Should I be pissed?

Forums: Relationships
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Some of you know I am dealing with chemo and breast cancer right now. I am dealing with it on a personal level and checking out things that help me spiritually, mentally, etc.

Would some of you describe me as uncompassionate? Among other descriptions of old Bathy, people have never called me unfeeling. I tend to care too much about other people's feelings and I am very sensitive. I am usually cheerful (Irish Smile

) and have a 'cheery' sense of humour most of the time....ok, this is my question:

We have an old friend. My hubby has known him for more than 40 years. The guy has been divorced most of that time but in the past few years has been living with a woman. Old friend has, shall we say, tons of money. New girlfriend has no income, and that's ok with us if it's ok with him. The thing is, when I met her last year, she seemed (ok, call it my female intuition) sneaky, or something. Couldn't put my finger on it. I did notice all the expensive changes done to old friends house, where they were living. House has since been sold. Old friend has done zilch to this place since he bought it 10 years ago, a real curmudgeon on the hill Smile

She said as long as 'he has the money for her to fly back & forth from Calif to Hawaii (where they have bought a house)' she will do it, to see her kids. She seems usury but I was friendly to her, since I was only there overnight I couldn't really get to know the kind of person she is. Old friend calls frequently to talk to hubby but girlfriend never gets on the phone to say hi to Bathy and is rarely there.

She knows me not at all, yet she sends me a book called 'Comfortable with Uncertainty" which is about cultivating - fearlessness & compassion!! I know that girlfriend is into self help books, and I did mention when I talked to her face to face when I first met her a few years ago that I don't read them because I don't find them useful. I resent her assumption that I am number one: fearful and number 2, lacking compassion.

What book do you recommend I send her? Or should I just wrap this up and send it back with some note on it? I mean, if she can't even say a few words to me during hubby and old friend's frequent conversations, who lacks compassion?

Or maybe I'm making mountains out of molehills.....

Dianne
Bathy

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Discussion • Score: 6 • Views: 1,053 • Replies: 18

No top replies

Honestly?

If you don't want the book, give to to Goodwill.

Her relationship with her boyfriend appears to satisfy them both, and doesn't have anything to do with her sending you a book.

I would guess she just didn't remember your saying several years ago that you didn't like self help books, and she sent you this one to be nice.

If you leave out all the stuff about your husbands friend and his money and the woman he chooses to live with and your feelings for her, you simply have the fact someone sent you a book you don't think you'll read.

Let it go.

0 Replies

Hi, Bathy.

You could be pissed, but where does that get you? You don't really know her thoughts behind selecting it.

If it were me, I'd drop her a note thanking her for the gift and for thinking of me. Short, nothing about it being 'perfect' or thoughtful.

You might flip through it and see if anything catches your eye / hits home. She may have seen a chapter or section in particular that she thought might give you strength.

Then, take it to a used bookstore to recycle or leave it in the waiting room at the hospital or doctors office. Someone else may find it useful and meaningful.

1 Reply

@squinney,

'k. That's what I'll do. I'm sure she meant well.

Got beautiful snow everywhere now. Any a2ker's where there is no snow?

Bathy

2 Replies

@bathsheba,

(raises hand)

S'posed to be close to 70 Christmas day / day after.

I really miss the snow. Could you make me a snow angel?

1 Reply

@squinney,

Yup. Can you send me 70 & some sun Smile

0 Replies

@bathsheba,

I don't know about pissed, but considering your more or less non-relationship, and gift would seem a bit odd. This one sounds positively strange. Go with you instincts.

0 Replies

@bathsheba,

bathsheba wrote:

What book do you recommend I send her?

This is of course a joke, but would be so tempting eh?

http://blogs.vibe.com/vc//VIBE_Vivica_Golddigger.jpg

2 Replies

@CalamityJane,

LOL - Trust you, CJ!

0 Replies

@bathsheba,

Hi Bathy, I'm envious of your snow, sitting out on the patio here in nothing but my boxer shorts sipping a cold beer with the temperature hoovering around 100 degrees. Really pleased to see you posting. Merry Christmas to you and your family.

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

ohhhh....that would be so tempting! Maybe I'll try for something a wee more subtle.....where did you find this, calamityjane?
Bathy

1 Reply

@Dutchy,

Hi Dutchy,

100 degrees...wow...what a change from our freezing temps. If I were rich I would just hop a jet and be there, kind of follow the sun. Hope you can get where it's cool. You guys have AC there or swamp coolers?

Nice to see/hear from you too. I've missed the three word story - is it still going?

Merry Christmas to you & yours, too, Danny. Do you have a big family holiday?

Bathy

1 Reply

@bathsheba,

Hiya Bathy. Comfortable day today, around the 80 degree mark, will stay like this over Christmas. Have AC in house and car so no problems getting around.

Three word story still going strong http://able2know.org/topic/110529-199 Smile

No big family holiday, there is only the two of us, but we'll be travelling to see my son and family next March. They are spending Christmas with us this year.

Best wishes from downunder. (((Dianne)))

1 Reply

@Dutchy,

Hey, that's great that you get to see your son! How many grandkids do you have? I have one step granddaughter (2 yrs old) who calls me Nana. They live in Utah so we don't see them much.
Our adult children would rather be some place warm for Christmas so they avoid Canada and hang in LA (yuck) or some temperate place. We can't travel this year but maybe in the summer we'll go visit/pester them.

Maybe I'll peek into the word story to see what's going on, but I'm fading fast here!
(((HUGS))) from Bathy in the cold rainforest

0 Replies

@bathsheba,

bathsheba wrote:

ohhhh....that would be so tempting! Maybe I'll try for something a wee more subtle.....where did you find this, calamityjane?
Bathy

bath, I just googled for "gold digger" Very Happy

0 Replies

Send her the book of mormon: she will irk you no more.

1 Reply

@Fountofwisdom,

You is bad, Mr. Rhett!! Might be I send her the gold digger book and the mormon one. I guess that's what irks me about her. SHE is the one who could use a good dose of compassion. She's got dollar signs for eyeballs Smile

Bathy

0 Replies

@bathsheba,

Bathy, from what you've written, it appears the girlfriend isn't much interested in you.

She may have heard you're dealing with medical stuff and decided to send you a book based simply on the title. She probably didn't get as far as reading what the book was actually about. Based on the title alone, it'd be the perfect book (if you're into self-help books).

Not so much malice on her part, or assumptions about who/what you are, as it is lack of interest in you. Or perhaps lack of interest in anything that doesn't impact her directly.

Don't waste your time getting warm about the book or her. Neither is worth it.

1 Reply

@ehBeth,

I agree with you....I don't put any energy into getting to know her. Call it female intuition but when I first met her last year I got a distinct territorial feeling from her. She has managed to put a stop to all of the old relationships (especially the old female friends from his school days). When they are in Calif. she manages boyfriend's time so well that they only have time to visit family, not friends. Then they spend the rest of the year -4-6 months, at their place in Hawaii that she's fixing up (with guess who's money). 'Course, the boyfriend could put up more of a fight but it's not his nature to lead, just follow. She's chosen well as she can manipulate him anyway she wants to, and I think this knowledge passed between us without words at the first meeting. I 'got her number' right away and she knows it. I remember telling her at the time, after she mentioned several self help authors, that I didn't read self help books. Boyfriend has been an old friend of hubby's for most of his life, and it's sad to see how she has come between them after so many years. Maybe I'll send her a book about relationships. Naw, too much energy.....

You're right, she's only interested in what can further her cause. Which is spending money on herself. What makes gold diggers tick, anyway?

Bathy

0 Replies

Should I be pissed?

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know