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Political Science for Dummies

 
 
cjhsa
 
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2008 09:27 am
Political Science for Dummies


DEMOCRAT
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
You push for higher taxes so the government can provide cows for everyone.

REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?

SOCIALIST
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk pr oduction but use the money to buy weapons.

IRAQI CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

BELGIAN CORPORATION
You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal.

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nimh
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2008 11:32 am
Some of these are actually pretty funny. It's definitely the longest version I've seen yet.
0 Replies
 
Thomas
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2008 12:05 pm
@cjhsa,
Not bad at all!
0 Replies
 
parados
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2008 12:28 pm
@cjhsa,
Quote:
REPUBLICAN
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
So?


Since you have no cows you need to pay to help out the guy with two because if he failed then he claims no one would have cows.
cjhsa
 
  0  
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2008 01:28 pm
@parados,
A2Ker

You have six cows
You ignore five of them
The sixth one ignores you
nimh
 
  1  
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2008 01:52 pm
@cjhsa,
Heh.
0 Replies
 
Nick Ashley
 
  2  
Reply Thu 13 Nov, 2008 02:17 pm
Hmm, I've been forwarded a different version...


21 Economic Models Explained With Cows - 2008 Update


SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then

throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four

cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has

dropped dead.

US VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using

letters of credit opened by

your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity

swap with an associated

general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax

exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an

intermediary to a Cayman Island

Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells

the rights to all seven

cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the

company owns eight cows,

with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new

president of the United States,

leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with

the release. The public then

buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,

because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an

ordinary cow and produce twenty

times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image

called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a

month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine

productivity.

You arrest and shoot the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and

invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of

Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.
0 Replies
 
 

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