@danon5,
Can't remember if I posted this recently - but, what the heck, it's funny.......
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Words slightly changed =
1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
> subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
> 2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.
> 3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until
> you realize it was your money to start with.
> 4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
> 5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
> bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
> little sign of breaking down in the near future.
> 6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
> getting laid.
> 7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
> 8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
> who doesn't get it.
> 9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
> 10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
> 11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these
> really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's
> like, a serious bummer.
> 12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
> consuming only things that are good for you.
> 13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
> 14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when
> they come at you rapidly.
> 15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
> you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
> 16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your
> bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
> 17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in
> the fruit you're eating.
>
> The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its
> yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings
> for common words. And the winners are:
>
> 1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
> 2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has
> gained.
> 3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
> 4. Esplanade, v, To attempt an explanation while drunk.
> 5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
> 6. Negligent, adj.Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a
> nightgown.
> 7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
> 8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
> 9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been
> run over by a steamroller.
> 10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
> 11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
> 12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
> 13. Pokemon, n.A Rastafarian proctologist.
> 14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
> 15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up
> onto the roof and gets stuck there.
> 16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by
> Jewish men.