JEJE
 
Reply Thu 20 Nov, 2008 07:48 am
I am a 25 year old woman, and I have been in a 2 year relationship with a 37 year old married man. He has 2 kids one, from his marriage and one from a previous relationship.

He has been planning to get a divorce since the first day we met, things are so heated between us, I don't know what to do. He is planning on moving out of the house by the end of the year, he and his wife do not see eye to eye.

He was having sex chats with a lady he met on facebook from Sweden, when I found out it affected me really badly. I felt and still feel betrayed and I can't trust him.

How do I let go?
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Type: Question • Score: 9 • Views: 1,989 • Replies: 10
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CoastalRat
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Nov, 2008 09:49 am
@JEJE,
You just walk away. Do you really think so little of yourself that you believe this is the best you can do? A married man who if he really was in love with you would just go ahead and file for divorce now, or at least move out of his house now. A man who while having a relationship with you is involved in sex chats online with others.

Personally, when you mess with a married man you deserve exactly what you get. I have little or no pity for you. But, you can do yourself a world of good by just walking away from him. Then why don't you think about looking for someone who is not attached. Your odds of finding happiness are a bit better going that route in my opinion.
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Nov, 2008 10:08 am
@JEJE,
Hello Jeje and welcome to a2k.

Of course you cannot trust him. You should have never trusted him in the
first place: a man who is unfaithful to his wife, will be unfaithful to his
girlfriend too! Why do you think you would be the exception?

0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  2  
Reply Thu 20 Nov, 2008 10:12 am
@JEJE,
Hello JEJE - welcome to A2K.

How do you let go?

First, congratulations on realizing that letting go is precisely what you should do.

Then, put the hurt that you feel into perspective and allow it to become anger. He's used you and will continue to use you so long as you allow it.

Your feelings will eat at you as long as they represent hurt and betrayal. Only by accepting him for who he is ... someone who would cheat on his wife and cheat on his mistress ... will allow you to move on and walk away.

Good luck! Keep talking.
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sullyfish6
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Nov, 2008 07:35 am
@JEJE,
How do you let go?

The same way as you would if he were a marshmallow and you were holding the burning stick over the fire.

BECAUSE YOU MUST - or YOU are the one who will get burned!

I think your real questions should be: How did I get into this mess and how can I move on?
0 Replies
 
martybarker
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Nov, 2008 01:11 am
@JEJE,
JEJE,
First off we can all sit here and scold you for getting involved with a married man. But the fact of the matter is that you did and now you're in a less than desirable situation. There is no turning back and changing what has already occurred.

But you're heart and gut is telling you what to do and you should go with that. Because your gut is usually right. This man has proven himself to be unfaithful. You can not guarentee that he will be any different with you. You are young and worthy of a fulfilling relationship. So moving on may be painful but you know it's the right thing for you to do.

I'd suggest that you get yourself involved with other things to take your attention away from him. When you are not there and available to him, he may very well start the manipulation game and try to talk his way back into your life. You need to be strong and do what is right for you.
By standing up for yourself and getting past this you will feel so much better about yourself. You are a strong woman and you can do this.

I'll check back in to see how you're holding up. But protect your heart, save it for someone who will cherish you!
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hawkeye10
 
  1  
Reply Sat 22 Nov, 2008 09:53 am
Do you two have an agreement that you are exclusive? Did he agree that he would not cheat on you with anyone but his wife?

I suspect not, thus he has done nothing wrong. The problem is with your expectations, not with his behaviour. If you like this guy you should try to get over your disappointment, should do your best to make the most of the time that you have with him. The relationship may or may not go anywhere, but I see no reason for you to deprive yourself of whatever it is that this relationship gives you.
0 Replies
 
sullyfish6
 
  0  
Reply Mon 24 Nov, 2008 07:26 pm
Duh??!
He's still married AND he has a girlfriend AND he plays porn.com ?
Sounds like he has the good deal and the other three saps are getting sloppy leftovers.
0 Replies
 
melisawilson
 
  0  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2011 04:18 am
@JEJE,
Let him go! If he can't be his wife's, he can never be loyal to you. Find an another man who is worth your love!
0 Replies
 
shewolfnm
 
  1  
Reply Thu 26 May, 2011 06:10 am
why does everyone always jump down the womans throat as if she made this guy behave this way?

" she deserves exactly what she gets" as if its just TERRIBLE to be with someone.
It is NOT her responsibility to up hold the rules of HIS marriage. HE is the one choosing to step out and on first meeting him, it isnt like he took her back to his house to show her how involved he still is with his wife.
it isnt HER that is **** , it is him and I want to say I am surprised that no one ever addresses the man, just attacks the woman. But, sadly I am not. Everyone wants to blame the woman, call her less than and expect her to feel that way about herself as well.

She has been with him for a little while, now knows that he is lying.. Ok. She is asking how to move on? Not asking " how much am i worth to you all"

jesus.

That man is pretty worthless as a partner if he enjoys keeping up the game of not getting caught by his wife just to have sex with another woman. If he were worth the time and effort, he would tell her and be honest.
Of course you can not trust him. His first priority , his wife, is being royally screwed by him, and now.... as you can see.. he is doing it to you too .
Its like asking a scorpion WHY it bites you. Scorpions nature is to bite. Thats what they do. And lie to you is what he will do.

The easiest way is to just stop talking to him, stop acknowledging him and move on. But that is not always the easiest when it comes to emotions.
And reasoning with him will do you no good. He will apologize, explain how bad he feels at home and remind you how bad his wife is to him and tell you that he is only doing it for entertainment, or what ever excuses he uses. And those do not need to be said to you any more.

If you can, just walk away.
If you can not, email....................then just walk away. Say what you need to say, but stick to your guns. You can not expect a married man to stay "faithful" to you. Absolutely not. SO do not set yourself up for that
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Fri 27 May, 2011 05:07 am
(I just noticed that this is a really old OP)

I'd put this into the :"He beats me but it feels so good when he stops. Should I stay?" category.

The answer seems so obvious that it could make you downright angry.

But I guess whenyou are in the middle of the storm, you don't always know how big it is.

0 Replies
 
 

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