Men v. women: differing perspectives on money

next time you consider doing something like this, take a couple of your existing wardrobe pieces along - so you're not 'mix'ing in.

this one apparently came from Target - great example of a basic shift dress that'll look good under a jacket or with a shawl. It could be a basic office dress, or go to a fairly formal event without a lot of effort (and is boob/shoulder friendly - fit it to your boobs, have the bottom slightly tailored down).

I agree. He has a resistance, which he might not feel he can articulate, to the whole idea of wasting money on such silly whims as fancy-dress parties which it might be possible to overcome by arranging it by a less elaborate and less fussy procedure.

I would feel exactly the same and would simply put my foot down and say "No way- you're not threating the family resources for something so trivial as that. We might need that money for something that is important."

Get an old bed sheet and have the kid go as a ghost or a bin bag and he could go as a pile of refuse. Something imaginative.

There is also the possibilty that Mr B feels that the fuss and the fancy dress itself will encourage the development of narcissistic leanings in the kid who, at such a tender age, might not fully understand adult motivations.

I agree with ehBeth, your looks are not formal enough for the event you describe. The beige top you think of as Asian is the most formal and probably the one I would go with if I had to pick. I think the simple dress with below hip jacket would work much better. Some jewelry stores will rent jewelry, you might want to call around and see if you can find a really great necklace and earrings.

Sort of like this:

Like I said -- I dug out the photos to the promotion to one star General and it was not super fancy. Also, I finally managed to get hold of my sister who went to the last ceremony. She wore a skirt and sweater to the event and she's an investment banker with a closet full of suits and evening wear.

I don't want to over-dress any more than I want to under-dress.

OK, then my pick is the tan jacket with the black pants. I vote for black matte pumps to go with it and a visit to the hair salon for a last minute 'do and manicure.

Did you show Mr B my contributions to your first post B?



So long as everybody knows she has a closet full of gear she can afford to dress down as a sort of reverse status symbol.

<sigh>

I think I've already addressed this -- Mr. B not only wants to go to the "party" he is honored to be invited; it isn't something very many people get to do. He is very excited about the party.

Nobody at the last party knew my sister and nobody at this one will know me.

Well.... somebody might "know" me through the FBI or CIA files or whoever does all the security and background checks and vetting and Senate approval required of everyone associated with anyone who gets to throw such a party.

this brings up good and funny memories ...
many moons ago my boss invited me to the annual meeting of the company - i was one of many juniors invited "to fill the seats" .
my boss told me i needed to wear a business suit , white shirt and a tie - "of course , sir ! " .
so here were all the juniors dressed like undertakers' assistants when the chairman of the board made his way to his seat at the front .
he wore the most gaudy PLAID FLANNEL SHIRT WITH A COLOURFUL TIE - that clashed as much as possible with his shirt !
since he owned the company no one was going to tell him how to dress !
after the meeting he invited as all for drinks ... and they flowed freely (it was before anyone worried about "drinking and driving" ) .
hbg

Oh man, hamburger!

It is a strange comfort to know that such things happen to men too. Appropriate dressing is really a charged topic.

I used to work for a big company in a mid-high level position. The lower you were on the totem pole the better you were expected to dress. As I worked in the advertising department we were also expected to show a certain "creative flair" at important meetings.

My closet was completely schizophrenic -- very coutoure/thrift store - high fashion funky!

I suppose my closet is still a little.... ummm.... odd.

You're all nuts.

Whare is this party B. I thought it was a neighbourhood thing.

Is this all nothing but a convuluted way of telling us that you are "up there" and a "big deal" because if it is I'm a bit pissed about answering what I thought were heartful questions concerning your domestic relations.

I'm very glad my wardrobe, a closet in England is a toilet, is not schizophrenic.

You sure don't know nothin' about Boomer.

How could I be expected to outside of the posts she wrote?

Thank you Green Witch. I've never thought of myself as particularly narcisisstic and in need of approval and attention. Especially when I am strutting my insecurities and ignorance.

Sendius, here's the backstory: My brother, who is the big shot in the family, is being promoted from Brigadier General to Major General in the U.S. Army. You have probably read his name in your paper or in books written about the Army over the last several years. You will no doubt be reading more about him in the upcoming year if you follow the news at all.

My brother is brilliant and sane and thoughtful.

I happen to be related to him.

This does not mean that I am in any way accomplished myself.

I'm going to his ceremony and I don't want to embarras myself or him.

Okay?

I have posted on Abuzz or A2K for more than 9 years (OMG!) . Many people have learned to connect the dots from one post to another over the last 9 years.

I don't want to get off on a rant here but how in the world would you expect to offer me advice on the state of my marriage or the state of my husband's mind if you just look on this one thread?

Please, please, please -- just go away.

Brother just called and we had a hilarious conversation re: clothing.

He said "I can't belive you called L. to find out what to wear."

I explained that I'm clueless and that I thought my Converse and cut-offs might not work.

He said "I don't care. Just be here."

I love my brother.

Well- I'm sorry Boomer. From your first post I had the impression you were in a domestic spat and seeking advice from the male point of view in order to better understand Mr B's resistance. You did emphasise the "totally". Advice from other ladies wouldn't help much as it would likely just confirm your own position and the problem would remain.

In fact, I can't see why you asked for any advice if you were going to get indignant at any you didn't approve of.

On the matter of whether to buy or rent the kit it is worth bearing in mind that there are large numbers of people who would choose either option all of whom would advise you for the choice they would make. Which gets you nowhere.

One advantage of buying it is that after the event the kit can be mothballed and kept as a family momento to be passed down the generations.

See, Boomer! All that sturm und drang was cleared up by one conversation with your brother. He sounds like a great guy. Have fun at the gala!

As this is a quite interesting case in the general war between the sexes I asked around a few chaps I know and not a single one expressed the slightest interest or pleasure in having his wife's brother in his face as a successful male person. They all thought that the wife's brother was better in a low paid, dead-end job so that invidious comparisons were not being constantly aired.

Maybe it's a culture thing. Men here expect their wives to bow to superior masculine wisdom. And they certainly don't accept having to repress perfectly natural feelings because they are ganged up on by a gaggle of women.