[b]1[/b] Never show [b]dangling participles[/b] or uneven hems and haws. They tend to look untidy and can cost eyes to cross.
If and whenever possible, avoid Freudian lace slips showing through an otherwise immaculate outfit. If that happens, pretend you're a Madonna look-alike.
[b]2[/b] Try to [b]smell good[/b] at all times. That way, your cat won't be trying to nuzzle your armpits while you're typing something [b]brilliant[/b] and it comes out like this, " egydkj,l;hhh incredibly hdjkljjj superfluous 88tgg".
Your companion may think you're an alien, or worse, a nitwit.
[b]3[/b] Get your equations right, and don't use a minus [b](-)[/b] symbol when you mean a plus [b](+)[/b]. This could subtract from the impression you've spent 45 minutes trying to make.
This goes only for programmers. Those who aren't can skip this piece of advice.
[b]4[/b] Don't ever say things like, " Are you nuts??!!!". This is to be avoided at all costs if your intention is to continue a [b]pleasant discourse[/b].
Instead, try rephrasing that and say something like, " Have you been up to your attic lately to check for bats? I read on a news web site just last week that bats have been frequenting your area, and I was concerned for you." This will only work if you're sure the other person will not actually be looking this up on the web.
[b]5[/b] When in a group, try not to tug on [b]loose threads[/b], especially if you're in an internet cafe. This might cause your tube top to unravel and tie you up in knots and leave onlookers in stitches.
[b]6[/b] Another bad idea when in a group is to ?'nuke' someone. It is considered juvenile and disruptive and may backfire.
[b]?'Nookie'[/b], however, is acceptable among consenting adults, but remember to keep it in the back room.
Being mistaken for a couch while huddled together in the middle of the gathering, may lead you to reflexively shrug and cause red wine to spill on the carpet, and the host/hostess writing you off their invitation lists for the foreseeable future.
[b]7[/b] While [b]logged on[/b], try your best to stay afloat on the log without falling off. Don't try to get off a log midstream, and especially not when it looks like the log is heading towards the rapids.
Wait till your [b]log[/b] reaches a river bank and you can hop off to safety. That way, you won't get your (s)[b]attire[/b] all wet.
[b]8[/b] Take most things at face value to the power of three. This prevents a lot of scanning for [b] fragments[/b] of lost conversation that will keep you awake at night when you need to sleep those wrinkles off.
[b]9[/b] Try to have a [b]witty comeback[/b] whenever possible. If your brain factory starts to get sluggish at any given moment, try typing random bits of information from different sources, that sound [b]funny[/b] when joined together.
This may prompt the other to come up with a response and give you ample time to jolt your brain cells awake with caffeine.
10) When all else fail, have a [b]backup[/b] ready to stand in, preferably one who is a better looking [b]version[/b] of you.
Disclaimer: Please ignore the advice in this thread. It doesn't work.
created by
deni_Zen at the precise moment her cat was nuzzling her armpit, at 17:23 hours, June 30, 2003
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