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The Bully or the Bullied?

 
 
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 09:22 am
I didn't think I'd be dealing with this quite so soon but yesterday, for the second time in a week, Adriana came home with scratches on her face. Apparently, this other girl R, scratched her again. The first time it happened, she had 3 seperate scratches on her face; one by her right eye, one by her left eye and one on her cheek. Meaning R must have really gone after her. I think it was over a toy. This time, there was one long scratch down her cheek after Ade tried to take R's bottle.

I noticed last night when I picked her up and was signing the incident form that her eye looked funny. Sure enough, this morning she has a black eye. It's not horrific but it's bruised. Now, how does an 18 month old give another 18 month old a black eye without the caregiver knowing?

I mentioned it this morning while dropping her off so that the morning lady could watch the two of them to see what was going on. I don't want my kid to be a bully but on the flip side, I don't want her to be beat up either.

Ade doesn't get everything she wants at home, so there is no reason to believe that she thinks she'll get it all at daycare. Unless they do give her everything there, but from what I've seen, they are pretty fair about that stuff.

I don't know what to do. Should I let it go and just watch to see if it happens again and then say something to the director? Or should I say something now and nip this in the bud? I am afraid one day I'll pick her up and something really bad will have happened or that one of the scratches will get infected.

What do you think? Has this happened to you? What did you do?

Help.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 1,077 • Replies: 14
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DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 09:31 am
IMO this isn't a bullying issue, it's just a product of their age. 18-month olds just don't share well. As they get a little older, they'll learn to share, take turns, and respect other people's property.

This sounds more like a caregiver issue; they should be on top of this stuff.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 09:46 am
So, should I say something now?
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 09:47 am
absolutely raise hell and get this caregiver fired.
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DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 09:48 am
@Bella Dea,
I would definitely express any concerns. She's your baby.

Edit: At the very least, the other kid's nails should be trimmed. Kids will swipe and push, but it's the parents' job to make sure that nails are trimmed so that they can't scratch.
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sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 10:04 am
Agreed with both of DrewDad's comments...
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 10:05 am
Thanks all!
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gungasnake
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 10:09 am
@Bella Dea,
Keeping the kid halfway safe is the absolute minimum a babysitter is responsible for. I'd pull the kid out of that one, like yesterday.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 10:21 am
I don't feel as though I should pull her from that daycare, however I think I will say something. And if it doesn't get resolved, perhaps then it's time to find a new place.
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eoe
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 12:42 pm
Perhaps?
No.
It will definitely be time to find a new place.
I'm a bit surprised by your timidity.
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Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 12:55 pm
Do you really think this is a bigger problem than just 2 little girls?
Hm.
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 01:41 pm
@Bella Dea,
I think your question should read "Bullied or Abused?" Are you sure it's another little girl doing this? I think every daycare should have video cameras set up to watch the behavior of caretakers and children. I would be outraged if I was in your situation and making a polite but firm fuss at the very least. At the moment I think both you and your daughter are being victimized.
Bella Dea
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 01:46 pm
@Green Witch,
I honestly don't think that any adult there is doing it to her. However, in a sense, I guess you are right in saying they are abusing her by not watching her properly.
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sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 01:49 pm
I think this is potentially a problem -- as in, I can't say "eh, I'm sure it's fine," because I can't know for sure.

But I don't think there's automatically a problem from the information we have so far. A talk with the daycare sounds called for to me, but toddlers are pretty rough and tumble. My kid had scratches and bruises all the time at that age, and that was with me watching her like a hawk all the time (no daycare). I just went to a party that had three toddlers in attendance (right around Ade's age) and they all got hurt at least once. (Scrambling up stairs too fast for anyone to grab them and then falling was popular.) And one baby went to give another baby a hug and misjudged -- someone's thumb went in someone's eye. Etc.
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Tue 9 Dec, 2008 02:02 pm
@sozobe,
Too right. My girls love to hug "babies" (read, just learning to walk). More babies end up on their behinds than hugged.
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