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Why can't I pay more than my boyfriend if I earn more money than him?!

 
 
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 12:02 pm
My boyfriend is currently out of work but covering for someone until Saturday. I have Monday off for the holiday so we decided to go for a weekend away and stay in this apartment of a friend of his. That's fine but we have to hire a car, so we booked on Sunday under my name but then I realized I couldn't find my licence so I cancelled and he said he'd do it. He hasn't yet and the price is going up, and now he tells me if it's more than the price of the other hire car he can't afford it, so I said I'd pay more as I'm not driving - it's only fair. He said it doesn't work like that but I have the money and I want to go away. it was all his idea so I don't think it's that he doesn't want to go but I hate this male pride thing! What do y'all think - guys and girls, I wanna hear your answers!!
 
contrex
 
  5  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 12:54 pm
You can be my girlfriend; I haven't got any problems with women paying for things.
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 12:56 pm
@RayRaySparxx,
Sounds more like he's up against his credit limit, than it is about how much you pay.
0 Replies
 
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:18 pm
@RayRaySparxx,
My advice is that you should be understanding. Being out of work is very difficult for many of us... it feels like an attack on your dignity. It would be difficult for me to be in a position where I felt I was relying on my girlfriends money. I am not saying that this feeling is rational. But, it is understandable.

I hope that you can talk about this with him without saying "I hate this male pride thing!" (not a good thing to say to him by the way). I would appreciate my girlfriend saying something like "I understand that this is a difficult time, but I really want to take this trip with you... please let me find a way to help." If my girlfriend said this, I would probably agree. Another option is to make this a loan... an idea that will be easier if he knows how important this trip is to you.

Be understanding and communicate. You shouldn't force him to give up his "male pride" ... you should instead talk to him about what you want and work out a solution that both of you feel happy about.

tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:21 pm
@contrex,
contrex wrote:

You can be my girlfriend; I haven't got any problems with women paying for things.


Same here. Move east to NYC. Your current boyfriend sounds like an arrogant douchebag/obsessive traditionalist. Does he still think it's the 1950's?
tsarstepan
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 01:25 pm
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

My advice is that you should be understanding. Being out of work is very difficult for many of us... it feels like an attack on your dignity. It would be difficult for me to be in a position where I felt I was relying on my girlfriends money.

I'm an atheist and I totally understand why pride is considered a big sin. If you can't accept help from others then you get what you deserve.

The world would be a much better place if male pride was toned down a few thousand percent.
0 Replies
 
Brandon9000
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 05:35 pm
Not unusual or pathological that men wish to act like men.
tsarstepan
 
  3  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 05:37 pm
@Brandon9000,
Of course it's not unusual behavior. Still doesn't make it douchbag-free behavior.
Brandon9000
 
  -2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 05:58 pm
@tsarstepan,
tsarstepan wrote:

Of course it's not unusual behavior. Still doesn't make it douchbag-free behavior.

Acting according to instinct is bad behavior? So the guy wants to pay for the girl. A big douche bag in your book? Hey, ladies, if you go out with this guy, bring money, because he's "enlightened."
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Feb, 2014 06:26 pm
@Brandon9000,
He's acting like an immature cry-baby and his girlfriend is suffering the consequences of his tantrum. Yeah. that makes him a douchebag in my book.
maxdancona
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 09:31 am
@tsarstepan,
Well let me put it this way Tsar, I am very grateful that my girlfriend is more understanding than you are. I would have trouble dating you I think. I don't like hardasses.
ossobuco
 
  2  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 09:34 am
@maxdancona,
I don't think Tsar is any hardass person. This is a cultural difference for many of us, which ever side you take as your own.
0 Replies
 
tsarstepan
 
  2  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 10:24 am
@maxdancona,
maxdancona wrote:

Well let me put it this way Tsar, I am very grateful that my girlfriend is more understanding than you are. I would have trouble dating you I think. I don't like hardasses.


My stance is hardass? Resorting to 1950's machoism that the male is and should always be the breadwinner? Now that's conservatist hardassery that would make a Tea Party Republican proud to be a white male in a white male based patriarchal world. Really not sure how you define hardassed but my worldview/take is particularly (over)sensitive softass feminist AKA the anthithesis of hardass.
0 Replies
 
blueveinedthrobber
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 10:26 am
@tsarstepan,
that was a little harsh.
0 Replies
 
RayRaySparxx
 
  2  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 11:05 am
Hey everyone, thanks for your views. Turns out he was using money as an excuse as he didn't really want to go, he confessed last night. Not sure where this leaves us and I was even more confused when I got flowers today from him. Ugh! so, regardless of the money thing I think he is a bit of a douchbag
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Fri 14 Feb, 2014 11:40 am
@RayRaySparxx,
Hi, RayRay - welcome to a2k.
0 Replies
 
 

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