soon " is to make it obvious that I really like her. I have some ideas about this, but I'll just keep them to myself for now.
Guys and gals, what would you do if you were me?
@Scannon,
Scannon wrote:
I don't plan to reply or object to any advice I get here as a result.
Well, that's wise. Just use it for brainstorming, and make your own decision.
Not sure what I would do, but as an outsider, it sounds like time to put words to the feellings - to her, not us.
Women like clear and unambiguous declarations of love: what ever you you do, make it big,make it personal and make it clear.
one of the signs of a successful relationship is good communication.
so just tell her how you feel.
You do open yourself up to rejection so be prepared for that. what to say is really down to you and how you really feel. I love you will probably not cut it unless it is framed in the right situation she may brush it off as one of things friends say.
"I have very strong emotional feelings for you and would like to explore a deeper more permenant relationship" may be the ticket. Do not follow this with humour to lighten the situation as many men are wont to do.
She may well have thought of you in the same vein and be waiting for some signal that unconciously you do not give.
So comunicate clearly Is my advice.
@dadpad,
Communicate clearly but be prepared for a letdown. I suspect you're firmly ensconced in the friend zone and she probably doesn't see you in any other way.
Quote:The most important thing I'm here for, is that she doesn't take my signs of affection seriously. If I hug her, she hugs me back jokingly, as an example. She seems to think I'm a robot incapable of genuinely caring for someone. Every sign of affection, therefore, is just me kidding around. It's about the most frustrating thing in the world.
It's possible that she sees you as a very good friend, someone so close that she can confide anything about herself to, and that is all. She may not share your deeper feelings.
You can lay it all on the line and tell her exactly how you feel about her. You'd be putting her on the spot though, and if she doesn't share your deeper emotions, she may avoid being forthcoming about her lack of those feelings for you, to avoid hurting your feelings and possibly ruining a close friendship.
@Scannon,
I have a couple thoughts in differing directions.
Best friends can be the basis of the best romantic relationships. You know each other well enough to have already seen the warts. Everyone has them and if they are insignificant enough to get past then you've already gone a long ways towards a rewarding relationship.
But, depending on the nature of the warts they may include things that she can't or possibly shouldn't look past. You've been "rather unnice" on a few occasions. That could encompass any number of things. Saying that you've changed is a beginning but may not be the end.
Go ahead and let her know how you feel. Do it with the inclusion of remaining friends even if she doesn't return your affections. She may not respond immediately in the way you want her to. Don't push. Stay friendly. Take your cues from her.
It looks like she sees you more as a bother, and not in a sexual way. If you want to change that, and you just tell her, she will probably resist. You are going to have to put the moves on her without her knowing.
This is possible but it' not that easy, and you sure won't get any points if you just blurt out your true feelings.
You have to start really simple and innocently. One good way is to get into a routine of massages and/or yoga. Go to massage class and/or yoga class together.
This process is going to take up to a year or two as you first have to get her totally comfortable with you in the physical sense.
You will also need to find out what she likes in a guy as far as hair, clothes, general looks etc. and slowly start to emulate that.
Most young guys do not have the patience or skills, but it can be done!
You are giving mixed messages - push then pull.
Try being honest for a change!!
Simply tell her that you have more than " just friends" feelings about her and can you two explore that? Would she consider that?
Believe me, she'll tell you whether she even wants to go "there" - IF she is being honest.
@Chumly,
Go to yoga?
Emulate what she likes in a guy?
Dude, do everyone a favor, and NEVER chime in on these threads again.
You've known her for five years...she doesn't hug you back in a serious way...
Well, I would think two ways you could approach it. One, get her to go on a date with you, but don't call it a "date" to her. Flirt with her, keep pushing those buttons and see if you can get a better response from her.
Two, since you've known her so long, just come out and tell her. Sounds like you're in for a big "we're just friends," but you probably have to get it off your chest.
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