Wed 17 Dec, 2008 12:28 pm
I have been with my husband for 1 year. We have known eachother for about 5 years though. He has a daughter from another girl that is 2 years old. I deal with the drama from the other women that doesn't like me at all. I love my husband but he is in iraq. We got married 3 months before he left, so i feel weak. I only have some much time to let him know whats going on(drama) that i barley have time to say i love you. I am going crazy feeling weak because he isnt around to stand behind me and to top it off his family doesn't like me. I'am alone and missing him.
I really doubt your husband needs to hear about all the family drama while he's in Iraq.
There are usually consuling services available to military wives. Do you live on base?
Un huh. There is nothing he can do about all this, so just share the good news.
It's tough for you right now with your husband in Iraq and you have my sympathies. That must be very difficult. But let me ask you...why are you in contact with his baby's mother? When your husband returns, let him include the child in your lives but until then, it should be easy enough to put that stress on the back burner and not deal with it at all. You're not obligated to that woman. Nor the child.
As far as his family, I'd stay cordial but keep my distance. Again, you're under no obligation to them. You can start your role as DIL when he returns.
I agree with the above poster who suggests that you not burden your husband with any of this. He's under enough pressure. Don't add to it.
You say you feel "weak."
Take this time that your husband is away to get "strong."
Join a military wives group, a woman's group, or enroll in some assertiveness or self defense classes, so when he comes home, you are a stronger woman.
Then together, you can deal with this child - whom he has a responsibility to - and you can help him. YOU don't want him to think that YOY are a little girl who comes off as needy. YOU are his wife. Get strong for him.
I have been an army spouse for 22 years so far, and I can tell you that the only way this works out is if you are independent during deployments, and have your own support network. His family, his ex, and for the most part your husband himself are not your support network during this time. Tolerate the drama makers as best you can but when it gets to be too much, and if they don't become more supportive over time, you need to be able to tell them to piss off.