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Baby Names: Your Child Is not a Boston Terrier

 
 
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 09:52 am
You named your kid what? Grant? Spencer?

Cross, Penn, Carter, Frazier, Cash, Braden, Reagan? What the **** is wrong with you?

http://lifestyle.msn.com/your-life/family-parenting/articleab.aspx?cp-documentid=11257635&gt1=32020

I have some bad news. An "interesting" name will make a poor substitute for a personality, which your child will no doubt lack, considering his DNA. "Reilly" is indeed a precious moniker for a little dude in corduroy overalls and booties. But when he is an oily-faced teen with boogers stuck in his braces, the name will be synonymous with "resentment." He will then, necessarily, evolve into an ascot-wearing date rapist on the university squash team. It's not his fault--you named him "Reilly." What did you expect?

My son, George, is going to beat Reilly's ass.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 24 • Views: 4,641 • Replies: 91
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Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 09:54 am
@Gargamel,
my son butch is going to **** your son george...not because he's gay....just to see the look on george's face and hear his squeals
Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 09:55 am
@Bi-Polar Bear,
Did I mention George is a fifth-degree black belt?
0 Replies
 
Green Witch
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:01 am
I have found it to be worse the other way, the kid has a really cool name and is a total dweeb. There is a kid named Hunter in our neighborhood, he's fat, lazy and his idea of hunting is to drive to the Burger King and beg an employee to make him a triple whopper, with extra fixings, for the same price as the double.
chai2
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:06 am
@Gargamel,
Salem for a girls name?

phuck that.

After the baby was born, Kimberly says, "My son and I held her and said different names to her -- she didn't even bat an eye -- but when we called her Salem, she opened her eyes and looked right at us."

yeah, you know why she looked at you when you said it? She was thinking "what the hell is wrong with you people?"
0 Replies
 
boomerang
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:06 am
My son, Chuck Norris Boomerang, can kick everybody's ass.

Go ahead, line up.
Joeblow
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:08 am
@Gargamel,
Does this mean I shouldn't have named my twin baby girls Dawn and Dusk?
boomerang
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:09 am
@Joeblow,
Dawn and Polmolive!
0 Replies
 
Gargamel
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:14 am
@Joeblow,
Joeblow wrote:

Does this mean I shouldn't have named my twin baby girls Dawn and Dusk?


That's a whole 'nother ball of wax--the stupid hippie name. Most people named "Sierra" or "Dakota" also have some awful "creation myth" their parents pulled out of their asses on a bad acid trip. I remember an undergraduate creative writing class I was in, and some (very hot, very stupid) girl read to the class her creation myth, wherein her father carved her out of a log or something. I would have puked everywhere if I hadn't been laughing so hard.
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:15 am
@boomerang,
If it looks like chicken, squawks like a chicken, tastes like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef.....it's ******* beef.
0 Replies
 
Joeblow
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:15 am
@Gargamel,
Tell it to Moon Unit, man. Laughing
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:15 am
@Gargamel,
But they can have amusing nicknames, Gargles.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  2  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:16 am
There is a kid that lives in town that goes by the name of Ferd. Everything was alright for the first five years of his life, but once his parents released him into the world he was stoned to death by three children who bore the names of Sam, Pete, and Rick.
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:19 am
Bear wrote:
If it looks like chicken, squawks like a chicken, tastes like chicken and Chuck Norris says it's beef.....it's ******* beef.


I wonder if Chuck had been named Ferd Norris if anyone now would know his name?
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:20 am
a pleasure to see Gus drop back in...
0 Replies
 
Bi-Polar Bear
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:20 am
@gustavratzenhofer,
He could probably still have kicked the **** out his grandmother's bridge club...
0 Replies
 
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:28 am
I seriously believe that I could wrestle Chuck Norris to the ground and then place him into some sort of sleeper hold where he would become nearly incapacitated and pound his palm on the ground, signaling the ref to stop the match.
chai2
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:32 am
@gustavratzenhofer,
I know a pregnant woman right now, who is planning on naming the baby Meyer.

This kid is going to be 4 years old and working in the wholesale garment district.

"What? Is that the best you can do for me? I'll take by business over to that Cohen Anderson kid before I settle for that price."
gustavratzenhofer
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:34 am
Meyer is doomed
Green Witch
 
  1  
Reply Wed 22 Oct, 2008 10:37 am
@gustavratzenhofer,
He'll probably be doing your taxes in 30 years and you'll be grateful for his name.
0 Replies
 
 

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